The Real Corporate Virus

We've all done it to one another. We've been used as an example of it in front of workmates or family members. It's highly likely we're going to do it again soon. And it destroys sustainable business performance, all of our relationships, the level of staff engagement and our inter-departmental communication. (to name but a few)

What is it?

BLAME!!! (easy wasn't it?)

Harmless?

Everyone at every level does it, so what's the problem? Come on... it's not that bad, after all -there's gotta be a scapegoat for every screw up, doesn't there?

Shorten the Word

Take the "B" off of the word blame and that's what's happening at every level of an organisation. The workplace will be LAME, disabled, limp and disenabled, as a direct result of allowing blame to blossom and bloom.

As long as blame is promoted as an acceptable way of dealing with low performance or failures. There will never be an opportunity to truly achieve the collective potential of a team, business or relationship. Blame will always be the reason why staff are irresponsible & unaccountable. They totally lack ownership of what they do and why they are not succeeding. Blame allows unacceptable behaviour to rule and provides for a way out of taking any responsibility for not realising KPI's or achieving service expectations.

Blame ensures that bullies remain in their roles and offers everyone the chance of being a victim for a day or more. High performance will never be a reality as long as blame is allowed to permeate the walls of the corporate boardroom. Few businesses address the blame culture that has spread globally. Few Chief Executives will actively inoculate their senior management team from being able to use blame as a valid reason for poor performance.

• What will you do to eliminate blame from your workplace?


• Will you be willing to no longer blame others for your poor performance?


• Will you take ownership of what you do and say on a daily basis?


• Will you no longer blame others for how you feel or think?

Set Yourself FREE

I wonder, if you will or will not remain with the vast majority and continue to blame others for why you are not performing as you should at work?

It takes so little to seperate yourself from the rest of the corporate blamers. All you have to do is take full and complete ownership of what you do and say. What you don't do, and for what you do - do. It's that easy!

In doing so, you seperate yourself from the world of blamers and begin to determine your own destiny and the level of personal performance you achieve.

It's up to you. To blame or not to blame - that's the question.

More To Come

I will write more on this topic, as it is, in my opinion, the basis of the majority of the hurts we experience at work and within our 4 walls, when at home. It is the foundational mindset for all long term change, byway of a coaching conversation. Refusing to blame, is the over arching principle of all those who beat the poor odds that life throws at them, and still... they succeeded!

Eliminate blame from all you do and say. Take ownership of what you do (and don't do), and how you feel (irrespective of what others do). And you will begin to personally determine the quality of your own experience, in all aspects of your life, on a daily basis.

The Need for Obsession

If you want to waste your hard earned money, spend it on attending conferences and listening to some international speaker, buy their numerous DVD's and books promoting the message that you need to seek a health approach to life through achieving a work-life balance!

This topic has got to be one of the best lies promoted by so called, motivational speakers and personal wellness guru's. To actually think that personal success, excellence and achievement of the highest kind, can actually be achieved by living a balanced life between your passion and the other needy demands of life. Some of these needs requiring attention are, family, your health, education, fitness, saving for a home and retirement and the list goes on. Apparently the message is for you to balance your life in such a way that you achieve a delicate balance, between work and your personal life demands.

Wake Up & Smell The Coffee

Let's get real!!!

Show me where the highest level of excellence has been achieved in any endeavor and the person who pursued it had a balanced life. Study these people carefully. You will find that they all had a never before seen obsession that drove them to achieve results that exceeded all who came before them and the many that would attempt to pursue them long after they had retired. maximum results requires maximum effort and time. It requires an obsession that consumes your every thought, muscle fibre and cell you have within you. This is the level of commitment at the highest level. Yes, there are those who achieve a level of excellence by committing themselves to balancing their demands of life. Yes, they do achieve (to some degree) - No, they do not achieve the heights of achievement that awaits those who are willing to make the sacrifices that a passionate, obsessive nature requires.

Forget the lie of living a balanced life if you ultimately wish to lead the field, make leading edge advancements or set records that have never been heard of before. Average commitment results in average achievement. Maximum commitment, energy, focus and an unrelenting obsession to succeed. Results in a level of human accomplishment that all will admire and few are willing to commit to.

Onto The Summit

It's easier to believe that champions get where they have by seeking a work-life balance. This is an out and out lie. Sir Edmond Hillary did not become famous for climbing half way up Everest and turning around and returning home. No, he went all the way to the summit with his mate Tensing. They are both remembered for all eternity, due to their compulsion to go all the way to the top of Everest. Like him, high achievers think, eat, drink and dream what they want and must pursue. They read, train, study strategies and focus on what they want and do it with an unchastend relentlessness, that I can only explain as an obsession.

So easy to think that the Olympic champions, the billionaires or revolutionaries who turn around a nation all did it while maintaining a lovely work-life balance. They most certainly did not!

Do what you must do to be the very best you can be. Each of us will put limits on what we are willing to commit to. That is fine with me. I understand the need for many to achieve work-life balance, however, under no circumstances are you to believe that maximum results can be achieved by mediocre efforts.

Only A Willing Few

It's a road trod by but a few, and the rest of the world will count you as an enigma of sorts. For you are to them a possessed being with no regard for anything else other than that which you pursue. Some will call you a selfish shit and much more. And this is how it is and it will never be any different for those who set their sights on all time greatness. Show me a man or woman who has achieved greatness of the highest order and I will show you a person who was extreme in their every effort, with a laser like focus, like no other before them.

Anyone who says you can achieve maximum results with mediocre efforts has likely never achieved anything of any real significance in their own life. Or even worse, they have, and are now promoting an approach that they never used themselves in the pursuit of their previous success.

Here's to your obsession in being the best you can be and to hell with your work-life balance!

I know that few will accept this message and I make no apologies for it.

Pictures of those who know what I am taklking about here:- NZ All Blacks Rugby Team, Valeri Villi Olympic Shot Put Champion and Sir Edmond Hillary & Tensing on Mt Everest - obsessive qualities all of them!!!

Happy Sheets

For quite some years now I've been delivering a wide variety of trainings both here in NZ and internationally. I have at times, been asked to have those in attendance to complete a training feedback form. These are usually given out at the end of the training and filled out prior to them leaving and are handed in as they exit the training room. They are then passed onto the organisations training assessors who asked for the training to be delivered. These feedback forms are usually used as an indication as to whether the training was of any significant value to those who attended and the organisation who paid for its delivery. I'm sure most of you would have had something similar handed to you at the end of a training, if you've attended a corporate training recently.

Are these feedback sheets of any real value at all? That's the question I have asked myself over the years - right up to the present time. Do they have any real credence and value at all or not? That's what I'm going to cover in this blog.

A Scenario

Let's say the HR Department and more specifically the HR Professional Development Advisers (or similar) want to asses if the training they have contracted in is worthwhile, appropriate, effective and achieves the desired goals for those staff in attendance.

So... they devise a feedback form with questions on it like:

• Was the training you received relevant to your job?
• Was the delivery style of the trainers suited for your preferred way of learning?
• Were you engaged by the presenters?
• Would you encourage other staff to attend this training in the near future?

The questions may be answered on a 1-7 continuum. Scoring a 1 for very poor delivery and a 7 for an excellent delivery.

I'm sure you have the idea now so let's move on.

The Happy Sheet Problem!

In my own opinion these feedback sheets are an absolute waste of time - why? (I'll try to keep my answer to a minimum).

1. The forms are devised by people who have likely never made a presentation of any real note in their lives! They have no idea what is or is not an effective training or how to measure one!


2. Those attending the training have little or no knowledge themselves, on how to effectively benchmark a trainer and their delivery style.


3. Those receiving and interpreting the feedback forms never attended the training themselves.


4. Filling out the forms truthfully is limited by the degree of expertise by those in attendance. Their inability to judge what is a good presentation or not.


5. If the trainer was in fact "poor" they realise that their comments could negatively impact the trainer and prefer to soften the blow by raising their feedback score in favor of the "poor" trainer!


6. The trainer could use a "high" emotional close which positively impacts on the participants ability to give the presenter a "real" score and scores them instead on how well they finished the days presentation and they score them high.


7. The feedback forms results are twisted by those interpreting them to suit the outcome they want, based on whether they actually like or dislike the trainer themselves.


8. The timing of the feedback form is at the point of having just received the learning without any time for actual integration of the learning. Any real application of the learning and its effectiveness is weeks away yet.


9. When the trainer knows what they're being measured against in the happy sheet all they do is meet those requirements, point out tactfully how they have done that for the group, yet not necessarily covered any of the core competencies needed for the group in attendance!


10. If they have been on similar training before, the participant may score the presenter and content low, based on this and have missed what was presented that they didn't know, which would have made the difference to this person. Who only listened for what they knew and not what they didn't know.


11. If those in attendance are trainers or tutors, they will likely give feedback that is based on their preferred presentation likes and dislikes, which may or may not be accurate due to their personal bias.


12. If the participant has a bias for activities, sweets, handouts, multi-media, colored pens, music, culture, introductions, workbook style of manuals etc... and they are or are not available then the trainer is scored down. Which may not have been an indication that the trainer wasn't good or bad at all



13. The participants are asked to fill out the form at the end of the training when they want to get away home as soon as possible. Resulting in a simplistic and rushed feedback result by those filling them out.



14. The Organisation or HR Department set a standard to determine if the training is good or bad not taking into count all the variables that are not recorded that directly influence a persons training experience and the score they give at the end of the day i.e. room temperature, external noise, quality of food at breaks, availability of their preferred hot drink, lunch provided or not and the quantity available, seats comfortable or not, car parking location and cost, ease of finding the room, stairs to climb, access to be able to have a smoke in their breaks and ease of access to toilets etc... (all of these factors need to be considered as they affect the score which can negatively affect the trainers score)

A Different Approach

I've listed here some important factors that need to be present for a more accurate approach in measuring a trainings effectiveness. I have met NO training assessment that has utilised these points to determine whether a training is effective or not. At best they may have 1 of the points I've listed below!

1. Have an assessor sit in on the entire training, who is skilled and knowledgeable in training delivery and who has an established training delivery benchmark template from which they are able to effectively provide feedback based on the behavioural benchmarks specifically set for training delivery.


2. Use a benchmark criteria that is sensory/behaviourally based assessment of key core competencies of training delivery i.e. engagement, rapport, platform skills, vocal variety that are also relevant to the content and the room the training is delivered in (i.e. A small room with no break-out space, will radically limit the ability for activity based delivery as would an audience seated in a lecture room ampi-theatre setting. How can you accurately judge this trainer against another in a different training environment?).



3. A pre and post training evaluation is taken by those attending to determine the degree of learning that has taken place. What did they know about the subject prior to attending and how much knowledge & skill development have they gained after the training and weeks later.


4. Make sure those interpreting the results actually are highly skilled trainers themselves.



5. The assessor is to have no conflict of interest in whether the trainer is scored well or not. That is, the assessor has no personal gain from scoring the trainer high or low.



6. A longitudinal study over 2, 5 and 7 weeks is done on what the participants have taken away and implemented from the training and this is scored to determine a post training result.


7. A percentage feedback score minimum of 85% to be set once the benchmarks have been established for the training. The 85% score is to be achieved as an average, in each of the core benchmark competencies that are relevant to the content delivered. Be aware that the scoring of the trainer and the core competencies need to change, should the training content and venue change. The use of the same feedback sheet for all trainings and trainers within the organisation is a sure sign, that the system being used is of a poor standard, in assessing accurately, whether a training is or is not effective.

Ok. There you have it.

Happy sheets, although popular and used by many organisations, in the hope they will gain insight to the overall result of a training delivered. It is highly unlikely it is accurate or has any real depth of quality. I do know, that this can be greatly improved by making the changes I have offered above and many more. My guess is that very few will be willing to make the required changes, and will continue making many of the mistakes I have listed in the Happy Sheet problems listing.

If you want to get your training assessment right and achieve no less than 85% plus satisfaction success rate by your participants, with your professional development training - email me: colin@ignition.org.nz

You Get What You Accept

This is a follow on of an earlier blog I've written which I called "You Get What You Focus On". With this blog I carry on the theme and state here, that you also get in life what you accept.

Had Enough of Being Treated Badly?

Complained about how you get treated by your team at work, recently? Have you been unhappy about the way your staff speak to one another? Are you saddened by the way your children treat you? Are you not happy about the way your wife or husband approach you when they have a problem with you?

The good news is, YOUR the problem - not them!

(Please... stop it! Yes, they do have a role to play in causing the situation - but only a minor one role. I'm not focusing on the role they play here, so pay attention and follow what I'm about to explain to you).

Think of how you are unhappy about the way you're being treated by certain people or someone in your life. Think of the specific situation, where and how they treat you poorly. Now understand this - they treat you that way because you have been allowing them to do that to YOU!

You have been training people to treat you the way they do. You never stopped them from speaking to you that way or behaving that way towards you. If you have attempted to stop them - it was just that, an attempt, and a poor one at that! An inconsistant attempt on your part to get them to not treat you the way they are. Alternatively, you have ignored their behaviour and thought, by ignoring it, it would go away. WRONG!

By saying nothing you have been condoning the behaviour, supporting and encouring it. With that in mind, how ironic it is, that you are complaining about it. After all - you've allowed it into your life and conditioned these people or person, to treat you badly.

Do you realise what I am saying? That people behave a certain way towards you, because you have allowed them to do so? Yes, you do get from people, the behaviour you are willing to accept from them.

By being passive when an argument is going on and saying nothing to the people fighting, is the same as saying it's ok to fight the way you have been, in front of me. It's ok to run each other down and belittle one another in front of me. NOT!

What will you accept as acceptable behaviour from others? What will you not accept from another person? What will you do if they ignore your request, for them not to treat you that way? Do you know when to say something about how you're being treated?

Don't complain if you're not going to do anything about how you're being treated. Either address the situation or, to put it bluntly - shut up and handle it! You may recall in a much earlier blog how I gave you 4 options you have when the shit hits the fan. These options are relevent in this situation also. Make a decision and decide what you're going to do - knowing that you have actually created the situation and have played a definite role in why you are being treated the way you are.

It's Easy to Contribute

I've had people I've coached say they wish "he" would stop lying to them. Or they'd like their kids to be more honest with them. Or a boss wanting his staff to be more transparent with her. The fact is, they are not and you have contributed to that situation. Do you know what you have done to influence people to lie to you, be dishonest and avoid being transparent with you?

I assure you, you have contributed to it and if it continues on for quite some time, it is because you are willing to accept things being the way the are.

A Way Forward

Decide what you have done to create the behaviour you're not happy with. Address the person concerned in a safe environment and explain what behaviour you're not willing to accept anymore. Own how you feel about the situation and accept the part that you have played in allowing the behaviour to continue and perhaps even escalate. Decide what action you'll take if they ignore your request, to treat you more fairly (leave, complain to the right person or consequence etc...). Once having done this, it is now up to you to honor what you have said and stick to it, consistently.

In my own opinion, it is unacceptable for you to accept being treated badly. It is unacceptable for you to be stressed out and worn out because of bad behaviour, demeaning comments, intimidating gestures or putdowns. My preference for you, is to make a stand. Know what you will and will not stand for and say so! Stop accepting less than you deserve, because if you do, you will continue to get more of what you are willing to accept.

Reputation Is Everything!

I was delivering a team training a few weeks ago. I had been with the team before, but I had not met their National Manager. Staff were mingling amongst themselves, awaiting for the day of training to begin. A gentleman who I didn't recognise walked into view and strode up to me with his arm outstretched saying in a pleasant voice, "you must be Colin...". We shook hands and I said warmly, and with a smiley "I am".

"Colin, your reputation precedes you, I'm..." He proceeded to introduce himself, and we briefly exchanged pleasantries.

What Goes Before You

Does your reputation precede you?

Are you aware of what reputation you have?

Take a moment and think about that. What sort of reputation do you have? Take it even further. What reputation does your business have, your service and the product you provide? Have you given it some thought?

We are building our reputation minute by minute, day by day. What's yours like?

Forming a Reputation

A reputation once formed, is hard to shake off. This can be a good thing but it can work against you. Especially if you have a bad one!

How you interact with others contributes to the reputation you will have. Your reputation will go ahead of you. Your reputation is spread quickly byway of word of mouth. Your reputation never sleeps. You will never know who hears it, nor do you know how far reaching it can travel.

I've met people who deliberately went out of their way to gain a reputation for being tough, mean, violent, aggressive and confrontational. I've also met people who have purposefully worked at developing a reputation of being, kindhearted, generous, understanding, approachable and knowledgeable.

What you do, whether infrequently or consistently, contributes to the formation of the reputation you have at home, in the workplace or on the sports field.

Do you pay attention to what you are doing, that creates your reputation?

Who Cares?
Is it all that important to be concerned about your reputation? Surely, we have no control over it. After all it's peoples perspective and we can't control that!

You're partly right - we can influence the way people perceive us and in doing so, influence how they form their opinions of you. And in turn, the kind of reputation you will have.

You buy a product or service based on the reputation it has. Often passed onto you by friends. I've heard this spoken amongst friends when telling of a restaurant they ate at, where the service was poor and the food portions minuscule. How many times have we spoken of poor behaviour in the workplace and passed it onto others? Bad news travels fast!

A negative reputation can affect your ability to get a promotion, secure employment or make new friends. The cost of a bad reputation is often not obvious as many speak of your reputation behind closed doors. The damage done by a poor reputation is more often done behind closed doors and shared over a coffee or wine. Is it important to have a good one - YES!

Make it a Good One
I've listed for you 4 R's that need to be present to form a good reputation. They what I consider the basics necessary for forming a great reputation. A reputation that will precede you, in a positive way.

Responsible: Are you responsible? Do people know that you take ownership for what you do, whether it works or doesn't. Do you take care of others property? Do you make decisions and willing to be responsible for the results? Do you drive the company car as carefully as you would your own? Are you able to admit that you're wrong? That you made a screw up of things and are willing to own what happened or are you the type who avoids taking responsibility for what you do. There's plenty of those types around!

To form a great reputation you need to be responsible. Are you? If not - what changes will you make to begin to reshape your reputation?



Reliable: Can you be counted on? Do you do what you say you will? Do you say what you mean? Are you timely? Do you turn up when you say you will? Do you deliver what you said you would? Do you value others who are reliable, people who can be counted on? Of course you do! So... are you reliable?

Being reliable versus unreliable is about whether people can count on you. If you can be counted on, then you will be forming a sound reputation with the people around you.

Receptive: How receptive are you to feedback given you? Do you embrace change easily? Are you open to new processes? Do you take an interest in new ideas? Are you able to be given direction easily? How approachable are you?

Your level of receptivity will guide your reputation. People will speak of you as being an approachable person.

Remarkable: What do you do on a regular basis that makes you stand out? What are you doing that makes people want to speak about you in daily conversations or over email and MSN?

Are you committed to being remarkable at what you do or are you just plain average?

If you want to be talked about in such a way, that you have a reputation that precedes you. Then you need to be truly remarkable at what you do. It is this quality that must be present, that will ensure you are worthy of others remarking about you. What are you doing to make this happens?

A Strong Foundation

A reputation that is based on you being: responsible, reliable and receptive will positively influence the building of a reputation that can pay positive dividends to your advancement in your career, relationships, recruitment or sporting success.

Make a decision to be committed to forming a positive reputation. This will require you to be aware of how you treat people you meet daily, the service you provide and the product you deliver. You will need to be more conscious of what you do and how that can add or detract from you having a good reputation. Take this message lightly, and you will be ankle tapping yourself. It's up to you whether you find it important to have a "...reputation that precedes you".

Personally, I have found it invaluable to consistently contribute to the forming of a positive reputation. How about you?

Resist and Suffer

I was coaching a client a few weeks back and she said how she had been a reformed alcoholic. She had been "dry" for 12 years. She also said how she was still an alcoholic and would always be one. Her question to me was, did I think she would ever be free from being an alcoholic? As she still had, at times, the need to consciously resist the desire to have a drink.

Another client I was coaching had decided to stay and strive in her beloved career (rather than suffer and surrender) But still had to meet with and interact with the person she was uncomfortable with. The question: would she be able to get to the point where that person no longer is able to fire off a negative emotional response within her via meetings, emails, reporting, phone calls etc... or would she have to consciously resist those negative emotions that arose from having to engage with this person -forever?

I was speaking to a reformed smoker who had given up smoking for some 6 months or so. He was previously smoked as many as 20 or more cigarettes a day. He had tried to give up a number of times before and this was the longest period he had been smoke-free to date. The problem he had: He had times when mixing socially where he smelt the aroma of a cigarette and found he had to resist consciously the desire to have a cigarette, whenever this happened.

Ok - now my point.


Settling for too Little too Soon
We settle for having moved on and overcome our old habits, yet we remain shackled to the past stimulus, be it alcohol, a person or cigarettes. We celebrate that change has occurred and yet console ourselves that we will remain always resisting the urge to take up the old behaviour or respond as we used to. And this is our fate.

I want you to have a different view of change. Rather than the view that change happens by degrees or in part. But happens completely! Yet we settle for less than what is possible.

A Cliche
You may have heard it before. If so, here it is again.

"What we resist - persists!"

Use your will to ignore something or some one and notice how hard it is. No matter how hard we try to stop thinking like that or doing that thing. It remains. And, in many cases wins and overcomes us. Defeats our every attempt to change. So much so, that we surrender to the old habit and accept that change is not for me.

Will you always be haunted by that smell, taste, emotion or person? Will change always be about having to fight the urge to resume it?

In my opinion and experience the answer is NO!

Congratulations that you've bought about change in your life. That you have been clean or free from that old habit for so long. If you have the urge or calling to return. If you have to at times consciously resist the desire, or to respond as you once did. Then you are not yet, changed fully.


Another View
As a non-smoker. I've never smoked. Do you think I am attracted to smoking a cigarette, drawn to buy a packet? Do you think that I have to consciously resist the urge to light up and inhale? As a non-smoker, do you think, truly, that I am in anyway compelled to ignore other smokers and an urge to join them and smoke?

Hopefully you answered NO. That's right I have NO urge or inclination to smoke at all!!!

This is the level of change that we must move towards when releasing an old habit. There is no fight, struggle or resistance towards what we once may have been or how we used to respond. There is nothing to ignore!

So, how do we move from being free from the behaviour of being an alcoholic, to being completely free from the desire to want to have a drink, and devoid from needing a drink to pass your lips?

That's the level of change we must move towards and not be left at the fringe of being truly set free yet still tied to the old habit or addiction (one and the same, in my mind).


Free from Resisting
Here are some key points for coaching a client, or for you to personally move beyond this limiting level of change. Where change has occurred, but there is still the need at times, for conscious resistance (act of will power) to backsliding into the old habit.

Here are some helpful points to consider:

• Be aware of that you do have some ties to the old habit or attractant
• Congratulate yourself and celebrate the path towards full change that you have made so far
• Decide to take your change to the next level
• Do not accept that the level of change you have is the best you can have
• Do not surrender to accept the level of change you have so far as being the best you could expect
• Decide to apply yourself to being free at every level
• Take on the attitude of being completely free

FREE means:

• I do not have to ignore "it" for there is nothing to ignore


• I do not give any emotional energy to "it".


• I pay it NO mind


• It doesn't deserve my attention, emotional energy, focus or time


• I focus on what I am now not who I was then


• I believe that true freedom from "it" is a reality for me with out conditions or effort


• I believe that there is no appeal for me in the old behaviour


• There is no importance or value whatsoever, in the old behaviour for me. (none)


• I have stepped mentally away and there is now acceptable distance between myself and the old attractant


• That you can be present with the old attractant and there is no urge or desire for it at all


• I am at peace when faced with "it"


• There is no struggle, I am at rest.

If you're a Coach then this is the level of transformation you are to deliver to your client. If you are wanting the height, depth and breadth of change I am talking about, then take on the points I have listed above. You may also have to remove the beliefs of accepting a lower level of change.



In Closing
I'm not saying that, as a confirmed alcoholic, you can have a drink again and not be consumed with it as you once were. I understand that there are those who have very addictive qualities and also it appears a gene may be present that, in the right conditions, can take over rational thinking and decision making. What I am saying is, you can abstain from anything without having to be constantly battling with it in your mind. That this is possible for you irrespective of the addiction!

In the past I have had my own "demons" to battle with. Be they people who had hurt me, drugs or unacceptable behavioural habits. I know personally that it is possible to get to the point where you pay "no-mind" to it or them anymore.

Why? Because you are free from it/them in every way.

This is the level of change that resides beyond using your conscious will to maintain personal change. It is the place of total freedom.

If you are a coach, learn how to do this for your client. If you are tormented a little or a lot. Find a Coach who can assist you with this, or alternatively my contact details are on this blog site.



Remember: "That which we resist - persists."

Facing Failure Favourably

Without a doubt the most common quality high performers have amongst each other, irrespective of backgrounds or careers, is the innate ability to come back after a setback.

No matter how big, bad, awful or horrendous you may call it at the time. The ability for you to "come back" after a setback is paramount for long term success.

Failed once or twice in a professional context have you? Made a mistake or 3 in your lifetime, so far? Screwed up and thought you were a screw up? Made the same mistake more than once?

So... hands up if you've made a mistake? Keep your hands up if you've woken up beside a mistake! (Joke! - for some it may be true tho!)

Ok - seriously though. Doesn't it hurt a little or a lot when you make a mistake? After all, if making a mistake didn't hurt it wasn't that important to you - was it?

Personally I've made my fair share of mistakes, setbacks and general run of the mill, screw-ups!!! The good news is, I have many more to make!

Learning Requires It

The pathway to success demands of us to make mistakes and experience failure. It also demands of us to review our progress and make necessary changes to improve our performance. Our ability to overcome setbacks, as I mentioned earlier, determines the level of success we have or not.

This is pretty straight forward yet often hard to remember when we are caught in our awareness of having lost, failed or made a mistake. Especially if it was in the process of doing something we consider highly important to us. Be assured - no long term progress can be achieved without making mistakes and overcoming them.

Bouncing Back

Facing failure favourably requires a specific mind set which I want to highlight here the key features that must be present to bounce back from any setback. They are people who:

• Know that making mistakes is an integral part of the learning process.


• Know that learning from the mistake and making corrective changes ensures progress


• They are kind on themselves when they make a mistake (not being demeaning with themselves when using self-talk)


• Know that a failure is nothing more than a temporary experience


• That failure is not permanent


• That failure is specific to the task they have attempted and NOT an indication that other areas of their lives will be affected (They isolate the mistake)


• That failure or mistakes says nothing about them as a human being


• Their failure is nothing more than feedback based on what they have done and can be learnt from for continuous long term improvement to occur


• They are only momentarily ruffled, gutted or pissed off about making the mistake.


• They quickly make adjustments in behaviour or attitude to right the mistake


• They remain constantly focused on the long term goal they wish to achieve


• They know that making mistakes is part of the journey and positively embrace mistake making (Yahoo - look at how badly I messed up!)


• That failure is what they do not who they are. (Behaviour & Identity as separate entities yet connected)


• That their behaviour is an expression of who they are and does not define them as a person

Go over each of these points and identify which point/s you find difficult to accept. This exercise will help you identify where you are to focus your energy. Once you've identified the points that you struggle with begin to entertain that the point/s is a reality for you. Entertain the idea that this is possible and as a result of that, what else is possible for you if you were to embrace that point and any other I've listed. Keep considering how that point can benefit you in the midst of a setback scenario. Remember these are the qualities and principles that people who have had radical setbacks in their lives, use and as a result of using them, make unbelievable comebacks from. Rising above and beyond what may have intially appeared to be insurmountable odds. They are human. Just like you. And therefore, if they can use these points to make a come back then (guess what?) so can YOU!

No Better Time Than NOW

Don't wait any longer - identify what you need to add into your bounce back attitude and begin to act on it as a certainty for you. Notice how you are more resilient now.

If you new these principles and acted on them would past hurts have been easier to overcome? Should you face (and you will) more setbacks, screw-ups and mistakes in the near future. Will you be able to then, rise above them, and move on faster than usual?

Ok - enough said.

I assure you I have much more to say about this subject. For now you have enough to overcome the initial hurt of making mistakes or failing. The most common thing I see that stops people from moving on when they've screwed up and stay down longer than they need to. Is their ability to put themselves down and continue to ridicule themselves (time and time again) about having made a mistake, long after it has happened. Sadly, some have done this for a lifetime. Don't allow this to be you.

Follow the points I've listed above and share them with others.

Thumbs up for your continued progress when faced with failure, mistakes, setbacks and every day screw ups!

P.S. The sooner Organisation's celebrate mistakes and ensure staff have a safe environment where mistakes can be learnt from. The sooner we will overcome the "cover my own arse" attitude that many Businesses, Organisations and Government Departments have. All because they have created a culture where it is "unsafe" for staff or management to make, and own mistakes they've made!!!

Modern Day Fortune Telling

I wanted to have a poke and prod at a popular topic that I've found irratating (I have a few favourites). In fact I'm wanting to purposely tread on some toes and burn a sacred cow!

This cow is widely accepted, not just within our homes, schools and communities, but also strongly present in businesses. Resulting in a multi million dollar income for some.

So here goes...


Old Origins
We seem to, as a race of people, since the earliest of ages wanted to know about the meaning, origin and destination of many things. Like the stars, the planet, people, the future, the after life etc... and have embraced many different ways of gaining understanding or insight into these.

Look back through history and you will have stories of prophets, fortune tellers, readers of the stars providing many creative ways of trying to understand each other, or the situations we face. Especially the unknown and difficult to explain events.

My focus here is on how we have tried to understand each other. What will happen of me? Where am I headed in life? Who am I best suited to work with or marry? What career am I best suited for? Will I get on with everyone in the team. These and many other questions have been posed, and needing to be answered.

So over thousands of years we've come up with very creative answers by gazing into crystal balls, the reading of tea leaves, tarot cards, faces, palms, astrological signs and goodness knows what else. All in an attempt to try and answer those questions about who am I and how do I fit in with others.


In Modern Times
Well, with science and skepticism, and the modern day, 21st century world, we have moved on (some of us have). And we like to debunk these old methods of reading people and whether they are the perfect match or not. Right?

Wrong!

Instead, we have confidently replaced them with covert models. Psychological models that are supported by research and data and renamed them psychometric testing or analysis rather than tarot card reading!!!

We get a respected field like Psychology or Neuro Science (preferably people with a Ph.d, although in Myers Briggs case a Mother and Daughter will do) to condone the use of the "proven tool". To evaluate (guess!) one another and make determinants about how this person or that person will perform in the workplace. Sounds so very feasible and with so many doing it, it must be right. Right?

Wrong, Again!

If there has ever been an outstanding pseudo-science it would have to be the attempt to predict human behaviour, character, talent, attributes and the like, byway of an elaborate list of questions and answers. Presented in some well designed software package, which you purchase for thousands, in the hope your recruitment program will pick (like a rabbit out of a hat) the right person for the position you've advertised.

Human Resource departments, Recruitment Agencies, Counsellors, School Teachers (learning styles) the Police Recruiter and the Psychologist must be right. Right?

Wrong, Three Times! (3 strikes you're out)

When will we understand that a battery of questions, supported by a population cross-section analysis, does not qualify any "tool" to define whether a person is or is not capable. We have accepted without question that Myers Briggs, DISC, Personality Plus, Tetra Map, Meta-Programs, Psycho-geometrics, Psychometric Analysis and every other personality typing tool is useful for determining human character. (makes me wanna puke! If your tool isn't listed here, doesn't mean your not included - cause you are!).

As a sideline, I'm also targeting those Leadership typing inventories that are being used by Training Companies and HR Departments! Apparently to know your strengths and weaknesses in the hope that you'll develop into a great or more improved leader. What did they do a few hundred years ago to select a great leader? I wonder...?

Personality typing is at best as useful as reading today's horoscope in your local paper! Many are making large financial gains in promoting these typing tools just as the fortune tellers of long ago did, and still do today.

Great arguments support each typing inventory from people with lots of letters after their names gained from prestigious Universities. Quite impressive! And very credible (for some).

We spend billions of dollars on forecasting the weather. We have weather satellites monitoring it's every move. Meteorologists world wide extrapolating every possibility from the data collected, and still they can't predict the weather accurately!!!

Personality typing is less a science than meteorology and far more inaccurate as well.

You can no more depend on personality typing to predict "team-fit" in a recruitment process than you can in reading palms or throwing a dice. I love the story of an HR Manager, short listing CV's for a Managers position by throwing a dice and deciding that way, which applicants will progress to the next stage. Because he only wanted those to he employed who have "luck" on their side!

Put In Context

Personality typing is in my opinion modern day fortune telling. Use it with caution or for a laugh! Use it as an indication how some one MAY respond in a given context. Use it as 1 spoke in a multi spoked wheel of recruitment - never as a determinant of whether a person gets the position or not.

Get very good at knowing who you are searching for if your recruiting for a specific position and refuse to evaluate "team-fit" by using a personality typing tool. If you know from experience who you are wanting to recruit you wont have a need for a "best-guess" tool like psychometric analysis.

I haven't got enough space to fully explain the in's and out's of the point I'm wanting to make here. If I have gotten you to think more about getting to know people and putting less trust in your typing tool, then I have achieved what I wanted to in this blog.

I'll write more on this topic in later articles and because I love a good BBQ - I've got more sacred cows to burn in the near future!!!

A Word of Warning for Coaches:

Sadly, the overplaying of typing evaluations is seeping into Corporate Coaching.

Beware!

Get to know your client. Treat them as the unique human being they are. Allow your client to be who they are and not some pathetic profile you've bought into. Coach them to their needs and not to a predetermined evaluation.

Self Esteem versus Self Image

In an earlier article I entitled - Mirror mirror on the wall. I wrote quickly in the opening paragraphs of that blog, about looking at yourself in the mirror, and if you responded with a "...oh yuck.." or "...god I'm getting old..." When looking at yourself in the mirror, this was, in my opinion, typically a sign of low self esteem.

Could it be, that it isn't low self esteem, and actually, just a comment, that you're not happy with how you look at the present time? And therefore, be more about your self image and not your self esteem.

Yes it could be, is the short answer.

What I have found more often than not is, when we reject self: our facial appearance, height, weight, intelligence etc... I have found, that more often than not, with those I am coaching, it is linked more with low self esteem than with healthy self esteem.

There is nothing wrong with not being happy about the appearance of another wrinkle on your forehead or loss of hair and a receding hairline or added pounds as you stand on the scales. There is nothing wrong with wanting to renovate the vehicle they move through the world in (their body). The key to whether it is or is not linked to low self esteem is this.

Do you still believe strongly, that you are of value and importance with or without your looks?

If you do not believe you are of worth without your looks, because of the way you appear, then it is low esteem we are dealing with.


It's Unconditional Stupid!
Healthy self esteem is unconditional. (read that a few times and get it into your being)

That is - whether you are 20 pounds overweight or lost your hair, or got another unwanted wrinkle. Do you believe you are of value or do you attach specific conditions that need to be met, for you to be of value?

Do you say "...When I've lost those pounds, or wear make up, or have that hair treatment, then I'll be of value?" These are conditions, and self esteem is not about conditions. It is about valuing yourself completely without conditions attached.

You do not have to do anything at all, to have a healthy level of self esteem.

Click on my video blog and bring this message alive!

As I mentioned in my previous blog, self esteem is a gift you give to yourself. It's a gift you were given at birth and it's up to you to claim it. Claim what? I am saying that you are a valuable human being and it is your birth right. Are you willing to claim your birth right? That you are indeed a valuable human being? Here and now, without having to "do" anything!

To value yourself unconditionally! You do not have to wait for something to change or something to happen. You can give yourself permission to value yourself unconditionally - now!


It's Ok to Renovate
I've been asked during a training on self esteem "...does that mean we should not have cosmetic surgery...?" No! is my instant response. In fact, I'm all for you doing whatever you want to do to improve your appearance. The question I have is this " Do you value yourself unconditionally with or without it?

"Go to the gym, go for a run, wear make up, buy nice clothes". All this is fine with me - BUT, if you don't do it, are you still of value as a human being? That's the link.

What I have found is, that people who have healthy self esteem will care for them selves because they want to express the inner value they have of themselves, in all they do. So they take care of themselves. Have a look at people who pay no attention to thier appearance or their personal health and hygiene. You will find low self esteem exists there and you will also find this to be true at the other end of the scale with those who have to have all the looks, the body and clothes to match. They have an obsession with looking good to hide their low self esteem which birth all kinds of personal insecurities.

How do I know? Because they tell me that they feel less of a person when they don't look a certain way.

Do you get it now? Does it makes more sense to you now? (I hope so)


I wanted to clarify this point, which I wasn't clear about in my earlier blog on self esteem.

I hope that clears it up for you. And Michael, thanks for the feedback which generated this blog reply.

Coaching versus Mentoring

How many corporates and businesses (big or small) are starting Mentoring or Coaching programs?

From my experience there are quite a few. And rightly so. In-house programs like these are proven to increase staff engagement and productivity. At the same time they can either minimise conflict or support a worker back to being fully engaged once again, after experiencing personal difficulties. Makes sense to do this, and it can all be tracked back to saving 10's if not 100's of thousands of hard earned, business dollars!

BUT - there is confusion out there in the business world!

Many have not, and do not know the distinctions each of these have terms have. Coaching or Mentoring, are they synonimus terms? Aren't they actually the same thing? This leads me to the purpose of this brief article.

The Distinctions
The following description are the distinctions that the Meta-Coach Foundation ( http://www.meta-coachfoundation.com/ ) has made between the 2 terms, along with some additional thoughts of my own on the subject. (no apologies for using some jargon here)


Coaching:
The Coach does NOT tell, direct or recommend the client on what or how to do anything!

• The Coach does NOT have a content or context focus


• The Coach does NOT provide psycho-thearapy


• The coach does NOT "heal" the client


• The Coach does NOT decide for the Coachee the outcome for the coaching session or how to reach the clients goal for them


• The Coach does NOT coach the client at a basic or primary needs level, but at at a transformational and self actualising level (A.Maslow)


• Coaching is where the client or coachee is the expert in the exchange between coach & client.


• The coach is the expert in facilitating the client to achieve their desired outcome.


• The coach is an expert in transformational, self actualising change processes


• The Coach coaches byway of a coaching conversation. Either face to face, by phone or electronically.


• The Coach is an expert in identifying the structure of the clients current situation and facilitates the process of creating the resource structure the client needs, to achieve their outcome.


• The Coach transforms performance and engagement as a result of the coaching conversation


• The Coach facilitates the coachee to be more of who they can be


• The Coaching relationship is one of equality between the 2 parties


• The Coach asks questions and meta-questions, in such a way that they provoke, probe, praise and promote the client to pursue their desired outcome


• The Coach defines specific Key Performance Indicators (KPI) that details the clients outcome for the coaching session and uses these KPI's to define when the client has achieved their outcome.

Is that enough yet? Have you noticed what coaching is, and is not?

If you think you've been offering a business coaching program and aren't aligned with what I've bullet pointed above. Then it's highly likely what you are doing is not Coaching but Mentoring (or something else?).

These disctinctions have been quite a shock for some who have attended our coaching programs. Initially they thought they were offering an in-house coaching program to staff. And found, based on the description I've given you they were not coaching staff at all! Quite a revelation don't you think?

Even worse, I've met people who have thought they were attending a coach certification training, and later found they had attended something that was not about coaching at all but more like a melting pot of teaching, training, psychology, mentoring mixed bag of technqiues, sold as a "Coach" training.

How would you know any different, if you didn't know the distinctions of what coaching is and is not - right? Well... now you do. Don't you?

Oh... that's right... I haven't finished yet, have I.

So what's Mentoring?

Mentoring

• Mentoring is where the Mentor is the expert in the relationship.


• The Mentor has been in the same or a similar role as the mentoree with usually many years of experience under their belt


• The Mentor makes recommendations, directs, or tells the less experienced mentoree what to do in specific situations


• The Mentor works with content and context


• The Mentor guides the mentoree to be more like themselves. For them to do what the Mentor would do in a given situation, by learning from the mentor's vast experience and knowledge


• The Mentor has a skill, competency based focus


• The relationship between the Menotor and mentoree is an unequal one, due to the higher level of experience the Mentor has in their professional field of expertise.

I think that is enough about mentoring. Is mentoring good - YES! Is it the same as Coaching? - most definitely NOT!

The need for a clear distinction between these 2 terms is paramount for defining eaxctly what it is a Coach does and does not do. This is the distinction that Meta-Coach Foundation has made.

The Need for Coaching Skills by Mentors

The skill sets of either role are distinctly different. Can a Mentor use Coaching Skills to enhance a mentoring program. YES! When both are brought together a mentoring program is able to offer so much more than mentoring is on it's own. The most common complaint I hear from Mentors is "How do I get them to do what I know they need to do?" or "How do I get them to come up with the ideas themselves?". Sounds like you need the skill sets of a Coach. (To be more specific, you need a Meta-Coach, but that's another article).

Coaching is less stressful as I don't have to know anything about the content, skill or be more experienced than the coachee. Coaching leaves the coachee empowered, as they come up with their own answers to any problems they have, themselves. Is it any wonder mentoring programs are embracing coach training. To add greater value to an existing "in-house" mentoring program is the big pay-off for them.


Mentoring Success NOT Guaranteed
Mentors have found that they may be an expert in their chosen field, but have no coaching skills that ensure the transfer of their knowledge to a less experienced person. This is the real purpose of a mentoring program. To accelerate the new kid on the block to a greater level of productivity and responsivness, quicker. By learning from the gained experience of a Mentor. The effective exhange of knowledge by the mentor, requires coaching skill sets and the art of facilitation.

Haven't we seen similar examples in sport. Where a multiple world champion, was unable to reach the same level of success as a professional coach?


(An example in our countries prized sport, Rugby - would be Tana Umanga's coaching jaunt in France, after such a successful playing career as a NZ All Black, Super 12 & Regional rugby player and Captain. Resulting in an inability for him to currently bridge the gap between professional player to International Coach)


Why does this happen?

Because they were unable to transfer their skill to others. It requires more than experience and mentoring. It requires Coaching skills that focus on structure and facilitation and not skill sets, subject content and context.

Ok... enough now.

I hope this has been helpful in defining the difference between Coaching and Mentoring. There is much more to know but as I said earlier, this is a brief article. So to make sure it is I'm finished now. Bye!

For more info log onto my own website: http://www.ignition.org.nz/ or the Meta-Coach site at http://www.meta-coaching.org/

Expect Much & Suffer

We all have them, don't we?

A specific level of expectation when being served or waited on at a restaurant? A set, personalised standard, of what you can expect from fellow workmates, a product, or even the weather. If you live here in Auckland, you may actually expect the traffic on the motorway as you drive late to work, to be at an acceptable level so you can arrive on time, and also the traffic lights will turn green, at exactly the right time for you!

Sound silly? No, not really. We do this often.

We hold expectations of others, ourselves or even the natural elements of our planet. We want it to be fine and sunny so the washing can dry, or so we can go fishing with the kids or diving for Kina.

Ever given it any real thought, about how to place your expectations? How to ensure you'll never be disappointed and have your every expectation met?

Well... that's what I'm going to do here, in this brief blog on expectations.

They are, in my opinion an integral part of ensuring whether you will have a great life or a shitty one. Draw your seat in, adjust yourself, and focus your attention here on the screen and let's get to it...

Expectations Link With Emotions

If you have an expectation. That is, you have a specific desired outcome for a specific situation. You have determined how you want things to be, to turn out or to experience. In short you have a strong belief that this is how it is to be. (If you don't fit the description, then you're not dealing with an expectation).

If you get exactly what you expected then you are neither elated or sad. More like, you got it, and so you should, after all that was the expectation. So emotionally it is neither a positive or negative emotional experience for you, more a keeping of the emotional status-quo byway of your expectation being met.

If you receive more than you expected. That is, they exceeded your expectations (over delivered) then depending on how much your expectations were exceeded you will experience a positive elevation in emotion. Conversely, if your expectations are well and truly not met (under delivered) then depending on how much the shortfall is, will determine the level of negative emotion you experience, or down right highly pissed off about things!!!

Ok? Got the emotional connection now?

So what's my point?

By misplacing your expectations you can be setting yourself up for a world of horrible negative emotions on a regular basis - that's my point.

Expectations exceeded - excellent. Expectations that have fallen way short - life is absolute crap.

To free yourself from this dilemma there are specific rules that need to be in place. You'll have greater emotional management and free yourself from the trauma that can arise due to misplaced expectations by following the rules I've outlined below.

The Must Have Rules

1) You can ONLY place expectations where they can be meet with near 100% certainty:

Now where can you do that? With the weather - No! With the traffic flow at peak hour on the way home - No! With people in general - No! (please... don't tell me, your that 1 in a million that can control other people with near 100% certainty aye?) Shall we place them with the traffic lights turning green when you need them to? Got the idea? Good!

The only place you can place expectations with near 100% certainty is with.... YOU!

Have high expectations of yourself to achieve in life, to be honorable, kind, forgiving etc... And you may not know how, so have high expectations to learn how. Expect to get up each time life knocks you down. To be a good parent to your children and to treat people kindly. This you can do, can't you?

2) Expectations can only be placed on others if they are:

1. Made fully aware of them
2. Agree to provide them for you
3. Accept responsibility & accoutability if the are not delivered
4. Agree on the consequences for failing to provide you with your expectations

If you have not got each of these 4 points, then you can NOT place any expectations on another human being. Think about it. How many expectations do you have of others yet you have never discussed it with them or have had them agree to provide them to you. They could be your manager at work, work colleagues, children, friends, lover etc... think about when you were last upset with someone else. What was the expectation that wasn't being met?

If you want to have expectations of others, that's fine. You must however have agreement from them that they will both provide them for you, and also be held accountable if they do not.

Even then a warning. They are, as you are - fallible. They may not (even with the agreement) be able to deliver every time. Therefore, expect yourself to be forgiving, understanding, and supportive of them should they fall short in delivering your expectations.

3) With everything that exits outside of the first 2 rules all you can have is hope. You can hope that the traffic will be good and the traffic lights will turn green on time for you. You can hope that the weather will be fine,and the global recession will right itself soon. You can hope that people who serve you, will treat you well etc... And if these things do not happen, which you hope for, then have high expectations that you will always rise above them and remain in a good place emotionally and physically.

It'll Be A Good Place To Start

There is still much to learn about expectations. This was an introductory writing, that's all. Learn to uplift all expectations you have of others where you have do not have the 4 points I've listed above. People who have let you down, because they never lived up to them or ever new you had them, of them. By doing this, other people who do not meet those expectations will not have emotional power over you. After all, you placed the expectation on them, therefore you can just as easily remove them. If you have no agreement from them, you can not have any expectations of them.

Place hopes where you have no control, certainty or agreement. Have high expectations of yourself and monitor your progress, and be kind on yourself as you seek to realise the expectations you have of yourself. You're human, so you're bound to make the odd mistake here and there.

I have HOPE that you've enjoyed this brief intro' to expectations.