You Get What You Accept

This is a follow on of an earlier blog I've written which I called "You Get What You Focus On". With this blog I carry on the theme and state here, that you also get in life what you accept.

Had Enough of Being Treated Badly?

Complained about how you get treated by your team at work, recently? Have you been unhappy about the way your staff speak to one another? Are you saddened by the way your children treat you? Are you not happy about the way your wife or husband approach you when they have a problem with you?

The good news is, YOUR the problem - not them!

(Please... stop it! Yes, they do have a role to play in causing the situation - but only a minor one role. I'm not focusing on the role they play here, so pay attention and follow what I'm about to explain to you).

Think of how you are unhappy about the way you're being treated by certain people or someone in your life. Think of the specific situation, where and how they treat you poorly. Now understand this - they treat you that way because you have been allowing them to do that to YOU!

You have been training people to treat you the way they do. You never stopped them from speaking to you that way or behaving that way towards you. If you have attempted to stop them - it was just that, an attempt, and a poor one at that! An inconsistant attempt on your part to get them to not treat you the way they are. Alternatively, you have ignored their behaviour and thought, by ignoring it, it would go away. WRONG!

By saying nothing you have been condoning the behaviour, supporting and encouring it. With that in mind, how ironic it is, that you are complaining about it. After all - you've allowed it into your life and conditioned these people or person, to treat you badly.

Do you realise what I am saying? That people behave a certain way towards you, because you have allowed them to do so? Yes, you do get from people, the behaviour you are willing to accept from them.

By being passive when an argument is going on and saying nothing to the people fighting, is the same as saying it's ok to fight the way you have been, in front of me. It's ok to run each other down and belittle one another in front of me. NOT!

What will you accept as acceptable behaviour from others? What will you not accept from another person? What will you do if they ignore your request, for them not to treat you that way? Do you know when to say something about how you're being treated?

Don't complain if you're not going to do anything about how you're being treated. Either address the situation or, to put it bluntly - shut up and handle it! You may recall in a much earlier blog how I gave you 4 options you have when the shit hits the fan. These options are relevent in this situation also. Make a decision and decide what you're going to do - knowing that you have actually created the situation and have played a definite role in why you are being treated the way you are.

It's Easy to Contribute

I've had people I've coached say they wish "he" would stop lying to them. Or they'd like their kids to be more honest with them. Or a boss wanting his staff to be more transparent with her. The fact is, they are not and you have contributed to that situation. Do you know what you have done to influence people to lie to you, be dishonest and avoid being transparent with you?

I assure you, you have contributed to it and if it continues on for quite some time, it is because you are willing to accept things being the way the are.

A Way Forward

Decide what you have done to create the behaviour you're not happy with. Address the person concerned in a safe environment and explain what behaviour you're not willing to accept anymore. Own how you feel about the situation and accept the part that you have played in allowing the behaviour to continue and perhaps even escalate. Decide what action you'll take if they ignore your request, to treat you more fairly (leave, complain to the right person or consequence etc...). Once having done this, it is now up to you to honor what you have said and stick to it, consistently.

In my own opinion, it is unacceptable for you to accept being treated badly. It is unacceptable for you to be stressed out and worn out because of bad behaviour, demeaning comments, intimidating gestures or putdowns. My preference for you, is to make a stand. Know what you will and will not stand for and say so! Stop accepting less than you deserve, because if you do, you will continue to get more of what you are willing to accept.