If NOT You Then Who?

Give these questions some though for a moment:

• Would you like people to notice the work you've been doing?


• Would you like people to think of you when they need a person with your skills and knowledge?


• Would you like to gain that promotion or advance your career?

If so then read on...

We have a cultural leaning away form any form of self promotion. That it is wrong to "...put the wind in your own sails". Here in New Zealand we are advised to "...let you efforts speak for themselves". By doing so, apparently you will be recognised by your works and gain promotion and recognition over time!

Here's a question for you... "Is your career important to you?"

My guess is you answered "Yes!" to that question. My reply to you then, is this:

"If it is so important to you. Why do you leave it to chance or other people to determine whether your efforts are recognised or not?"

Have you noticed how it is often easier for you to speak well of others and not yourself? Have you also noticed how famous people have image consultants, event managers and promotional experts working for them? And more importantly have you noticed that these famous people will also promote themselves and their accomplishments to the right people? That's right - they are capable of promoting themselves directly to others. In fact, often that is how they 1st started out. By knocking on doors and telling those who needed to hear how good they are. They did this on their way to becoming a world wide sensation. If you don't believe me then listen to some of the foundational speaches of Barak Obama's pursuit of the US Presidency, as an example of successful self promotion.

It's Not My Style

It's likely that you will initially struggle with this concept. That self promotion is not only important for your career's success, it is critical. I'm not talking about bragging to any and every one. I'm not talking about false declarations and nor am I talking about you pumping up your worth by being conceited while putting others down.

No! - What I am talking about is strategically positioned and well timed self promotional statements that promote your abilities and accomplishments in such away, that people become aware of what it is your doing and achieving.

If you're not going to do this and do this well - then who? Will you diligently work away at your job and leave it to others to "hopefully" recognise your efforts - or NOT?

Begin NOW

The need for you to be able to say positive statements about yourself and your abilities is integral in contributing to your success. (Think back to your last job interview). Self promotion is not about you braging, being a blow arse or a show-off! It's about you knowing who needs to know about you. It's about finding the appropriate way that you will let them know that you exist and are making a difference.

This will require you to learn how to do this and do this well.

Begin by making a list of who you are. Include in your list the personality qualities that you have i.e. motivation, diligence, collaboration, stick-ability etc... and format a short 15 second presentation that you can say confidently to others. In addition to this write one down about your success either at work or at home and in your personal life. Make this presentation as breif as a few seconds and as long as 20 seconds. Practice it and get good at being able to speak well of yourself. This will not only be good for opportunities that lend themselves to self-promotion but also for you to gain increased confidence in being able to speak well of yourself.

Once you've done that you'll need to be aware of opportunites that arise where you can speak well of yourself. It could be as brief as standing with a senior managersof yours in an elevator and letting them know that you are making excellent gains on a project they initiated (even if you haven't met them before) or it could be at a business dinner where you have an opportunity to explain the progress you are making with your team, budget, planning, intervention etc... Less is always better than too much. And to not do this is worst of all.

For now - this will be enough for you to make a start on your self promotion campaign. Practice it often and then look for opportunities to speak positively of yourself to those people that need to know.

More Goal Models

I seem to be on bit of run with this goal setting stuff. This is my 4th blog on tips and technques on how to do goal setting and planning and I'm sure I'm going to write another after this!



So... read each of them and take from them what works for you in the coaching situation you find yourself.



Trainers: This is an often needed training program so I'm confident there's info here that will add to what you currently do in delivering goal setting & goal getting for your clients.



I'm not convinced that any one of the models I've presented are complete in themselves, yet combined they are exceptional.





This is my version of the SCORE model popularly found in NLP and orginated from Robert Dilts of the USA. It's a simple model (always my preference), yet very effective (a great combination).





The S.C.O.R.E Model:





SITUATION:

This is about the current situation your coaching client faces. The problem on hand - now. The way things are for your client NOW. Each of the components of SCORE have a specific time frame you need to be aware of. Exploring the SITUATION is about discovering what's happening in the moment. What are they faced with? How bad is it or not? By doing this you can create a strong move away from if it's a bad situation or a situation that they wish to address i.e. they be doing well and would like to be doing much better.

The questioning that you do at this stage will give you a great deal of information. As you do and find out what they are experiencing, you'll also discover what possible options emerge to assist them to improve the situation they find themselves in.

CIRCUMSTANCES:

This is about what has happened that lead to or caused (another "c") the current situation that they have. Your questions at this stage are about the past. Questions that discover what has happened to cause the current situation are asked of your client.

• What caused this?
• How long has this been happening?
• What decisions have lead to the situation?
• What are the circumstances that happened to create this situation?

These questions plus the one's you have asked about the current situation, gather information to assist you in finding a way forward. Not in all situations is it necessary for you to find the "cause". It most definitely is possible for us to coach a person to a solution, without knowing the cause or circumstances of "why" they have the situation.







OUTCOME:
So knowing the situation the client is in and the "circumstances" that have happened to put them in their current "situation" - what do they want?



This is the outcome question - "What do you want?" This question is future orientated and about what they want that is beyond their current situation. This requires them to be aware of what they have and where they want to be (gained from situation and circumstance).




Your questions will be about setting the outcome or goal they want to achieve:

• What do you want?
• What will change the curent situation?
• Knowing that you have what you have what do you want?
• How would you like things to be for you rather than what you have?
• What's the solution to your situation?
• What needs to happen so this never happens again?

These questions or similar variations of them, will focus the client on creating a way forward. Be very specific in defining what it is they want. Be precise at this stage and seek clarity of the exact goal or solution that will right the wrong or increase their experience. You will need to ask questions about your clients time frames, location, direction and intention (not all may be appropriate). Moving them on and beyond the situation and circumstances of the present and past.


Footnote: An important couple of questions to ask here are:

• How will you know you have achieved it?
• What is the evidence that will let you know that you have achieved your outcome?

These questions give clarity and specificity to them knowing they have achieved their outcome.








RESOURCES:

Having decided on the solution the next stage is decide on what the resources are that will support the outcome to be realised. The resources decided on will be a combination of internal and external resources i.e. attitude, mindsets, material or practical support items. Quality control the resources chosen. The questions asked at this stage, look and sound like:

• What do you need to gain the resources to achieve your outcome?
• What needs to happen to secure the resources?
• Are the resources available to you now?
• What do you need to do to gain these resources?
• When will you do this?
• Are the resources you need within your personal control - if not what needs to happen to gain their support?

Each of their resources may need to be goals in themselves and require time frames and specific steps to gain the necessary resources. Be specific about each of the resources identified and quality control check them as being required to achieve their outcome.





EFFECT:
This is the risk management component of the goal getting acronym SCORE. Questions asked here are questions that bring awareness of the effect of achieveing their goal. It will also include questions that ask about the ecology, expense and effort (all e's) required to achieve their outcome. These questions will be similar to:

• What if it doesn't work?
• What are the risks?
• What could may hinder your progress?
• What's worse case scenario for you?
• Are you prepared to make the effort required of you?
• When things could go wrong & what will you do - what is the solution?
• Are you prepared for both the positive and negative effects of you achieving your outcome?

By doing this you will make the outcome more robust and complete for your client. Ensuring their succes and inturn yours as their coach or trainer. Problems may come up as a result of these questions. If so, ask what the solutions are and the resources needed to overcome any possible setback.





Closing Comments:
All right then!

There you go. That'll get you going - for now.

Remember to incorporate some or all of the other techniques I've written and I am confident you will have at your disposal an excellent goal setting model. Wishing you well...




Picture: At the top: Robert Dilts - not met him yet but thought it'd be good to picture him here as it's originator.

SMARTER Goals

You probably know the S.M.A.R.T. acronym for the specific criteria required for goal setting. Well I wasn't all that happy with it and I have made some changes to it for you to consider. Here they are:




You don't want just S.M.A.R.T. goals, NO what you need are S.M.A.R.T.E.R goals!


This is not the entire presentation I give on this "updated" model of SMART. I'll give you the basics and then can you add to each of them and make it your own.






SPECIFIC:
Be specific about what you want. If you are too vague or general in describing your goal you are diluting your ability to achieve it. Be very detailed about what you want and ask questions like: (some may be more relevant than others)

• What exactly do you want?
• When exactly do you want it?
• What does it look like, sound like & feel like?
• How much of it do you want?
• How will you know when you have achieved it?
• How will you fully describe this in see, hear observe language?

When being specific I recommend that you ensure that your description of what you want is not just in detail but also include sensory based wording i.e. what will you see? what will you hear? How will you know you have achieved your goal? - specifically using visual, auditory and observable wording to describe this.

MEANINGFUL:

When your goal is meaningful you most certainly will achieve it. You need to know "why?" you want it and be conscious of the meaning you have placed on it - daily. To put more passion in your pursuit you need to ask the question "...why do I want this?" You need to ask it 8-12 times and be generous with your answers. Take this seriously. What will you say if asked to speak for 7 minutes on the reason why you are committing yourself to achieveing this goal?

Once you have all your answers written down, focus on the 3 most important ones on your list and visualise these 3 in detail. Absorb yourself in them and commit to being aware of them daily and especially when the going gets tough. Visualise yourself having difficulties in achieving your goal and remind yourself at that time of the 3 key resons why you want to achieve your goal. The 3 reasons will become a driving force that bolsters your determination to overcome any and all setbacks that you may face along the way.

When your goal is full of meaning - you will not be stopped!

ATTITUDE: Your attitude is a priority when it comes to ensuring your success when goal setting.

• How resilient will you need to be?
• How disciplined do you need to be?
• What is the specific attitude that you need to ensure you get what you want?
• What state of mind do you need to be successful?
  

These questions need to be answered and you need to consider both the best and worst case scenrio's and have the attitude that will get you through any and all difficulties that you may face. Having the ability for you to access the right attitude may be beyond you as this is a specialist field. What I suggest, if you do not know how to do this, then seek out a Neuro Semantic Meta-Coach or an NS Trainer. They'll get this sorted for you - easily. Remember, attitude is everything, when it comes to getting what you want.

RESOURCES: To succeed it is highly likely you'll need support. This may require financial, personal, intellectual support. It may be as complex as an extensive marketing and business plan or as simple as calling a friend. These resources may be either internal resources (attitude and mindset) or external resources (money, car, shoes etc...). Your list of resources needs to be well researched and tested, so that you will have all that you need, to achieve your goal.

What do you need so you can achieve your goal?

What assistance do you need?

Where will you go to get help?

What help do you need?

TIME: Your goal will need to be time bound. The goal needs to have both a start and stop dates.You'll need both short and longer sequenced time frames. This will let you know whether you are on target to achieve your goal.

• When will you start?


• What are shorter timeframes of achievement that you'll review your progress?


• When will you have achieved key milestones along the way?


• When will you achieve your end desired goal?


• How long will this take you?

Another thing to consider is whether it is timely now to begin or would be better to wait for a time in the very near future. This addresses seasonal demands, preparedness time constraints and the need to align with other time frames that may be out of your control. i.e. a goal of learning to ski may not be possible until the winter months.

ECOLOGY This is a step that is often overlooked. In all your zest to work towards your goal you miss considering what could go wrong and whether there is the possibility that achieveing your goal, could negatively impact you. Take time to think this through.

What could go wrong?

• What danger is there?
• 
  
  What is out of my control and how will address that?
• 
  
  Am I prepared for worse case scenarios?

Your answers here could reveal that you need to address with resources some additional points. If that is the case, revisit the other categories of SMART. In doing so, you will have a more robust plan to maximise your success.

RESET & REVIEW: Set specific times where you will review your progress.

• Is my plan working?
• What is and what is not working?
• What changes need to be made?
• What is relevant and what is not?
• Am I on time or am I ahead of time?

Reviews are valuable to ensure consistant progress takes place and also is a must for you once you have achieved your goal. At the end of a goal reset new goals. I have found as you may also, that it is the pursuit of a goal that makes life rewarding not the attainment of it.

The SMARTER formula is a simplistic yet valuable goal setting formula. It is not what I consider a well rounded and complete personal success model. But, it does have a number of the key points necessary for you to achieve what you want. Do read my earlier article on what they didn't tell you about goal setting.

I hope this helps in giving you a base from which to set your personal goals from. I will be offering challenging views of what is consdiered necessary criteria in goal setting found in NLP and Neuro Semantic goal setting known as a Well formed Outcome. Revist later this month for that info.

Goal Setting Success

Following my last Blog, I thought I'd write you some important stages in coaching a person to formulating a goal and ensure all the parts are present. I'm assuming that you will apply the tips I gave you in the previous blog. I find the popular S.M.A.R.T. formula of goal setting rather tedious and present in this and my previous blog another alternative.

I encourage you to take the 10 goal setting tips I wrote earlier and use this framework to attach those previous important points to and as a result further increase the possibility of you achieving what you want.

GOAL SETTING

Stage 1): KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

I'm going to break this 1st stage down to it's smaller components so you can be more specific in getting this 1st important step right.

You need to KNOW what you want. That is, you are to have the "know-ledge" of what you want. If you do not know what you want, then allow yourself to dream, imagine or consider what it is that you want for your life. There is a real need (in my humble opinion) to know that life without a goal to pursue is a life that is not being self-actualised. I'm not going to fully justify why I am saying that. I will say in brief, that I'm wanting you to know that the pursuit of a goal, whatever it is, brings a greater level of meaning and satisfaction to your life, rather than for you to vegetate and surrender to doing nothing with your life on a regular, long term basis (for some this is a full time occupation).

A personal goal will give you a sense of direction and purpose. A goal-less life, is a life that has less meaning and less purpose. I hope that is enough for you to consider setting yourself a goal. And doing it quickly. Be it a short-term or long-term goal, but a goal all the same. You may want to start with something small and build up to setting larger and more bodacious goals as you grow in confidence in goal achieving.

You need to know what you want. It's important that YOU want it. The first stage that's needed for you, is that what you want, MUST be something that YOU and YOU alone - want! It is not to be something that you want, because he or she (Mum or Dad) wants you to have it as a goal. The focus that I am wanting you to have at this stage is that you are pursuing your goal because YOU want it.

Lastly - Whatever it is that you know you want. You must WANT it. You will achieve it if you want it enough. It's the want that will drive you forward and break through any and all setbacks. When you want it and want it with every cell of your mind and body you will have it.

Too often we say we want something and it is not a WANT it's only a WISH! Do you want it? Does it fill your being with desire to posses it? When you want at this level you will achieve it you will get what you want. The main thing that stops you from having what you want is not the knowing of what you want -it is the lack of wanting. To want it more and more ask yourself the question why? Why do you want it? Why else do you want it and ask this question some 7-12 times and make a list and quickly become embroiled in the 3-5 main reasons why you want it and be conscious of it throughout your day. Increase your initial desire for what you want by being mindful of the WHY that drives you to want to achieve your goal.

Stage 2): TAKE ACTION

Once you know what you want it's time to do something about it. Not just anything but a planned and strategic approach to specific, practical steps that lead you towards what you want. (read that sentence again and again till you get it).

Here are some questions that you will need to answer, so that you take calculated and practical steps in actioning your goal. Some may be more relevant than others.

• Do you know what you need to be doing to get what you want?


• Who do you need to speak to?


• When will you start taking action?


• When will you achieve it exactly?


• What do you need so you can achieve your goal?


• What resources do you need, both internal and external resources?


• Who needs to support you in your goal achieving journey?


• What is you 1st, 2nd and 3rd steps?


• What are you going to do in the short-term?

Apply the answers that you have and put them into an action plan. Be detailed in the writing of your plan. Leaving nothing out. Make it clear and precise. The more precise you are in the action steps that you write into your plan, the higher the likelyhood of you achieving what you want. Spare no detail when making an action plan. This stage will give you confidence and formulate a more complete understanding of the effort required of you.

Stage 3): RISK MANAGEMENT

I want you to now address the possible risks, setbacks or self-sabotage that may occur in taking action while in the pursuit of your goal. Use the following questions to assist you in minimising the likelihood of you failing.

• What could possibly go wrong for you?


• What may sabotage your efforts?


• What will you do to overcome any setbacks?


• What are the possible negative impacts that may happen, when you achieve your goal?


• What solutions do you have to successfully address all your setbacks?

Stage 4): MONITORING PROGRESS

Taking action without monitoring your progress is fool hardy. Working hard, without realising whether you are actually moving in the right direction, the goal and supporting actions, soon becomes meaningless. To avoid wasting your efforts you must regularly monitor your progress. I've listed a few questions to prompt you to accurately monitor your progress or not.

• Are your actions taking you towards or away from your goal?


• When will you check you progress?


• What are the specific times or dates that you will check your progress?


• How will you know that you are making progress?


• What will you do if you are not on track?


• Will you use a 3rd party to monitor your progress?


• When things go wrong and your efforts wasted what will you do to get back on track?


• Are you willing to accept your efforts have been wasted and are you able to make the appropriate changes to realign yourself with your goal?

Write your answers into your action plan to ensure you have, specific monitoring milestones, to check that your progress is taking place and you are on track.

Goal Setting Summary

Once you have worked through the 4 stages and also integrated the 10 important tips that I have listed in my earlier blog, you are now well prepared to pursue your goal. Pursue it with absolute gusto. Let nothing distract you from possessing what you want. Enjoy every moment and every step along the way.

Wishing you well as you strive towards your goals.

Colin: www.ignition.org.nz

What You Didn't Learn About Goal Setting

Have a look through your NLP Practitioner training manual or your Neuro Semantic manual and look up the Well Formed Outcome Model. This is a typical goal setting pattern with specific criteria that needs to be present for you to achieve your goals, or to coach others in achieving there's.

What I've found is there are many techniques that ensure your success in goal setting that aren't specifically addressed in the Well formed outcome model so I thought you'd like to have some additional proven tips, to maximise you resultsBefore I do that we need to have brief look at the Well formed outcome pattern.



Here are the 8 basic steps (not including sub-headings) of the Well Formed Outcome Model:



1) State the outcome in positive terms

2) State the outcome in sensory based terms

3) Specify the outcome so it is compelling

4) Run an ecology check on the outcome

5) Is it self initiated and maintained?

6) State the specific context of the outcome

7) State the resources needed for you to achieve it

8) What evidence will you have to know you have achieved your goal?



What's missing?


Quite a lot actually! And really important stuff too!



Here are 10 critical points for you to ensure the likelyhood of you achieving your goal and will greatly enhance the Well Formed Outcome Model. They are in no particular order and supported by research. (email me if you want the details)



Accountability:
Who will you ask to hold you accountable for you to achieve the goal? Who will the person be that will keep you on track throughout the process? Who will you tell what it is that you are wanting to achieve?



Planning:
What are the specific steps you will take and the specific time frames for each of these steps? Include all the necessary resources and align them with the timeline of the outcome you are wanting to achieve.

Support:
Who will support you through the stages of the goal?
Who will offer you emotional support through the steps along the way?
What specific support do you require from others?



Rewards:
What rewards will you recieve at specific stages of the journey to achieving your goal? Ensure that the reward does not conflict with your long term goal i.e. spending money when your goal is to save money or eating forbidden food when you are wanting to shed weight!


Problem & Solutions:
What will stop you from achieveing your goal and what 2 solutions do you have to overcome each of them? Be fully prepared for worse case scenario. Know what will slow you down or attempt to make you fail and have a clear strategy to overcome each of them.



Visualisation:
Visualise the effort, commitment and dedication required of you at each step of the plan you have formulated. Visualise yourself overcoming each difficulty artehr than you achieving the end result. 80% of the visualisation process is to be on effort and overcoming and 20% on the end result.



WHY Power:
Make and extensive list of WHY you want to achieve this goal. Ask the yoruself why - a dozen or more times and bullet point the 3 main reasons why you want the goal. Remember: when you know WHY you are doing it you WILL do it!



Mindfulness:
Be mindful, on a regular basis, of WHY you want to make the effort required of you. Take a brief moment through your day to refelect on why you are doing what you are doing.



Journal:
Write a progress record or a blog of how you are doing. Write in it encouraging comments to keep you focused when the going gets tough. Remember to record your successes and how you have overcome all your setbacks.



Pict-o-Gram:
Make a mindmap, poster or pict-o-gram of your goal. Cut out pictures make it colourful and have it in a plce that you will see regularly.



There you go, 10 points that will greatly enhance your chances of achieveing your goal. Weave each of them into your usual Well Formed Outcome Model and you will maximise your own chances and those you coach, in achieving their goals!



Simple, aye?



I know this list is not complete and there are other key points that can be integrated. Use these ones for now and see how it goes...

Do You Know What You Are Doing?

This article was 1 I wrote quite some time ago (It's been updated here). It is specifically for trainers or educators who present to others in a training or classroom style setting. I'll post a number of blogs specifically for trainers. If you're a coach reading this then all you need to do is change the wording from "trainer" to "coach" and you'll find it's very relevant to you also. This is another blog that will nicely link to those I have written on mastery. (Personally I believe that coaches can definitely use some training/presentation skills to grow their coaching business)

Those of you who wish to be masterful as a trainer, then read this and also the other blogs I have written on Mastery which you will find in the archive section.

It Starts With Awareness
You’re about to read my first description of what I consider is the place to start for you to move towards training mastery. I'm calling it (mastery) as your ability to understand and practice this statement “knowing what you do and doing what you know and know what you do does to the learner”. That's my description of training mastery.

If you are doing that then you are indeed moving towards mastery as a trainer. There are some exceptional trainers out in the world – only a few will be able to consciously tell you what they do and know how they do what they do. Therefore the place to start is for you to know that training is about being aware, being purposeful and deliberate, in all that you do.

Consider seriously the following questions:

• Do you know what you do when presenting?


• Are you able to monitor multiple things in succession while training? i.e. audience acceptance; resistance; room temperature; the time remaining; the next topic and supporting music…?
  
  Are you purposeful in all you do or do you do whatever comes to mind? (adlib)
  
• Can you present the topic when you’re slideshow fails or your manuals don’t arrive?
  





• Do you wonder where you are going next in your training?
  
• Are you able to asses what you are saying as you are saying it?
  
• 
  
  Do you get lost at times and ask the group – “now where were we?”
  
  
• Do you find your own trainings boring and blame the content?
  
  Do you know how to start the training?


• Do you know how you will finish the training?


• Do you go "blank" when asked a question fromthe audience?


• Do you get flustered when things aren't going the way you expected them to go?


• Do you believe that mastery is all about “winging it!” and being able to ad-lib?
  
  Do you know the reaction that the listener is having, to what you are saying?
• Do you wonder at times how things turned out so well?


• Do you wonder what went wrong and how did it get that way?


• Do you know how you will break them into groups and call them back?
  
  Do you know how to deal with resistance in the group?
• Do you know what your hands are doing as you talk?
  
• Are you aware of whether you sway from side to side or scratch your crotch as you click through your power point slides?
  
  So your first task, to enable you to be masterful as a trainer, is for you to become increasingly aware of what you do. No, not as you’re doing it, but prior to you doing it! Thinking and doing at the same time is not the best approach when training. And certainly is not a hall-mark of a master trainer. First think and then do. (that's a good start for now)

Plan out what you will do in your presentation. Mentally rehearse how you will present your material and how you will address some or all of the bulleted points I’ve listed above. Add your own points of need for you to have greater awareness and therefore continous improvement in how you deliver your content.

Become aware, before your delivery, of what you will be doing and how you will be doing it and (Wake up and pay attention now!) … what affect you have and how that is effecting the learner's ability to learn.

Many trainers (read this description carefully) know what they do and do what they know - yet do not know what they do, does to the learner!!! Read my description of mastery again and again. Make plans for you to become more aware of what you do and the impact that your behaviour has on those you are presenting to. This is a must have component to be masterful as a trainer or in any other context. Practice being mindful of what you are doing.

Summary:
My final description (in case you didn't get it this late in the article) of training mastery is:

”Knowing what you do and doing what you know, while knowing what you do, is doing to the learner”.

Did you get that? That means training is about applying to self 1st. It’s about consciously being aware. It’s about being purposeful and it’s about knowing knowing cause & effect in the training room. A masterful trainer would never be happy with just the delivery of the content alone (many are though!). No, they want to know that what they did, got through to the learner (for some this is bloody revolutionary, to think they should actually take an interest whether the learner got it!!!).

Apply this principle to what you’re currently doing in your training rooms or presentations and make the appropriate adjustments if necessary. By doing so,the positive results you gain in your trainings will increase.

All of the exceptional trainers I have met, have a burning desire to make a difference with those they present to. They fulfil this by being aware of what they are doing and use exceptional techniques when the present, which I will share with you in this series on Mastery. (check out the blog archive section for more on Mastery)

Initial 1st Steps
So... this is where I want you to begin – to become increasingly more aware and therefore mindful of what you do as a trainer. (Or coach, teacher, adult educator, presenter)

Pictures: Are of actual trainings I and Lena have delivered in order of appearance are:

Auckland - 14 day Neuro Semantic Trainers Training

Sweden - 3 day Self-leadership

Civil Aviation Trainers in the South Island of NZ - http://www.ignition.org.nz/

The Covert Pessimist

Look for the silver lining inside every dark cloud, always look on the bright side, find something positive in every bad situation or say to yourself "...there are less fortunate people on the planet than me" and finally - "...always look on the bright side of life!"

I'm sure you've heard these statements or similar, once or twice before. Said by people who are promoting the importance of looking on the brighter side of life, when the chips are done or when life turns to custard. Some of us also know it by the question "Is the glass half full or half empty? (depends if your thirsty or not!) For those of us on the street we'd know the attitude in these examples as having a positive or negative attitude. For those involved in personality typing they're likely to call it optimism or pessimism. Either way it's all about how you interpret a situation you are faced with throughout your day.

I think there's plenty that's been said about optimism. You can read Dr. Martin Seligman's book called Learned Optimism and his other writings on the subject and optimism's well documented relationship with benefits for both our mental and physical wellness.

So... that's not what this article is about.

Entrenched Pessimissim

What I think that's needed (critical) is a more detailed understanding of how pessimism is so firmly entrenched in the very fabric of our being, that we do not recognise what we do and say, and is in fact, a constant pessimistic approach people have in general to the situations we face on a daily basis.

We can be so blinded by how we respond, to the point that we do not link our responses to having a pessimistic undertone. Usually because the mindset of pessimism is blended with other frames of mind like caring, protectiveness, achievement, love, clarity, trustworthiness etc.. and it is these frames that we are more conscious of and not the over arching driving frame of pessimism.

Let me explain by giving you 3 examples:

• Your staff call while you are out of the office. You recognise the caller ID. You answer the phone by saying "Hi. What's wrong?" (You care about your business and the staff and assume that something is wrong when there has been no reference to there being a problem)

• You have an upcoming exam that is very important for your advancement. You say to a friend " I'm so very nervous, I want to pass but it's going to be a tough exam." (You want to be successful in the upcoming exam yet frame the exam as being "tough")

• You want to go fishing with the kids in the morning. You say to the kids "It had better be fine tomorrow or it'll be just terrible!" (You want the fishing trip to be a success and the kids to enjoy the day and predict that it will be terrible if the weather is not fine)

Hidden within each of these statements you'll find the fragments of a pessimistic attitude. This is all too common when you set your mind to listen for it. At times it may even appear on the surface to be an optimistic approach, but it is not. Have another read over the statements above. Some are more obvious than others - are they not?

Pessimism, as I am defining it, is found in more than the balatant and typical situations of whether something is either good or bad, easy or hard, or whether you can or can't do something. It permeates other responses like:

• Regularly fault finding in what others say & do


• Negatively escalating a situation (Mountain out of a mole-hill stuff)


• Creating worst case scenarios that you are convinced are real


• Being suspicious of other people, unnecessarily


• Being fearful of situations that you've not experienced before


• Creating future situations that have negative outcomes


• Being overly protective of another person or project


• Doubting what others say to you


• Finding the exception to a situation that is positive or hopeful


• Responding with an opposite response to the point of view being offered

The list I've made is not comprehensive. It's not meant to be. I hope that it gives you an idea of how to recognise a pessimistic response when you next make one or hear one from others.

I'm not saying that a person who positively explores a worst case scenario is being pessimistic. What I am saying is, it is a common pattern of response that you make when presented with a situation. Do you default to a worst case scenario and then escalate it too an even worse case scenario etc...?

Know It & Eliminate It

What I'm wanting you to do, is be more aware of how you respond.

• Do you think of people as being untrustworthy, unreliable?


• Do you think of people as being put to get you or see the worst in people?


• Do you jump to conclusions about people that are actually unfounded but certain in your own mind.


• Do you see the worst in people?


• Do you find that you start more arguments with others, than they do with you?


• Do you doubt what people say more often than not?


• Do you feel insecure and inadequate?

Reading over these bulleted points, it could be easy for some readers to say "Hey, that's not a pessimistic attitude you've described there!" And, that is what I am talking about.

When I listen to a client while I am in coaching or training I often hear, what at first glance, appears not to be a pessimistic attitude. BUT - in my opinion, pessimism is found to be the over-arching theme that is present in what they are saying. Yes, they may say it's more about being safe, sensitive to who you can or can not trust and about not being gullible and getting sucked in by others etc... However - it is still NOT about having an optimistic view of the world and those around us!

I'm not saying that evaluating worst case scenarios is being pessimistic, quite the contrary. Positively analyse worst case scenario's and come up with solutions to them and implement them to mitigate the risks. That's an excellent approach. Burying yourself in worst case scenario's and escalating them to the tenth-degree as a negative, and in my mind, is not acceptable optimistic view.

There are plenty of reasons why we need to be aware of how our pessimistic attitude oozes out in all we do. From whether we can arrive at the office on time while being stuck in traffic or whether the person you love is telling the truth to you or not. Whether the fare the taxi driver is charging you is reasonable or the reason why your staff have not completed their time sheets on time is true. We are faced with situations daily and we have the choice whether we interpret each and every situation as being a positive or a negative.

How do you interpret frequent situations you are faced with? Even better, how do you interpret rare and infrequent situations? Do you implode or explode, as a direct result of what has happened? Do you find the possibility immediately or the impossibility?

A Lesson Worth Learning

This has to be one of life's simplest lessons. That you have 1 of 2 choices when faced with all situations. You have the choice when you listen, see and observe a situation to interpret it optimistically or pessimistically. You can always choose to find the good in what was said or the bad in what was said to you. In my opinion, no matter how you try to justify your negative attitude, it is still a negative attitude and therefore a pessimistic one.

Listen to how you respond - could you have chosen a more optimistic view at the time, no matter how bad it may have 1st appeared? Pessimism is more prevalent on our planet than optimism, is what I have found to be true. It seems to me that it is always easier to be pessimistic than it is to be optimistic about life's challenges. I'm not exactly sure why - perhaps it's the human condition at play, I'm not sure.

What I am sure about is, that we need to be more aware of how pessimism has seeped into our lives hidden in responses that we justify as being anything else other than - pessimism. Perhaps it's done to hold tentatively onto what we may think is an optimistic attitude, not comfortable to admit that we are in fact, more often pessimistic than we are optimistic!

Stress the Not So Silent Killer

I want to apologise for being a bit slow on writing this, my 1st blog for August. It's the 11th August and I haven't posted a blog to date, I'm sorry about that and plan on getting back up to speed straight away. So here goes...

What would you die for?

Your children? Your lover? Your Career? Your cat or dog? An attempt to break a world record? To save your house from burning down? Your car? To preserve your reputation?

What would you die for?

If your like most people, you wouldn't have likley, ever asked, such a question of yourself. Few people are ever put in a life or death situation and have had to decide whether they should do something which would risk their life.

The scenario I've been wanting you to consider is more the extreme end of deciding whether you live or die, yet there are daily pressures we put on ourselves, which over time, can indeed - kill us.

Stress Scale
A study of 5,000 people was undertaken to determine the level of stress people experience in 43 activities. The activities listed are ones we are faced with during the course of our lives. They retrospectively assesed their percieved level of stress of each of them and the top 14 activities I've listed below along with the score allocated to each of them. This list of stressors is known as the Holmes-Rahe Social Readjustment Rating Scale:

(They are prioritised as being the most stressful to the least stressful to deal with).

1. Death of a Spouse - 100


2. Divorce - 73


3. Marital Separation - 65


4. Imprisonment - 63


5. Death of a Family Member - 63


6. Personal Injury or Illness - 53


7. Marriage - 50


8. Fired from Your Job - 47


9. Marital Reconciliation - 45


10. Retirement - 45


11. Change in Health of a Family Member - 44


12. Pregnancy - 40


13. Sexual Difficulties - 39


14. Gain a New Family Member - 39

The researchers, Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe suggest that a score of 300 or more is a strong indicator that your stress levels are too high and will have a negative impact on your health and well being. They also suggest, that a score of 150 or less means you have relatively low stress levels.

A closer look brings some interesting perspectives. How about Divorce which scored as number 2 and scored 73 points. Have you ever heard of people holding a "Happy Divorce Party"? That's right they are holding a party, celebrating that they just got divorced! How about including marital separation too? Another happy, amiable seperation! Then there are those that go to prison (#4 - 63 points) who are pleased they'll now have a roof over their head and 3 meals a day.

What I'm getting at here is stressors, are unique to each of us. What seriously stresses one person out i.e. under ground caving by 1 person vs claustrophobia experienced by another while caving. One persons joy can be anothers horror. Stress is as individual as you are.

We've all observed people getting seriously stressed out over something and stood wondering how the hell does that small thing cause so much stress! (or am I the only one who has seen this happen?). When this happens, you'll find often that the stressed person is quite vocal about what it is that stresses them out - thus the title: Stress, the NOT so silent killer.

I'm sure I'm not the only one that has worried themself sick at some stage in their life, over something. I've found myself in the past, staying awake late at night, unable to get to sleep and forgotten what I was doing, while supposedly at work during the day. My unique stressors occuping all my thoughts and draining me emotionally as each dragging minute passes by. Loss of focus, energy and at times, losing the will to go on with life. This is no joke and sadly many can be so stressed that they take their own lives or the lives of others (not good!).

I read recently that 3 people here in NZ had committed suicide because their homes had been completely ruined due to damp rot. The house had been constructed with non treated timber and as a result was rotten and unable to be repaired, so the house was worthless! I didn't see loss of your home scoring high in the Holmes-Rahe scale, yet people have taken their lives due to the complete loss of the value of their home.

Useful Stress Tips

Knowing that stress is a unique experience it'll be a good thing for you to know what you can do to minimise it. In my coaching I often come face to face with clients who are emotionally drained and stressed due to either a clash with work collegues or at home in their personal lives. It definitely can be like unravelling a badly tangled fishing line, yet well worth it in the long run.

Here are 7 effective strategies (there are many more) you can use to lower the intensity of those things that are stressing you out:

ONE:

Write a full description (leave nothing out) of what it is exactly that is causing the stress. Include your own attitude towards the stressors as well as all of the external factors. Ask yourself "Is this really as bad as it seemed, now that I have written it out?" It's likley that you now see it for what it is (pseudo stressor) and are better able to deal with it. If so, deal with and move onto more difficult things than what was previously stressing you out. We too easily make mountains out of mole hills!

TWO:

Identify if the stress is either in the past or future. If the stress experience is in the past understand that you can not turn the clock back and change what has happened. What is done - is done! Decide what you can do today about how you will think differently about what has happened to you in the past. What happened can not change - how you think about it can.

How would you like to think about things that empowers you while also allowing you to positively learn from what happened? Should it ever happen again in the near future, how will you deal with it differently? Celebrate your learnings and focus on the present and plan for the future.

If the stressor is in the future. What the hell are you doing? It hasn't happened and you want it to be awful and that is why you are thinking terribly, to the degree that you are stressed the hell-out about something that hasn't even happened and is highly likely - not to!

Decide what the problem is that you are faced with in the near future and make an effective plan to minimise the problems that you forsee in the future. Focus on what you can do and mentally rehearse a positive outcome. That approach is way better than traumatising yourself unduly and then focus on what you need to do in the present to make the future materialise the way you want it.

THREE:

Rate the level of stress that you are currently experiencing from 1-100 (1 being very low). Decide, by writing a list, what must be done to cut it by 50%. Prioritise the list and focus on the 1 thing that will make the biggest difference immediately. Ensure that what you need to do to lower it is within your own personal power and is not reliant on other people changing 1st. Make an immediate action plan on how and when you will undertake and complete the required actions that will significantly lower the stress.

FOUR:

Make a list of activities that you can do that make you happy. They are to be activities that do not include spending money, alcohol, drugs or another person. Once you have the list (preferably 12 or more activities) work at creating a situation where you are able to string together 3 or 4 of these activities back to back.

FIVE:

Write a daily list of what you are grateful for. This is an attitude of gratitude journalling. Do it daily and do it 2-3 times per day. If you find it hard initialy, that's ok. DO it any way and write down the smallest of things that you are grateful for. Become mindful of being ever more grateful as the days and weeks progress. At the end of each week re-read what you had written for that week and entertain the idea of how good it is to be greatful for both small and big things. The attitude you gain from doiung this exercise will make dealing with any stress, easier.

SIX:

Imagine that you were the creator of all the Universe. Journey in your mind out into the universe and look back on our beautiful planet, from a distance. Think of how long the planet has been delicately balanced in space for millions of years. Think also of the time that it has been here and how long you have been living on planet earth. Imagine the many years you have yet to live and the many thiings that you have yet to do. The things you know you want to do and the numerous things you'll do that you don't even know now! When you think of the length of time that has been and has yet to be. How small does the stress in your life take up when you compare it to the larger time line of the planet and you life so far? Knowing that... what do you need to do to lower the stress in your life? Make a list. Go and action that list immediately.

SEVEN:

Spend time with those people who care for you deeply. Eat, walk, talk and share with them. Remember how loved you are and those who love you now and those have loved you in the past. Draw strength from them. How would they want you to respond to the stress in your life? What advice would they give you knowing they have only empowering and uplifting advice for you? Make a list and action that now.

Well - coaches, trainers, manager, friends... there you go. You now have 7 strategies on how to minimise your stress levels or 7 techniwues you can use in coaching a client. Remember, if you have stress in your life you'll continue to have stress if you do not do something about eliminating it or minimising it, so do something about it immediately.

Life is too short to waste time on unnecessary stress.

Give Your All & Nothing Less!

This blog is a follow on from the one I wrote earlier titled "The Need for Obsession". I hope you continue to be challenged by what is in my opinion, the effort that is required of you if you want to be exceptional and master what you have chosen to do with your life.




Still Doubting?

Is there any doubt that it is possible to achieve maximum results without giving maximum effort?

Is it possible to achieve all time greatness and do it by applying yourself in a mere average casual manner?

Surely it is true that a champion performance will require a champion build up and a long list of champion sacrifices. Show me where it says that success comes easily. Show me someone who has attained their all time best performances on a global scale, and committed only partially to their own success. Where does hard work, dedication, sacrifice and long hours of applying oneself to the fulfillment of a life long dream NOT ask of you - your all? Asks of you your every fibre of being, every drop of blood stained sweat and demand fully of you, your precious time and your money.

For those who seek out the dizzying heights of Olympian success in business, sport or adventure. They know that they can not withhold a mere minute from being cast onto the fires that rage within them, to succeed at the elite level. It was Vince Lombardi that said, "...those who think winning isn't important, have never won anything." And what I say is "...those who think that you can lead a well balanced life and achieve maximum results. Results that define you as a person who is in the elite category of your chosen pursuit. And at the same time, be able to lead a well balanced life. Are clearly unaware, of what it takes to achieve maximum results at the highest level".

They Don't Wanna Know

The average Joe on the street doesn't want to know that the gold medalist has lost his home, health, wife and children to represent his country. They don't want to know that the property investor has spent tireless hours studying, negotiating and searching for the best investment deals and has had to bounce back from many losses before she made tose millions as a real estate broker.

The average Joe wont accept the true cost of success. The deep need to be obsessive and excessive to achieve the exceptional results we hear about in the media. It's far too easy for them to attribute this level of success to God-given talent, excellent parenting and genetics or a stroke of good luck. Rather than consider these people have worked tirelessly and have understanding and supportive loved ones who were there, every step of the way, long before success ever came knocking at their door.

The majority of the public only want to know the success stories and believe it was an over night success sensation. Without any mention of the long tireless hours of practice, the sore muscles and early mornings followed by late nights with many setbacks they've experienced. They want to believe that it is possible to lead a balanced life and achieve at the highest level. This is as far from the truth, as the lie that the moon is made of cheese and geese lay golden eggs!





A Universal Law
The universe has a law known as cause and effect. A broader description goes something like this and can not be avoided - your success in life will always "equal" the exact level of effort and time you commit to practicing and developing your talent. Read and re-read it till you get it, and get it good. There are no short cuts, there are no overnight successes and there is no free lunch!

I'm not talking about those who rise to the level of being above average, nor am I talking about those who have success on a local or regional scale. I am talking about those few who have left their mark on the profession they specialise in as an outlier for all to see, a benchmark of achievement that few, if any, will ever attain again.

The annuls of history hosts many of these excessive and obsessive elite men and woman spread across a broad spectrum of professions:

Ronald Trump, Barack Obama, Mother Theresa, Micheal Jordan, Michael Jackson, Howard Hughes, Tiger Woods Cassius Clay, Venus & Sarena Williams, Bob Charles, Michael Campbell, The Beatles, Bill Gates, Mozart, Beethoven, Sugar Ray Leonard, George Foreman, Sonny Liston, Lance Armstrong, Valerie Villi, Dame Susan Devoy, Michael Phelps, Buck Shelford, Colin Meads, Whitney Houston, Dame Kiri Te Kanawa, Sir Howard Morrision, Roz Savage, John Key, Helen Clark...

Does your name deserve to be their?

Many, many names are missing. One thing they all have in common is they each have applied themselves totally to their chosen path and achieved an equal measure of success relative to the effort and time they contributed. This will never change.

Show Me The Easy Way
There is no short cut. Give a little receive a little. Give a lot receive a lot. It's as simple as that. Whether it is to achieve in education, health & fitness, martial arts, business and sales, coaching, training, presnting, politics, investments, marriage etc... the universal law of maximum effort births maximum results can not be ignored or avoided.

Try to cut corners and lead a balanced life where your time and effort is equally spread over the week and you will find that you'll achieve a well balanced level of success (which may be what you want) BUT never will you be a person who leads the field on a global basis.

If only it was as easy as leading a balanced life. If only we could run an accounting formula that gave equal portions of: time, effort, focus, commitment, discipline to each of lifes necessities and be assured of elite level success. If it was that easy we would all be standing on our own mountains. Instead we are left in amazement at the champion who stands atop of the highest summit of the mountain known as success. We applaude those few who have conquered it and we comfort ourselves by thinking that, that level of success is absolutely possible by maintaining an effective work-life balance and by avoiding any excess or obsession!

The exact same type of thinking leads people to believe that rabbits pop out of hats and alien abductions are a regular occurence.

Important Footnote:

My definition of work-life balance:

Where an equal spread of both time and effort is evenly distibuted amongst the daily demands that the typical home has i.e. work, family, freinds, children, work, rest, play, sleep, houshold chores, bathing, paying the bills, education and birthday parties etc...

It's not about the quality of time you spend with activities or people outside of your passion (although this is important), it is about the equal distribution of time and effort over a 24 hour period, 7 days a wee,k 52 weeks a year. (Quality time away from your passion is important though, when you can squeeze it in that is!)

That's what work-life balance is meant to be - and it isn't found anywhere in the lives of elite success magnets!

A Good Dose of Hatred Will Fix It!

There's no shortage of it, is there? Hatred that is.

In our modern times there are so few, who really hate. There are a lot of pretenders out there who hate a little for a short period of time but it's rare for me to find someone, or a group of people, who can really hate, with any real intensity. When you do come across a person who is at least half descent at hating, it's amazing what they can do and how quickly and how long they can maintain their drive, direction and determination. Awesome to watch!

We have acts of hatred beamed into our living room and onto our plasma TV's, at family prime time viewing. We have acts of hatred, bold typed on the front page our daily national newspaper, for all to read. We have acts of hatred posted on website after website, for all to log onto if they so desire.

There are infamous and unforgettable acts of hatred throughout our history. Acts that have left their own carbon imprint for all future generations to see and hear, of the atrocities and unmentionable acts, fuelled by people driven by hatred. There is no shortage of hate crimes and increadible in-humane acts of violence, torture thrust onto innocent people from continent to continent.

I'd like you now, to consider a different view and the use of hate. One that I have found to be a very powerful use of it in both coaching & training, of this all too often, mis-represented emotion.

A Young Lesson

I remember my grandmother saying to me as a young man, not to say I hated someone and reminded me that hate is a "strong" word. It's rare for a word to be classified as being "strong". In fact I've never heard of a word spoken of in such away, yet I've heard parents say the same thing that was said to me, to their children "... don't say hate. Hate is a strong word and you don't mean - hate. You mean you dislike it".

For those of us who understand the technique used in that sentence it's called reframing. Taking the raw meaning of hate and changing it, by reframing it to mean something else. In this case de-escalating the meaning to "disliking".

• What if hate was able to empower us to deliver consistent acts of kindness?


• What if deep hatred, rightly placed, was used to change the world positively?


• Is there another side to hatred, that we are overlooking?

I was approached by a national rugby team and asked if I could help them turn their losing streak around. After asking a number of questions of what was happening, I soon found out that there was no difference in the atmosphere in the changing rooms between when they lost a game or when they won! The short version of what I recommended was that the team would win more when they - hated losing and hated it so much ,that winning was the only option for them? The coaching and management staff made the necessary changes we discussed, to ensure the team learnt to hate losing and they broke the losing streak they were having.

One sure thing that I know personally and is often found in a sporting context, is that winners "hate" to lose. And it motivates them powerfully. Have you ever thought of how important hate is, to drive you positively? I know that personally my hatred of losing in my former professional sporting career and in my business life, powerfully drives me to succeed.

How about you?

Put Hate In Its Rightful Place

When you really hate consistently coming 2nd, you'll begin to take 1st place more often.

When you realise that losing sucks and it hurts you deeply when you lose - you will do what it takes to win and win more often? But only if you hate losing enough.

• When you hate the poverty in your town - what will that drive you to do about it?


• When you hate injustice what will you then do about it?
• When you hate failing will you then succeed more often?


• When you hate prejudice enough, what will that do for you?


• When you hate the extra weight you have been carrying around your belly, will you then make the necessary changes to your diet and activity levels?


• When you hate having no money and constantly broke before your next pay day, what could that do for you?


• When you hate the place you work enough, what will you do about handing your notice in and finishing that horrid job?

Do you understand the real strength in the word hate and the powerful emotional labels that accompany it. When you do realise its powerful uses you will begin to tap into a very useful resource for those of you who coach, mentor, train or lead others? (and yourself).

The use of hate and all the meanings and emotions that accompany it, when focused positively, can make a powerful difference in your life. Sadly, many have to dive into the very depths of hatred, about what it is that they believe to be unfair and injustice, before they will take action and do something about it. For some I meet, they wont change until they actually hate the situation they are in, and then, finally, they'll take action and make the change needed.

In my opinion and from personal experience, hate has an important part to play in motivation, direction, intention, purpose and success, for those we coach and train.

A strong word hate? YES - it is in deed, a very strong word. A word that has had too much of a bad rap and needs to be seen for the power it has in making a positive difference in generating change. For some, hate is the much needed catalyst they have been looking for to make and sustain the long term change the need.

Use it wisely, use it sparingly, but use it all the same and give yourself permission to use it when you must. And hate will deliver the results you've been wanting.

Important Footnote:

For those of you with an NLP or Neuro Semantic background, you will realise the importance and potential hate has in driving change byway of meta-programs. If your also familiar with the NS model of Meta-States you'll know that to use hate, it must be textured appropriately to create a gestalt that is positively loaded with the right meanings for the desired outcome.

There will also be coaches and trainers who are so "wired" (you'll know who you are) for generating change through "...love, hope and inspiration etc..." that they will literally be robbing their clients of the potential hate has in facilitating sustainable change for some of their clients.