A Good Dose of Hatred Will Fix It!

There's no shortage of it, is there? Hatred that is.

In our modern times there are so few, who really hate. There are a lot of pretenders out there who hate a little for a short period of time but it's rare for me to find someone, or a group of people, who can really hate, with any real intensity. When you do come across a person who is at least half descent at hating, it's amazing what they can do and how quickly and how long they can maintain their drive, direction and determination. Awesome to watch!

We have acts of hatred beamed into our living room and onto our plasma TV's, at family prime time viewing. We have acts of hatred, bold typed on the front page our daily national newspaper, for all to read. We have acts of hatred posted on website after website, for all to log onto if they so desire.

There are infamous and unforgettable acts of hatred throughout our history. Acts that have left their own carbon imprint for all future generations to see and hear, of the atrocities and unmentionable acts, fuelled by people driven by hatred. There is no shortage of hate crimes and increadible in-humane acts of violence, torture thrust onto innocent people from continent to continent.

I'd like you now, to consider a different view and the use of hate. One that I have found to be a very powerful use of it in both coaching & training, of this all too often, mis-represented emotion.

A Young Lesson

I remember my grandmother saying to me as a young man, not to say I hated someone and reminded me that hate is a "strong" word. It's rare for a word to be classified as being "strong". In fact I've never heard of a word spoken of in such away, yet I've heard parents say the same thing that was said to me, to their children "... don't say hate. Hate is a strong word and you don't mean - hate. You mean you dislike it".

For those of us who understand the technique used in that sentence it's called reframing. Taking the raw meaning of hate and changing it, by reframing it to mean something else. In this case de-escalating the meaning to "disliking".

• What if hate was able to empower us to deliver consistent acts of kindness?


• What if deep hatred, rightly placed, was used to change the world positively?


• Is there another side to hatred, that we are overlooking?

I was approached by a national rugby team and asked if I could help them turn their losing streak around. After asking a number of questions of what was happening, I soon found out that there was no difference in the atmosphere in the changing rooms between when they lost a game or when they won! The short version of what I recommended was that the team would win more when they - hated losing and hated it so much ,that winning was the only option for them? The coaching and management staff made the necessary changes we discussed, to ensure the team learnt to hate losing and they broke the losing streak they were having.

One sure thing that I know personally and is often found in a sporting context, is that winners "hate" to lose. And it motivates them powerfully. Have you ever thought of how important hate is, to drive you positively? I know that personally my hatred of losing in my former professional sporting career and in my business life, powerfully drives me to succeed.

How about you?

Put Hate In Its Rightful Place

When you really hate consistently coming 2nd, you'll begin to take 1st place more often.

When you realise that losing sucks and it hurts you deeply when you lose - you will do what it takes to win and win more often? But only if you hate losing enough.

• When you hate the poverty in your town - what will that drive you to do about it?


• When you hate injustice what will you then do about it?
• When you hate failing will you then succeed more often?


• When you hate prejudice enough, what will that do for you?


• When you hate the extra weight you have been carrying around your belly, will you then make the necessary changes to your diet and activity levels?


• When you hate having no money and constantly broke before your next pay day, what could that do for you?


• When you hate the place you work enough, what will you do about handing your notice in and finishing that horrid job?

Do you understand the real strength in the word hate and the powerful emotional labels that accompany it. When you do realise its powerful uses you will begin to tap into a very useful resource for those of you who coach, mentor, train or lead others? (and yourself).

The use of hate and all the meanings and emotions that accompany it, when focused positively, can make a powerful difference in your life. Sadly, many have to dive into the very depths of hatred, about what it is that they believe to be unfair and injustice, before they will take action and do something about it. For some I meet, they wont change until they actually hate the situation they are in, and then, finally, they'll take action and make the change needed.

In my opinion and from personal experience, hate has an important part to play in motivation, direction, intention, purpose and success, for those we coach and train.

A strong word hate? YES - it is in deed, a very strong word. A word that has had too much of a bad rap and needs to be seen for the power it has in making a positive difference in generating change. For some, hate is the much needed catalyst they have been looking for to make and sustain the long term change the need.

Use it wisely, use it sparingly, but use it all the same and give yourself permission to use it when you must. And hate will deliver the results you've been wanting.

Important Footnote:

For those of you with an NLP or Neuro Semantic background, you will realise the importance and potential hate has in driving change byway of meta-programs. If your also familiar with the NS model of Meta-States you'll know that to use hate, it must be textured appropriately to create a gestalt that is positively loaded with the right meanings for the desired outcome.

There will also be coaches and trainers who are so "wired" (you'll know who you are) for generating change through "...love, hope and inspiration etc..." that they will literally be robbing their clients of the potential hate has in facilitating sustainable change for some of their clients.