If NOT You Then Who?

Give these questions some though for a moment:

• Would you like people to notice the work you've been doing?


• Would you like people to think of you when they need a person with your skills and knowledge?


• Would you like to gain that promotion or advance your career?

If so then read on...

We have a cultural leaning away form any form of self promotion. That it is wrong to "...put the wind in your own sails". Here in New Zealand we are advised to "...let you efforts speak for themselves". By doing so, apparently you will be recognised by your works and gain promotion and recognition over time!

Here's a question for you... "Is your career important to you?"

My guess is you answered "Yes!" to that question. My reply to you then, is this:

"If it is so important to you. Why do you leave it to chance or other people to determine whether your efforts are recognised or not?"

Have you noticed how it is often easier for you to speak well of others and not yourself? Have you also noticed how famous people have image consultants, event managers and promotional experts working for them? And more importantly have you noticed that these famous people will also promote themselves and their accomplishments to the right people? That's right - they are capable of promoting themselves directly to others. In fact, often that is how they 1st started out. By knocking on doors and telling those who needed to hear how good they are. They did this on their way to becoming a world wide sensation. If you don't believe me then listen to some of the foundational speaches of Barak Obama's pursuit of the US Presidency, as an example of successful self promotion.

It's Not My Style

It's likely that you will initially struggle with this concept. That self promotion is not only important for your career's success, it is critical. I'm not talking about bragging to any and every one. I'm not talking about false declarations and nor am I talking about you pumping up your worth by being conceited while putting others down.

No! - What I am talking about is strategically positioned and well timed self promotional statements that promote your abilities and accomplishments in such away, that people become aware of what it is your doing and achieving.

If you're not going to do this and do this well - then who? Will you diligently work away at your job and leave it to others to "hopefully" recognise your efforts - or NOT?

Begin NOW

The need for you to be able to say positive statements about yourself and your abilities is integral in contributing to your success. (Think back to your last job interview). Self promotion is not about you braging, being a blow arse or a show-off! It's about you knowing who needs to know about you. It's about finding the appropriate way that you will let them know that you exist and are making a difference.

This will require you to learn how to do this and do this well.

Begin by making a list of who you are. Include in your list the personality qualities that you have i.e. motivation, diligence, collaboration, stick-ability etc... and format a short 15 second presentation that you can say confidently to others. In addition to this write one down about your success either at work or at home and in your personal life. Make this presentation as breif as a few seconds and as long as 20 seconds. Practice it and get good at being able to speak well of yourself. This will not only be good for opportunities that lend themselves to self-promotion but also for you to gain increased confidence in being able to speak well of yourself.

Once you've done that you'll need to be aware of opportunites that arise where you can speak well of yourself. It could be as brief as standing with a senior managersof yours in an elevator and letting them know that you are making excellent gains on a project they initiated (even if you haven't met them before) or it could be at a business dinner where you have an opportunity to explain the progress you are making with your team, budget, planning, intervention etc... Less is always better than too much. And to not do this is worst of all.

For now - this will be enough for you to make a start on your self promotion campaign. Practice it often and then look for opportunities to speak positively of yourself to those people that need to know.

Passion Plus Talent

Talent will get you noticed, passion will ensure you maximise your talents.

Have you got lots of talent and no passion?

Well there's a massive human talent pile, stacked higher than high with men and woman, boys and girls since the beginning of time who have no shortage of talent. Each and every talent they had was allowed to fade & fizzle away, because they had no passion to apply themselves and realise the talent they had been endowed with from birth. Give me a person with minimal talent, yet full of fired up passion - any day!

Talent will get you noticed and provide you with pride of place at the start line. It'll be passion though, that ensures you cross the finish line in 1st place. Not talent.

I don't think any of you will argue that passion supersedes talent. Over my many years as a Gym instructor and then a multiple gym owner I have seen many with what is called, natural born talent. Genetically, they have the total package, yet they lack the enduring drive to succeed that only passion can provide.

How's your level of passion for what you do? Take away passion and you'll have a job and not a life long conviction. Take away passion and you will be going through the motions longing for what you don't have. Time slows down, the body aches and you wish you were paid far more than you are to compensate for the day to day drudgery you endure.

When speaking with long term unemployed I would often use the statement - "Find a job you love and you will never spend another day going to work". It's likely you have heard the quote before, yet it describes the basis of a successful and fulfilling career.

Passion changes your perspective for what you do. It fuels the fire within you to endure hardships, unfair setbacks, and is found at the very core of all human resilience. Now, take that initial quote I said before and extend it even further:

"Find a job you are absolutely passionate about. One that you would do even if you were not paid to do it. Get really good at it and people will ultimately pay you handsomely for it"

Is it this that over arches all human success? Is it this that separates the "could-haves" from the "haves"? Is it this that determines the height of our success and the depths of our failings?

Show me a successful businessman, a world champion, a school graduate who passes with honors and you will find a level of personal passion in each one of them. The varying degrees of passion within them will determine their long term level of success, or not.

What are you passionate about? What turns your lights on? What fires you up or gets your wheels spinning? What? Does anything come to mind? If you had financial security and all your usual considerations and commitments have been taken care of. What would you want to do for a career? Think about it. What would you do?

Once you have answered that question. Apply yourself whole heartily to the pursuit and fulfillment of it. Let nothing hold you back. You will set all obstacles aside and nothing will stop you from succeeding. You will toil day in and day out. Others go to work and you are living your dream.

Life will ask of you to commit every fibre of your being to your passion, yet you will do so gladly. For that is what passion does, for those who find their true north in life and live out their passion. Whether it is in a career, sport, hobbie or study. Find your passion and live it. And your life will change before you.

"It's not what catches your eye as you journey through life, it is what touches your heart".

Picture: The logo at the top is of David Tua. He fights this saturday against Shane Cameron
- "Go the Tua-man!"

Goal Setting Success

Following my last Blog, I thought I'd write you some important stages in coaching a person to formulating a goal and ensure all the parts are present. I'm assuming that you will apply the tips I gave you in the previous blog. I find the popular S.M.A.R.T. formula of goal setting rather tedious and present in this and my previous blog another alternative.

I encourage you to take the 10 goal setting tips I wrote earlier and use this framework to attach those previous important points to and as a result further increase the possibility of you achieving what you want.

GOAL SETTING

Stage 1): KNOW WHAT YOU WANT

I'm going to break this 1st stage down to it's smaller components so you can be more specific in getting this 1st important step right.

You need to KNOW what you want. That is, you are to have the "know-ledge" of what you want. If you do not know what you want, then allow yourself to dream, imagine or consider what it is that you want for your life. There is a real need (in my humble opinion) to know that life without a goal to pursue is a life that is not being self-actualised. I'm not going to fully justify why I am saying that. I will say in brief, that I'm wanting you to know that the pursuit of a goal, whatever it is, brings a greater level of meaning and satisfaction to your life, rather than for you to vegetate and surrender to doing nothing with your life on a regular, long term basis (for some this is a full time occupation).

A personal goal will give you a sense of direction and purpose. A goal-less life, is a life that has less meaning and less purpose. I hope that is enough for you to consider setting yourself a goal. And doing it quickly. Be it a short-term or long-term goal, but a goal all the same. You may want to start with something small and build up to setting larger and more bodacious goals as you grow in confidence in goal achieving.

You need to know what you want. It's important that YOU want it. The first stage that's needed for you, is that what you want, MUST be something that YOU and YOU alone - want! It is not to be something that you want, because he or she (Mum or Dad) wants you to have it as a goal. The focus that I am wanting you to have at this stage is that you are pursuing your goal because YOU want it.

Lastly - Whatever it is that you know you want. You must WANT it. You will achieve it if you want it enough. It's the want that will drive you forward and break through any and all setbacks. When you want it and want it with every cell of your mind and body you will have it.

Too often we say we want something and it is not a WANT it's only a WISH! Do you want it? Does it fill your being with desire to posses it? When you want at this level you will achieve it you will get what you want. The main thing that stops you from having what you want is not the knowing of what you want -it is the lack of wanting. To want it more and more ask yourself the question why? Why do you want it? Why else do you want it and ask this question some 7-12 times and make a list and quickly become embroiled in the 3-5 main reasons why you want it and be conscious of it throughout your day. Increase your initial desire for what you want by being mindful of the WHY that drives you to want to achieve your goal.

Stage 2): TAKE ACTION

Once you know what you want it's time to do something about it. Not just anything but a planned and strategic approach to specific, practical steps that lead you towards what you want. (read that sentence again and again till you get it).

Here are some questions that you will need to answer, so that you take calculated and practical steps in actioning your goal. Some may be more relevant than others.

• Do you know what you need to be doing to get what you want?


• Who do you need to speak to?


• When will you start taking action?


• When will you achieve it exactly?


• What do you need so you can achieve your goal?


• What resources do you need, both internal and external resources?


• Who needs to support you in your goal achieving journey?


• What is you 1st, 2nd and 3rd steps?


• What are you going to do in the short-term?

Apply the answers that you have and put them into an action plan. Be detailed in the writing of your plan. Leaving nothing out. Make it clear and precise. The more precise you are in the action steps that you write into your plan, the higher the likelyhood of you achieving what you want. Spare no detail when making an action plan. This stage will give you confidence and formulate a more complete understanding of the effort required of you.

Stage 3): RISK MANAGEMENT

I want you to now address the possible risks, setbacks or self-sabotage that may occur in taking action while in the pursuit of your goal. Use the following questions to assist you in minimising the likelihood of you failing.

• What could possibly go wrong for you?


• What may sabotage your efforts?


• What will you do to overcome any setbacks?


• What are the possible negative impacts that may happen, when you achieve your goal?


• What solutions do you have to successfully address all your setbacks?

Stage 4): MONITORING PROGRESS

Taking action without monitoring your progress is fool hardy. Working hard, without realising whether you are actually moving in the right direction, the goal and supporting actions, soon becomes meaningless. To avoid wasting your efforts you must regularly monitor your progress. I've listed a few questions to prompt you to accurately monitor your progress or not.

• Are your actions taking you towards or away from your goal?


• When will you check you progress?


• What are the specific times or dates that you will check your progress?


• How will you know that you are making progress?


• What will you do if you are not on track?


• Will you use a 3rd party to monitor your progress?


• When things go wrong and your efforts wasted what will you do to get back on track?


• Are you willing to accept your efforts have been wasted and are you able to make the appropriate changes to realign yourself with your goal?

Write your answers into your action plan to ensure you have, specific monitoring milestones, to check that your progress is taking place and you are on track.

Goal Setting Summary

Once you have worked through the 4 stages and also integrated the 10 important tips that I have listed in my earlier blog, you are now well prepared to pursue your goal. Pursue it with absolute gusto. Let nothing distract you from possessing what you want. Enjoy every moment and every step along the way.

Wishing you well as you strive towards your goals.

Colin: www.ignition.org.nz

What You Didn't Learn About Goal Setting

Have a look through your NLP Practitioner training manual or your Neuro Semantic manual and look up the Well Formed Outcome Model. This is a typical goal setting pattern with specific criteria that needs to be present for you to achieve your goals, or to coach others in achieving there's.

What I've found is there are many techniques that ensure your success in goal setting that aren't specifically addressed in the Well formed outcome model so I thought you'd like to have some additional proven tips, to maximise you resultsBefore I do that we need to have brief look at the Well formed outcome pattern.



Here are the 8 basic steps (not including sub-headings) of the Well Formed Outcome Model:



1) State the outcome in positive terms

2) State the outcome in sensory based terms

3) Specify the outcome so it is compelling

4) Run an ecology check on the outcome

5) Is it self initiated and maintained?

6) State the specific context of the outcome

7) State the resources needed for you to achieve it

8) What evidence will you have to know you have achieved your goal?



What's missing?


Quite a lot actually! And really important stuff too!



Here are 10 critical points for you to ensure the likelyhood of you achieving your goal and will greatly enhance the Well Formed Outcome Model. They are in no particular order and supported by research. (email me if you want the details)



Accountability:
Who will you ask to hold you accountable for you to achieve the goal? Who will the person be that will keep you on track throughout the process? Who will you tell what it is that you are wanting to achieve?



Planning:
What are the specific steps you will take and the specific time frames for each of these steps? Include all the necessary resources and align them with the timeline of the outcome you are wanting to achieve.

Support:
Who will support you through the stages of the goal?
Who will offer you emotional support through the steps along the way?
What specific support do you require from others?



Rewards:
What rewards will you recieve at specific stages of the journey to achieving your goal? Ensure that the reward does not conflict with your long term goal i.e. spending money when your goal is to save money or eating forbidden food when you are wanting to shed weight!


Problem & Solutions:
What will stop you from achieveing your goal and what 2 solutions do you have to overcome each of them? Be fully prepared for worse case scenario. Know what will slow you down or attempt to make you fail and have a clear strategy to overcome each of them.



Visualisation:
Visualise the effort, commitment and dedication required of you at each step of the plan you have formulated. Visualise yourself overcoming each difficulty artehr than you achieving the end result. 80% of the visualisation process is to be on effort and overcoming and 20% on the end result.



WHY Power:
Make and extensive list of WHY you want to achieve this goal. Ask the yoruself why - a dozen or more times and bullet point the 3 main reasons why you want the goal. Remember: when you know WHY you are doing it you WILL do it!



Mindfulness:
Be mindful, on a regular basis, of WHY you want to make the effort required of you. Take a brief moment through your day to refelect on why you are doing what you are doing.



Journal:
Write a progress record or a blog of how you are doing. Write in it encouraging comments to keep you focused when the going gets tough. Remember to record your successes and how you have overcome all your setbacks.



Pict-o-Gram:
Make a mindmap, poster or pict-o-gram of your goal. Cut out pictures make it colourful and have it in a plce that you will see regularly.



There you go, 10 points that will greatly enhance your chances of achieveing your goal. Weave each of them into your usual Well Formed Outcome Model and you will maximise your own chances and those you coach, in achieving their goals!



Simple, aye?



I know this list is not complete and there are other key points that can be integrated. Use these ones for now and see how it goes...

Do You Know What You Are Doing?

This article was 1 I wrote quite some time ago (It's been updated here). It is specifically for trainers or educators who present to others in a training or classroom style setting. I'll post a number of blogs specifically for trainers. If you're a coach reading this then all you need to do is change the wording from "trainer" to "coach" and you'll find it's very relevant to you also. This is another blog that will nicely link to those I have written on mastery. (Personally I believe that coaches can definitely use some training/presentation skills to grow their coaching business)

Those of you who wish to be masterful as a trainer, then read this and also the other blogs I have written on Mastery which you will find in the archive section.

It Starts With Awareness
You’re about to read my first description of what I consider is the place to start for you to move towards training mastery. I'm calling it (mastery) as your ability to understand and practice this statement “knowing what you do and doing what you know and know what you do does to the learner”. That's my description of training mastery.

If you are doing that then you are indeed moving towards mastery as a trainer. There are some exceptional trainers out in the world – only a few will be able to consciously tell you what they do and know how they do what they do. Therefore the place to start is for you to know that training is about being aware, being purposeful and deliberate, in all that you do.

Consider seriously the following questions:

• Do you know what you do when presenting?


• Are you able to monitor multiple things in succession while training? i.e. audience acceptance; resistance; room temperature; the time remaining; the next topic and supporting music…?
  
  Are you purposeful in all you do or do you do whatever comes to mind? (adlib)
  
• Can you present the topic when you’re slideshow fails or your manuals don’t arrive?
  





• Do you wonder where you are going next in your training?
  
• Are you able to asses what you are saying as you are saying it?
  
• 
  
  Do you get lost at times and ask the group – “now where were we?”
  
  
• Do you find your own trainings boring and blame the content?
  
  Do you know how to start the training?


• Do you know how you will finish the training?


• Do you go "blank" when asked a question fromthe audience?


• Do you get flustered when things aren't going the way you expected them to go?


• Do you believe that mastery is all about “winging it!” and being able to ad-lib?
  
  Do you know the reaction that the listener is having, to what you are saying?
• Do you wonder at times how things turned out so well?


• Do you wonder what went wrong and how did it get that way?


• Do you know how you will break them into groups and call them back?
  
  Do you know how to deal with resistance in the group?
• Do you know what your hands are doing as you talk?
  
• Are you aware of whether you sway from side to side or scratch your crotch as you click through your power point slides?
  
  So your first task, to enable you to be masterful as a trainer, is for you to become increasingly aware of what you do. No, not as you’re doing it, but prior to you doing it! Thinking and doing at the same time is not the best approach when training. And certainly is not a hall-mark of a master trainer. First think and then do. (that's a good start for now)

Plan out what you will do in your presentation. Mentally rehearse how you will present your material and how you will address some or all of the bulleted points I’ve listed above. Add your own points of need for you to have greater awareness and therefore continous improvement in how you deliver your content.

Become aware, before your delivery, of what you will be doing and how you will be doing it and (Wake up and pay attention now!) … what affect you have and how that is effecting the learner's ability to learn.

Many trainers (read this description carefully) know what they do and do what they know - yet do not know what they do, does to the learner!!! Read my description of mastery again and again. Make plans for you to become more aware of what you do and the impact that your behaviour has on those you are presenting to. This is a must have component to be masterful as a trainer or in any other context. Practice being mindful of what you are doing.

Summary:
My final description (in case you didn't get it this late in the article) of training mastery is:

”Knowing what you do and doing what you know, while knowing what you do, is doing to the learner”.

Did you get that? That means training is about applying to self 1st. It’s about consciously being aware. It’s about being purposeful and it’s about knowing knowing cause & effect in the training room. A masterful trainer would never be happy with just the delivery of the content alone (many are though!). No, they want to know that what they did, got through to the learner (for some this is bloody revolutionary, to think they should actually take an interest whether the learner got it!!!).

Apply this principle to what you’re currently doing in your training rooms or presentations and make the appropriate adjustments if necessary. By doing so,the positive results you gain in your trainings will increase.

All of the exceptional trainers I have met, have a burning desire to make a difference with those they present to. They fulfil this by being aware of what they are doing and use exceptional techniques when the present, which I will share with you in this series on Mastery. (check out the blog archive section for more on Mastery)

Initial 1st Steps
So... this is where I want you to begin – to become increasingly more aware and therefore mindful of what you do as a trainer. (Or coach, teacher, adult educator, presenter)

Pictures: Are of actual trainings I and Lena have delivered in order of appearance are:

Auckland - 14 day Neuro Semantic Trainers Training

Sweden - 3 day Self-leadership

Civil Aviation Trainers in the South Island of NZ - http://www.ignition.org.nz/

The Covert Pessimist

Look for the silver lining inside every dark cloud, always look on the bright side, find something positive in every bad situation or say to yourself "...there are less fortunate people on the planet than me" and finally - "...always look on the bright side of life!"

I'm sure you've heard these statements or similar, once or twice before. Said by people who are promoting the importance of looking on the brighter side of life, when the chips are done or when life turns to custard. Some of us also know it by the question "Is the glass half full or half empty? (depends if your thirsty or not!) For those of us on the street we'd know the attitude in these examples as having a positive or negative attitude. For those involved in personality typing they're likely to call it optimism or pessimism. Either way it's all about how you interpret a situation you are faced with throughout your day.

I think there's plenty that's been said about optimism. You can read Dr. Martin Seligman's book called Learned Optimism and his other writings on the subject and optimism's well documented relationship with benefits for both our mental and physical wellness.

So... that's not what this article is about.

Entrenched Pessimissim

What I think that's needed (critical) is a more detailed understanding of how pessimism is so firmly entrenched in the very fabric of our being, that we do not recognise what we do and say, and is in fact, a constant pessimistic approach people have in general to the situations we face on a daily basis.

We can be so blinded by how we respond, to the point that we do not link our responses to having a pessimistic undertone. Usually because the mindset of pessimism is blended with other frames of mind like caring, protectiveness, achievement, love, clarity, trustworthiness etc.. and it is these frames that we are more conscious of and not the over arching driving frame of pessimism.

Let me explain by giving you 3 examples:

• Your staff call while you are out of the office. You recognise the caller ID. You answer the phone by saying "Hi. What's wrong?" (You care about your business and the staff and assume that something is wrong when there has been no reference to there being a problem)

• You have an upcoming exam that is very important for your advancement. You say to a friend " I'm so very nervous, I want to pass but it's going to be a tough exam." (You want to be successful in the upcoming exam yet frame the exam as being "tough")

• You want to go fishing with the kids in the morning. You say to the kids "It had better be fine tomorrow or it'll be just terrible!" (You want the fishing trip to be a success and the kids to enjoy the day and predict that it will be terrible if the weather is not fine)

Hidden within each of these statements you'll find the fragments of a pessimistic attitude. This is all too common when you set your mind to listen for it. At times it may even appear on the surface to be an optimistic approach, but it is not. Have another read over the statements above. Some are more obvious than others - are they not?

Pessimism, as I am defining it, is found in more than the balatant and typical situations of whether something is either good or bad, easy or hard, or whether you can or can't do something. It permeates other responses like:

• Regularly fault finding in what others say & do


• Negatively escalating a situation (Mountain out of a mole-hill stuff)


• Creating worst case scenarios that you are convinced are real


• Being suspicious of other people, unnecessarily


• Being fearful of situations that you've not experienced before


• Creating future situations that have negative outcomes


• Being overly protective of another person or project


• Doubting what others say to you


• Finding the exception to a situation that is positive or hopeful


• Responding with an opposite response to the point of view being offered

The list I've made is not comprehensive. It's not meant to be. I hope that it gives you an idea of how to recognise a pessimistic response when you next make one or hear one from others.

I'm not saying that a person who positively explores a worst case scenario is being pessimistic. What I am saying is, it is a common pattern of response that you make when presented with a situation. Do you default to a worst case scenario and then escalate it too an even worse case scenario etc...?

Know It & Eliminate It

What I'm wanting you to do, is be more aware of how you respond.

• Do you think of people as being untrustworthy, unreliable?


• Do you think of people as being put to get you or see the worst in people?


• Do you jump to conclusions about people that are actually unfounded but certain in your own mind.


• Do you see the worst in people?


• Do you find that you start more arguments with others, than they do with you?


• Do you doubt what people say more often than not?


• Do you feel insecure and inadequate?

Reading over these bulleted points, it could be easy for some readers to say "Hey, that's not a pessimistic attitude you've described there!" And, that is what I am talking about.

When I listen to a client while I am in coaching or training I often hear, what at first glance, appears not to be a pessimistic attitude. BUT - in my opinion, pessimism is found to be the over-arching theme that is present in what they are saying. Yes, they may say it's more about being safe, sensitive to who you can or can not trust and about not being gullible and getting sucked in by others etc... However - it is still NOT about having an optimistic view of the world and those around us!

I'm not saying that evaluating worst case scenarios is being pessimistic, quite the contrary. Positively analyse worst case scenario's and come up with solutions to them and implement them to mitigate the risks. That's an excellent approach. Burying yourself in worst case scenario's and escalating them to the tenth-degree as a negative, and in my mind, is not acceptable optimistic view.

There are plenty of reasons why we need to be aware of how our pessimistic attitude oozes out in all we do. From whether we can arrive at the office on time while being stuck in traffic or whether the person you love is telling the truth to you or not. Whether the fare the taxi driver is charging you is reasonable or the reason why your staff have not completed their time sheets on time is true. We are faced with situations daily and we have the choice whether we interpret each and every situation as being a positive or a negative.

How do you interpret frequent situations you are faced with? Even better, how do you interpret rare and infrequent situations? Do you implode or explode, as a direct result of what has happened? Do you find the possibility immediately or the impossibility?

A Lesson Worth Learning

This has to be one of life's simplest lessons. That you have 1 of 2 choices when faced with all situations. You have the choice when you listen, see and observe a situation to interpret it optimistically or pessimistically. You can always choose to find the good in what was said or the bad in what was said to you. In my opinion, no matter how you try to justify your negative attitude, it is still a negative attitude and therefore a pessimistic one.

Listen to how you respond - could you have chosen a more optimistic view at the time, no matter how bad it may have 1st appeared? Pessimism is more prevalent on our planet than optimism, is what I have found to be true. It seems to me that it is always easier to be pessimistic than it is to be optimistic about life's challenges. I'm not exactly sure why - perhaps it's the human condition at play, I'm not sure.

What I am sure about is, that we need to be more aware of how pessimism has seeped into our lives hidden in responses that we justify as being anything else other than - pessimism. Perhaps it's done to hold tentatively onto what we may think is an optimistic attitude, not comfortable to admit that we are in fact, more often pessimistic than we are optimistic!

A Good Dose of Hatred Will Fix It!

There's no shortage of it, is there? Hatred that is.

In our modern times there are so few, who really hate. There are a lot of pretenders out there who hate a little for a short period of time but it's rare for me to find someone, or a group of people, who can really hate, with any real intensity. When you do come across a person who is at least half descent at hating, it's amazing what they can do and how quickly and how long they can maintain their drive, direction and determination. Awesome to watch!

We have acts of hatred beamed into our living room and onto our plasma TV's, at family prime time viewing. We have acts of hatred, bold typed on the front page our daily national newspaper, for all to read. We have acts of hatred posted on website after website, for all to log onto if they so desire.

There are infamous and unforgettable acts of hatred throughout our history. Acts that have left their own carbon imprint for all future generations to see and hear, of the atrocities and unmentionable acts, fuelled by people driven by hatred. There is no shortage of hate crimes and increadible in-humane acts of violence, torture thrust onto innocent people from continent to continent.

I'd like you now, to consider a different view and the use of hate. One that I have found to be a very powerful use of it in both coaching & training, of this all too often, mis-represented emotion.

A Young Lesson

I remember my grandmother saying to me as a young man, not to say I hated someone and reminded me that hate is a "strong" word. It's rare for a word to be classified as being "strong". In fact I've never heard of a word spoken of in such away, yet I've heard parents say the same thing that was said to me, to their children "... don't say hate. Hate is a strong word and you don't mean - hate. You mean you dislike it".

For those of us who understand the technique used in that sentence it's called reframing. Taking the raw meaning of hate and changing it, by reframing it to mean something else. In this case de-escalating the meaning to "disliking".

• What if hate was able to empower us to deliver consistent acts of kindness?


• What if deep hatred, rightly placed, was used to change the world positively?


• Is there another side to hatred, that we are overlooking?

I was approached by a national rugby team and asked if I could help them turn their losing streak around. After asking a number of questions of what was happening, I soon found out that there was no difference in the atmosphere in the changing rooms between when they lost a game or when they won! The short version of what I recommended was that the team would win more when they - hated losing and hated it so much ,that winning was the only option for them? The coaching and management staff made the necessary changes we discussed, to ensure the team learnt to hate losing and they broke the losing streak they were having.

One sure thing that I know personally and is often found in a sporting context, is that winners "hate" to lose. And it motivates them powerfully. Have you ever thought of how important hate is, to drive you positively? I know that personally my hatred of losing in my former professional sporting career and in my business life, powerfully drives me to succeed.

How about you?

Put Hate In Its Rightful Place

When you really hate consistently coming 2nd, you'll begin to take 1st place more often.

When you realise that losing sucks and it hurts you deeply when you lose - you will do what it takes to win and win more often? But only if you hate losing enough.

• When you hate the poverty in your town - what will that drive you to do about it?


• When you hate injustice what will you then do about it?
• When you hate failing will you then succeed more often?


• When you hate prejudice enough, what will that do for you?


• When you hate the extra weight you have been carrying around your belly, will you then make the necessary changes to your diet and activity levels?


• When you hate having no money and constantly broke before your next pay day, what could that do for you?


• When you hate the place you work enough, what will you do about handing your notice in and finishing that horrid job?

Do you understand the real strength in the word hate and the powerful emotional labels that accompany it. When you do realise its powerful uses you will begin to tap into a very useful resource for those of you who coach, mentor, train or lead others? (and yourself).

The use of hate and all the meanings and emotions that accompany it, when focused positively, can make a powerful difference in your life. Sadly, many have to dive into the very depths of hatred, about what it is that they believe to be unfair and injustice, before they will take action and do something about it. For some I meet, they wont change until they actually hate the situation they are in, and then, finally, they'll take action and make the change needed.

In my opinion and from personal experience, hate has an important part to play in motivation, direction, intention, purpose and success, for those we coach and train.

A strong word hate? YES - it is in deed, a very strong word. A word that has had too much of a bad rap and needs to be seen for the power it has in making a positive difference in generating change. For some, hate is the much needed catalyst they have been looking for to make and sustain the long term change the need.

Use it wisely, use it sparingly, but use it all the same and give yourself permission to use it when you must. And hate will deliver the results you've been wanting.

Important Footnote:

For those of you with an NLP or Neuro Semantic background, you will realise the importance and potential hate has in driving change byway of meta-programs. If your also familiar with the NS model of Meta-States you'll know that to use hate, it must be textured appropriately to create a gestalt that is positively loaded with the right meanings for the desired outcome.

There will also be coaches and trainers who are so "wired" (you'll know who you are) for generating change through "...love, hope and inspiration etc..." that they will literally be robbing their clients of the potential hate has in facilitating sustainable change for some of their clients.

Break the Rules

The title speaks for its self, doesn't it?

How good are you at breaking the rules? How good are you at challenging what has always been done? So often I find myself amazed at how many organisations are still doing what they have always done. Not ever challenging why they do what they do or even consider the possibility, that things can and could be done in a better, more innovative way.

The rigidity found in systematising a process, be it in a thriving business, in training and development or a coaching methodology, in my opinion, destroys the long term potential for progress and success.

Temporay Solution

Initially it appears innocent, to formalise a process, even benchmark it and standardise it. Initially all those involved support the establishing of rules or guidelines that provide a sense of direction and sequencing of steps to the job being undertaken. It even brings about a sense of unity among those who agree that this is how we will do things i.e. customer service, a coaching processes, training delivery techniques, HR performance management etc...

Doing this also brings a sense of comfort and security to the group or staff involved and everyone gains the understanding that we are all "...singing from the same choir sheet". At first glance it all looks great! But things are often not as they appear.

The Problem

The formalising and cementing of "due process" immediately eliminates the possibility of being able to operate outside of that framework. While the framework was designed to help and support the business or it's customers. It also cuts off the possibility of assisting those that fall outside of it.

I come across this mentality on a near, daily basis (where process over rules service) and one recent example comes to mind. On Monday evening this week, Lena and I were at a Roast dinner Shop and I ordered a roast pork dinner. I asked the person serving me, if I could buy some additional crackling (crispy, roast pork skin - yummy!) and I was told that they don't sell the crackling separately! Was I a satisfied customer? - NO! (I was clearly outside of the acceptable rules put in place for the businesses effectiveness, but NOT for the customer's satisfaction!).

Look for these examples throughout your day, and you will find many to choose from.

Education is one that comes to mind, where the student is to learn at a speed and rate that has been agreed on for the age of the child, by the educational sector. If you your child doesn't fit the process they have set, then your child is classified as a poor learner and may now require special attention. Mental Health is yet another example, you are to fit into the DSMIV manual or a similar diagnosis tool, and if you do not, then you are the problem, not the system of diagnosis being used. And if you do not respond to the treatment or clinical therapy offered, well... you most definitely are at fault!

Let's go for another, while I am on a role. Training delivery and coaching organisations that have a specific model or models they base their certification on. It will likely be established on credible research and proven to be an effective method of delivering training or providing coaching. It will also be endorsed by the "leaders" in the field as being of great value further supported by testimonials of very satisfied clients. (must be good then...)

So what's the problem? That's easy for me to explain, and much harder for those groups to accept the message I have for them. The very methods they use to define their certification and the way training is to be delivered (learning styles is 1) or coaching is to be performed. Eliminates the freedom to challenge, change or consider new approaches, as it falls outside of the agreed and accepted models that now define that profession.

The process originally used to define the group and position themselves into a niche market, has now become a prison for them. While initially offering security and safety, it also locks out change and progress, because it challenges the hard earned status quo they have fought so hard to establish (we can't allow that now can we!).

History is littered with the martyrdom of men and women who were labelled as heretics or maveriks because they challenged the current accepeted way things were done. In the old days they were burnt at the stake, recieved wipings, hung by the neck and left to die or drowned. Today these people are ostricised from the corporate in-crowd, lambasted corporately via emails, trialled by management and the HR department and dimissed from their position, or similar.

Wanted - More Mavericks!

For long term continued progress we must eveluate the relevance of what we are doing, not accepting the models that define the profession as being fixed in stone and to be fought over to the death to ensure they are kept sacred for the many years ahead. We need to have the flexibility to consider change that was never considered before. We need to embrace the possibility that there are newer and better ways to do what we do and have done so, for far too long.

• Learn the rules to break the rules!
• Challenge what is accepted as an effective means to do what you do!
• Consider the possibility of "what if we are wrong about this...?"
• Entertain the idea of a new approach that may be the opposite to what has always been done!

Are you willing to be a maverik of a sort? To look at what has always been done and consider is that true in all situations? Could it be, that what we consider unacceptable practice, is in fact an opportunity to make new advancements in our porfession.

Conformity and uniformity is the death of long term progress and innovation. Change or die is the message being hearalded to all businesses and professions.

May we always celebrate those who say they "...see things and wonder why, when others see things and say - why not!

Footnote:

The NLP & NS communities need to be aware of the dangers of formalising their processes. And the part it plays in destroying the long term advancements that can be made through continued progress and evaluation. Remember Ashley's Law of Requisite Variety?

Presentation Power

It's probably long overdue, that I write a brief blog on presentation skills. Yes, I too have been to presentations made by people who are deemed worthy to listen to (and often are), yet have no idea how to make an effective presentation to an audience. Many of you know my training background so I'm not going to go into that.

Many of you also know my presentation style and experience from conference keynote speaker to corporate training consultant, workshop presenter and trainer of trainers. So I'm not going to go into that either. (You just did Col!).

I'm tired of listening to presenters, especially those presenters that are deemed "leaders in their field" and charge exorbitant rates, for what is nothing more, than a shitty presentation. So I'm going to list all the things you need to do, so you too, can - BE JUST LIKE THEM!!!

That's right, do all of these things (I'll stop at 21) and you'll be the best shitty international, leading edge presenter, there is!!

How to Make A Powerful Presentation

1. Arrive late to your presentation and be completely phased by the fact that you're late. And make some pitiful excuse why you were late! ("...traffics bad this time of morning...").


2. Have no idea how the technical gear you need to use works. How to plug in your laptop to the projector, use a microphone, set sound levels and lighting. Or even open your PowerPoint presentation to begin with!


3. You ask a person in the audience if they can help you setup. Put the chairs out, your manuals and colored pens.


4. When you're introduced to the audience by the MC, correct the MC and let them know how they got some of the details about you wrong. That way you look great because you make others wrong.


5. Stand in front of the projector that is displaying your presentation on the screen behind you. This way you'll have part of your slide projecting onto you ,which will really bring your presentation alive.


6. Walk randomly back and forth across the stage or sway from side to side while standing in 1 place as though you're on a ship at sea. This is an excellent hypnotic induction technique you're using and when they do go to sleep you'll blame them. Not realising you're actually boring them to tears!


7. Make sure your PowerPoint presentation has heaps of words on each slide and preferably use a font size that requires you to squint your eyes to see the mass of words projected onto the screen.


8. Use graphs that can not be seen clearly and say these words "...you probably can't see this graph.." and continue to speak to the group using information from the graph.


9. Use a consistent drone in your voice and minimise any form of vocal variety.


10. When the opportunity presents itself, sound as though what you're saying is the least bit interesting to you. You must also demonstrate how this presentation is an interruption to you doing your favourite activity i.e. gardening or reading a book. (being anywhere else but there!)


11. Read your slides to the audience, word for word. Under no circumstances are you to deviate from what you have written. This is an excellent strategy, to ensure you're like so many other of those shitty presenters. (apparently, if you're from across the seas and do this you here in NZ you must be an expert. So no one says you were crap out of respect for your international reputation!)


12. Use no sequenced line in, one at a time transitions, available to you in PowerPoint. Have all the writing that you have on each slide appear, all at once. Overwhelming them with you're brilliant knowledge of the subject.


13. Under no circumstances are you to allow any form of interaction or engagement between yourself and the audience. While doing this, make sure you keep the audience fixed to their seats without any opportunity to move about or stretch. After all, why would they want to, you're so damn interesting!


14. Lose your place and go searching through your notes for 1-2 minutes to find out where you are in your presentation while ignoring the audience. Make sure you mumble under your breath "...I new this would happen..." - forgetting that your microphone is on.


15. Make 2 or 3 derogatory jokes about religion, politics, gender, race or sexually explicit acts with animals. Ignore the fact that no one laughs. After all, the audience is not as smart as you are, when it comes to appropriate comedy and humor.


16. Insert inappropriate cartoon slides that will hopefully offend a large cross section of the audience. Cartoons that are best used are ones's that have serious religious overtones and guranteed to offend a good cross section of your audience. Naturally you'll think the murmuring of disgust from the audience is in fact a sign they love what you're message.


17. When someone arrives a little late. Make an immediate example out of them and embarrass them in front of the audience. Reminding them, of how disrespectful it is that they've arrived late to your powerful presentation which you've taken days to prepare.


18. Should you have someone ask you a question about the topic you are presenting on. Make them wrong, as soon as you can. This will ensure you're not interrupted again, allowing you to boldly move on through your 79 slides in the remaining 60 minutes you've got, before finishing.


19. Near the end of your presentation insert references to your expo stand you have at the conference and your latest, DVD, mp3 recordings, t-shirts and books you are selling. Offer them a discount if they rush out at the end of your presentation, and you'll (lucky them!) sign copies for the 1st 10 people who buy your latest book today.


20. Knowing the exorbitant fee the conference organisers are paying for your 90 minute presentation. You you are to provide added value, by running over the time allocated for you. The best length of time to run over is 20 minutes, and ignore anyone who gets up and walks out, as you know that they do not appreciate the fact that you're offering extra value by going over the allotted time.


21. Finally. When people meet you after your presentation. Be rude, ignore all interested people who want to meet you. At all times you are to remain aloof and indignant, seperating yourself from this lower class of people, of which you believe all conference goers are. Perhaps, 1 day, they too may reach your "higher order of excellence" and be a conference keynote speaker just like YOU.(whatever!).

This list was way too easy for me to put together. How sad that fact is. If you are a presenter, I hope I have stood on your toes and fingers (ouch!) in the hope, if any of what I have listed - is YOU. That you will change you're ways. And quickly. If I have offended you - congratulations. I hope you will review what you're doing and make some immediate changes to both your attitude and your immense lack of skill!



Audiences deserve better, than what many are offering.

Destruction of New Life

I've been wanting to write on this topic for quite sometime. It's close to my heart, and a theme I emphasise when training those who wish to gain mastery of a specific model, be it in coaching, training or leadership.
I believe that what I am writing about here, causes the destruction of all new discoveries in mankinds attempts to actualise their potential.

What I have seen so often, is people who learn a technique or style and worship the style they have learnt to the detrimant of their continued growth, of what is possible for them. They become entrapped by the models they have learnt, unable to free themselves from it or entertain new possibilities and potential that are avilable to them. Sadly, they can even fight to the death, to ensure the model remains the same, for centuries to come.

New Life Destroyed

What is the new life, I am saying is being destroyed?

It is all the new life, birthed from men and woman over the centuries, who have had an epiphany, revelation, creation or advancement of a new way of thinking, about old things. The easiest example that comes to mind, for me to give you, is the progression over centuries of psychology, psychiatry, psychotherapy and it's 1,000's of variations. There are specific and notable people in the history of self-discovery who have made specific break throughs and advancements in the field of personal development, and the understanding of the "psyche".

These people are recognised and acknowledged as having made a significant contribution to the advancement of the field as a whole. These notables have many people, wishing for new life, advancement and growth, who immediately gather around them and seek to learn directly from them. To learn the new model of how to do what they do. Naturally the growing throng of avid followers must become a formalised movement and this movement to become a global organisation - as good news travels fast. (...and rightly so)

You get the idea don't you? Look into all new movements, be they spiritual, psychological, training, management, leadership etc..., you will find a common trend.

Deaths Journey

In short - the sequence of new life's destruction goes through these stages:

1. A new discovery or advancement of understanding occurs through a particular insight, by a specific person or small group of people.
2. The sharing of the good news discovery with others.
3. The gathering of a growing group based around the good news.
4. The election of a recognised leader of the group.
5. A call to formalise the discovery into a documented and stylised model.
6. The maintaining and containment of the model. With some variations accepted, as it is (or not) applied to other fields - while maintaining the original integrity of the originator.
7. The resistance to any type of extension, challenging or discarding of the now formalised model.
8. The entrapment of the movements followers, by the need to maintain the model and in doing so, over time, resulting in the death of the life that birthed the original new advancement. Naturally the movement must resist (vehemently) any new way of doing what they have done for so long, to maintain the status quo!
9. They also will identify themselves by the name of the movement and fight to maintain their identity.

Am I Clear?

So do you see what I am saying here? Are you getting it?

The dangers I have observed in every movement I have embraced in my learning journey, is the death of the movement based on what I think is a human need to ritualise, canonise and indoctrinate the new discovery, resulting, sooner or later, in it's demise, death and destruction.

Am I saying that you are not to embrace or avidly learn any new model that breaths new life into old bones.

NO!

What I am saying, is learn the model, learn it well and master the model. Discard the model to the degree that is necessary for you to continue to extend yourself on a long term, continuous basis. This will result in the continued growth of the field you have mastered and will place you, often, back into the position of being a learner once again.

I believe there is a need to constantly challenge the model as you master it. To seek out new techniques and understandings. By testing and discarding what you once held sacred, when learning the model you will be contributing back to the domain you are passionate about. Learn the rules also, to learn how to break the rules and make new rules to discard them also as you learn and grow.

A Professional Approach

An example I can give you is when I am providing coaching. I have learnt many models that generate change and I've embraced them all. To generate change for my client I must be free, and willing to break the benchmarks, rules or doctrines of the accepted coaching models I have learnt, for me to continue to learn new ways to generate change byway of my coaching. In doing so, I am free to customise my coaching to align with the specific needs of the client and support them in their change process and self actualisation.

For me to use a formalised, systematised approach based on the rules of a learnt model is too limiting for me and negates the need I have to meet my client where they are at. By having this attitude as I coach, I am free to meet them without a predetermined approach, yet fully equipped with an expansive coaching model and knowledge, yet free from it at the same time!

While I do train people in a specific model of coaching, In my opinion you must seek to move beyond the model you've learnt. You are not to be limited by the model, but to use it solely as a tool to further advance your skill level and to discard it, as you gain new ground as a coach.

This will be very challenging for those who hold tightly to their formalised, ritualised methods of doing what they do (in every profession). I am challenging in this message the very essence of what they have discovered and fought tooth and nail, to gain a professional foothold as an accepted method of operation.

Take a quick look at religion, management, education, psychiatry, medicine etc... Each one fighting for their place as being "The Way" and the ONLY way!

In Closing

Ok. I've written enough for now. Hopefully, to have begun to make my point.

Seek to learn a technique, style, or model. Master it knowing you will discard it (in part or in whole) while taking from it what works, and adding to it by challenging all things considered once sacred, when you were first learning it.

Learn form to be free from form!

Use what you need to know, knowing that it has a "best before date", that it has an "expiry date". To avoid the destruction of any new life discovery, we must be willing to accept the field will evolve, be extended. To be willing to discard old sacred cows and embrace new life, ideas, techniques and styles, that births change and progress.

A Touch of Sarcasm

If you want a new life discovery destroyed, please follow the numbered points I've listed above and you'll achieve it within a short time frame. A sure sign that you're well on your way to destroying it is, you'll fight over how to protect the model from the heretics that threaten to undermine the way things are done!

Whew! - I guess that qualifies me as a heretic then ( ...am I alone out there?) - While others may consider this approach revolutionary the majority will have you burnt at the stake!!!

All the very best as you aim to have continuous growth and new life - free from rituals, routines and form.

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

Self-Esteem Part 2

So... let's take a look at ourselves through different eyes. Firstly, what I'd like you to do is, quickly take a moment now to go look at yourself in the mirror, or if you don't have the time - think about what it was like for you when you last looked at yourself in a mirror.

What happens? A voice in your head saying "Yuck!" or "Your getting old..." or something similar? These are signs of low esteem. Let's leave this scenario for now (we'll return to it near the end) as I want to make some distinctions.

Distinctions

Self-esteem is about your the level of self-value or self-importance. And more specifically, how you determine your level of importance,worth or value. Answer this question for me: "How do I know I am of value, importance and worth?" Let's cut to the chase: Do you define yourself byway of external factors i.e. friends, family, job, income, looks, possessions etc... or byway of internal factors i.e. your thoughts, beliefs about self, personal self-regard etc...?

Self-Esteem is about esteeming oneself. That's it in a nutshell. Self-Esteem is a gift, that only you can give, to yourself. Yes this is one of those times when it truly is "all about you". It's not about what you own or who you hang-out with. It's not about the big home and the car you have parked in the drive. It's not about your looks, height, color or age! NO! No! no!

It's all about you valuing YOU! Irrespective of whether you have all the bling-things or popularity and warm hugs from those you love dearly. By the way, I do not use the term High Self-Esteem. High Self-Esteem is plagued with as many setbacks as Low SE. What I promote is healthy SE or optimum SE.

Have You Got it Yet?

So... have you learnt something about SE? How you define yourself versus how you express yourself are 2 different things. Be careful not to get them mixed up (I'll address these 2 in another writing). Your level of SE is determined by you - I'm suggesting that you take charge of it and begin immediately to value yourself, rather than discounting your self, like a cheap shirt in a second-hand clothing shop. You and only you, are to determine your level of worth & importance. Begin doing it now!

How?

Let's get back to that mirror scenario we started out with...

When you rise in the morning, and I'm assuming you at least pay a fleeting glance at what you look like, don't you? When you next do that I want you to stop, and look more closely at yourself, and say to yourself the words "I like myself". What's the bet you can't even do that without laughing or disbelieving it, by saying a critical "whatever!"(both signs of low SE)!

It'll take some practice wont it? To say it and truly mean it. That's a good start for you to begin to grow your SE to a healthy level. Once you begin to feel comfortable with saying this add these 3 sentences to the one you started with. Add them 1 at a time till each feels comfortable with you and string them together one after the other (this may take a few days - or not).

Here are the sentences:

• "I am a valuable person..." (Yes I am!)
• "I am a worthy & unique person..." (Yes I am)
• "I am an important person, and I love myself..." (Yes I am and yes I do)

The "yes I am" is said to confirm the previous statement and has a smidgen of celebration and joy sprinkled through the tone of your self-talk.

OK for now that will do to start you on the road. Yes, I know... there can be more to it than that. Stop making excuses and sounding like you need a psychiatrist and a bottle of pills (SE is not found in pills either!) - and get onto this.

It's time to redefine yourself - begin now... in fact, begin immediately.

This is a small abbreviated excerpt from a training I deliver aptly called "Self-Esteem" and also a module on SE from our 3 day training called Self-Leadership.

www.ignition.org.nz