So... let's take a look at ourselves through different eyes. Firstly, what I'd like you to do is, quickly take a moment now to go look at yourself in the mirror, or if you don't have the time - think about what it was like for you when you last looked at yourself in a mirror.
What happens? A voice in your head saying "Yuck!" or "Your getting old..." or something similar? These are signs of low esteem. Let's leave this scenario for now (we'll return to it near the end) as I want to make some distinctions.
Distinctions
Self-esteem is about your the level of self-value or self-importance. And more specifically, how you determine your level of importance,worth or value. Answer this question for me: "How do I know I am of value, importance and worth?" Let's cut to the chase: Do you define yourself byway of external factors i.e. friends, family, job, income, looks, possessions etc... or byway of internal factors i.e. your thoughts, beliefs about self, personal self-regard etc...?
Self-Esteem is about esteeming oneself. That's it in a nutshell. Self-Esteem is a gift, that only you can give, to yourself. Yes this is one of those times when it truly is "all about you". It's not about what you own or who you hang-out with. It's not about the big home and the car you have parked in the drive. It's not about your looks, height, color or age! NO! No! no!
It's all about you valuing YOU! Irrespective of whether you have all the bling-things or popularity and warm hugs from those you love dearly. By the way, I do not use the term High Self-Esteem. High Self-Esteem is plagued with as many setbacks as Low SE. What I promote is healthy SE or optimum SE.
Have You Got it Yet?
So... have you learnt something about SE? How you define yourself versus how you express yourself are 2 different things. Be careful not to get them mixed up (I'll address these 2 in another writing). Your level of SE is determined by you - I'm suggesting that you take charge of it and begin immediately to value yourself, rather than discounting your self, like a cheap shirt in a second-hand clothing shop. You and only you, are to determine your level of worth & importance. Begin doing it now!
How?
Let's get back to that mirror scenario we started out with...
When you rise in the morning, and I'm assuming you at least pay a fleeting glance at what you look like, don't you? When you next do that I want you to stop, and look more closely at yourself, and say to yourself the words "I like myself". What's the bet you can't even do that without laughing or disbelieving it, by saying a critical "whatever!"(both signs of low SE)!
It'll take some practice wont it? To say it and truly mean it. That's a good start for you to begin to grow your SE to a healthy level. Once you begin to feel comfortable with saying this add these 3 sentences to the one you started with. Add them 1 at a time till each feels comfortable with you and string them together one after the other (this may take a few days - or not).
Here are the sentences:
- "I am a valuable person..." (Yes I am!)
- "I am a worthy & unique person..." (Yes I am)
- "I am an important person, and I love myself..." (Yes I am and yes I do)
The "yes I am" is said to confirm the previous statement and has a smidgen of celebration and joy sprinkled through the tone of your self-talk.
OK for now that will do to start you on the road. Yes, I know... there can be more to it than that. Stop making excuses and sounding like you need a psychiatrist and a bottle of pills (SE is not found in pills either!) - and get onto this.
It's time to redefine yourself - begin now... in fact, begin immediately.
This is a small abbreviated excerpt from a training I deliver aptly called "Self-Esteem" and also a module on SE from our 3 day training called Self-Leadership.
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