Self-Esteem - From Where?

Self-Esteem Part 1

Who's that?

Looked in the mirror recently? What did you say when you saw yourself? Noticed your reflection in a shop window, while strolling along the street? What thoughts came to mind then? What are the most dominant thoughts that you hold in mind about who you are and the level of worth you hold true for yourself?

Let's talk about self-esteem (SE). Now... this is a "hot topic" for me and has been for a number of years. I personally believe that the level of esteem you have for yourself dramatically influences how you interact with those around you and how you respond, or not, in situations that arise daily.

There has been much written about SE. I have read and heard many theories of what it is and how you get it. SE drives a large multi billion doallr industry of coaching & training from coaches, workshops, public speakers to authors of books on every concievable angle to increase SE. High SE has been linked with high levels of personal achievement and at it's low end suicide, business failure and psycho-somatic dysfunction etc...

Well... that's enough about the world of SE. I want to, in this brief article, cut to the chase and give my views on what it is and is not. And even more briefly, provide a couple of ideas on how to grow SE. I make no apologies for stepping on the orthodox opinions of what is generally believed to be SE.

World View

Contray to the popular world view, SE is not "Bling-Esteem" nor is it "Thing-Esteem". Ones personal value when linked to bling: jewellery, pendants, watches, studs etc... or things: House, cars, status, income, fame etc... These "bling-things" are often linked, mistakenly to SE.

Will you have a healthy level of SE if you lost all your bling-things?

This question will determine whether you have SE or psuedo-SE.

So...

SE is not generated from bling-things. I'm not saying you should not own bling-things - what I am saying is, they are not to determine your level of SE. Sadly in many cases, the pursuit of bling-things results in this false SE. Although you may have all the bling, you'll lead an empty life and need more bling-things to satisfy your need for SE.

"Others-Esteem" is another psuedo type of SE. This is where your value is directly linked to other people.

"I feel valued and worthy when I'm praised by others".

"I'm nothing wthout you in my life!"

These comments and many others of a similar nature, reveal that the persons worth or value is directly linked to whether others value them or not. When the crowd applaudes you or the paparazzi are present clicking away, do you feel important? When popularity from others determines your value byway of public acclaim or praise recieved from the vast majority, or from your inner circle of friends or family. When you feel, or believe you are of value due to "others" this is not SE but "others-esteem".

Both bling & thing esteem along with others esteem, is not Self-Esteem. Yes, I know, this is how we often identify personal value or SE. In fact it is how the world portrays personal value and link it to ones level of success and personal worth. I call this type of SE - the Hollywood Syndrome. Those with Hollywood Syndrome are the likes of Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presely, Anna Nicole-Smith and Heath Ledger. Stars who by the worlds standards have all the bling-things and others who adore them. Yet each of them lead known empty lives and lacking true SE. Sadly resulting in the loss of their lives.

Finally SE is not "looks-esteem" either. Is your value or worth based on your personal appearance? To look a certain way, to be a certain weight, skin color or height? To have a specific age appearance, color of eyes or hair etc...? This is an issue that I faced, as mentioned in my earlier article on me now having Vitiligo. Will I determine my skincolor and tone, to define my level of personal esteem? By the millions people mistakenly link their looks to their sense of personal esteem. This is more common than not.

There is a multi billion dollar cosmetic industry growing rich because of the promoted need to look and be a certain shape or look. Cosmetic surgery is booming like never before and shown on popular TV shows beamed into our homes. Promoting extreme make-overs to feel better about yourself! All in an attempt to gain an increased level of SE.

What's Next?

What is self-esteem then? If it's not that - what is it? Where do we get it from? How do I gain an optimum level of SE?

I'll follow this article with answers to those questions.