Snoopy - More Onto It Than YOU

The cartoon of Snoopy reads as follows:

"Sometimes when I get up in the morning I feel very peculiar".

"I feel like I've just got to bite a cat! I feel like if I don't bite a cat before sundown, I'll go crazy!!"

"But then I just take a deep breath and forget about it".

"That's what is known as real maturity".

Now. Let's talk about you...

Ever woke up in the morning and was aware that you felt peculiar but wasn't sure of what it is that's causing it? And then, as the day progressed, you found yourself being "shitty" with those who ventured across your path throughout the day. It's possible you didn't even realise that you were peculiar and yet felt, that if any one steps out of line today, you are going to "bite" them, for sure!

How aware are you of the mood you wake up in? How aware are you of the state or attitude you carry with you throughout your day? Few people I meet are actually aware of their mood and show a complete lack of maturity in their willingness to manage them better. (moods is what I'm talking about!) These people certainly do not have the maturity, that Snoopy speaks of in the Peanuts cartoon above.

Your ability to know the state of mind you are in and your ability to positively change your mood is in deed a must have life-skill and a powerful demonstration of personal mastery. The cost to yourself and those around you is huge, when you decide that you will "... bite a cat before sundown...".

An Example

When I deliver training I meet thousands of people each year. Those attending may be present in a workshop for as little as a few hours, or as long as a number of consecutive days. It's a skill I have as a trainer, to quickly identify the person or people who have woken up wanting to "...bite a cat". And in this case it's me they want to bite or the content, that they want to bite into and tear apart. These people are typically unable to "...take a deep breath and forget about it" as Snoopy is able to. Instead, these trainees remain in the same mood for the entire training session and miss the life changing effect that others in the same room are experiencing. (sad but true!).

The funniest thing (this is true), is to ask them, at the end of the training, to fill in a feedback form about how they found the training! Do you think they can show their maturity at this time? Or, will they wallow in their peculiar mood and fill the feedback form in, based on their need to "...bite a cat before sundown!" (you know the answer - don't you)

A Critical Skill
Our ability to be aware of our moods and have the ability to change our moods is a must have life skill. Leadership without this skill is dangerous and will cause great expense to the organisation. Parents who are unable to do this will drive their children out of their home when they are old enough to leave, or send their children off to school in tears - all because mum or dad woke up, wanting to "...bite a cat!"

Lovers who do not manage their moods and have the skill of transforming their moods will find the relationship to be difficult and at worst, violent!

How important is it that we learn what Snoopy speaks of?

In my own opinion - it is critical.

Business Deficit

When will businesses learn that emotional management will always result in less personal grievances and performance problems within the work place? When will a Human Resources Department address the need for staff to learn how to manage their emotions, behaviours and communication? When will they (if at all) realise that the Workforce Development Manager or Professional Development & Training Advisor, plays a critical role in providing training to staff that directly addresses this problem, rampant in businesses throughout our country (and likely yours too).

It is more likely that they will not, than they will.

With a corporate focus placed on performance and achieving KPI's, it is more likely that they will maintain the current beat of the drum that has always sounded and continues to drive for increased performance and staff conformity. Leaving the "soft-skills" as an unnecessary part of staff development. As a result of this focus, staff will continue to "bite" one another and the HR Advisers will always be an ambulance at the bottom of the corporate cliff, trying to salvage those who have fallen, due to work colleagues and managers who have no ability to recognise the need to better manage their emotions and preferably, have learnt the skill of how to transform them.

What are the benefits to a business that has this type of approach?

Increased performance and profit, reduced stress and staff attrition, increased staff engagement and a work culture that is distinctly different than the typical, emotionally immature organisation who has a culture where we will "... bite a cat before sundown!".

Hardwired Habits?

The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.
Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

Habits are an interesting thing. We form them gradually over time from the way we consistently respond to the world around us. As they form and become fixed they then begin to define who we are and how we react. Those we have come to know over time, are able to recognise us by our predictable responses that they've learnt from their experiences of being with us in a variety of situations.

They're sneaky critta's, habits. Habits, in their early formative stages have to learn to habitually and consistently respond in a specific way. Then, once you've mastered your response (remember this can be positive or negative), it becomes almost hard-wired and you lose conscious awareness that you behave in a certain way, consistently. That is to say, the habit slips from your consciousness.

Forming Habits
There are 2 ways that I'm familiar with, how habits are formed:

One is you have to develop your habit response consciously till you get very good at it.
The second way of forming a habit is that you learnt it without realising it.

How do you do this?

Well... you are exposed to it on a regular basis (usually as a young child) and it is considered an acceptable and appropriate way of behaving. You don't question whether this way of responding is good or not - you just do it cause that's how people you know (and often respect or love), behave. And there you have it, a well formed, non-conscious habit, alive and well on planet earth. Oh, by the way, if you've got a well formed and mature one, it's highly likely you don't know you have it, but everyone else knows you have it!!!

Habits can empower you, assist you in maximising your potential, grow your relationships, enhance your days, or destroy everything you consider precious. Habits define you and people know you by them. Whether you are trustworthy and honorable or a habitual liar or thief. Your habits form the reputation that you will have around town. Your habits will speak for themselves and be more convincing than any eloquent speech you offer. People will remember you by your habits and not by your words. They can be as simple as an idiosyncratic finger twitch or a tapestry of behaviours that result in the destruction of many lives.

Reflection Time
Here's are few questions to prod you, to consider what habits you have:

• What habits are you aware of that either enhance your life or limit it?


• Which habits do you have that enhance your relationships and which one's are destroying them?


• Do you notice a familiar pattern emerging in your life i.e. employment, schooling, relationships that would indicate a cycle of behaviour that's forming?


• Are a number of people giving you similar feedback about the way you behave or communicate and you're ignoring it or brushing it off (either good or bad)?


• How will you find out about those habits you don't know you have?

Habits, we all have them. They direct and determine our level of success.

Samuel Johnson says in his quote that I opened with, that they are "... too strong to be broken". This is often how they appear to be. That they capture you and compel you to respond in a given manner. Are they too strong to be broken? In my opinion no, they most definitely are not. They were formed over time with practice and diligent effort. They can also be dissolved in a similar manner (and in less time than it took to form them).

How to do that is beyond this short blog. I will say however, that you'll find many of the answers to change your habits, in my earlier writings i.e. you get what you focus on, consistently constant, self esteem are just 3 of many articles found on this blog site that will give you an insight into how to rid yourself of habits that are destructive or irritating you. (...or those around you!)

Take a Look at Yourself!
An old cliche I have used in many trainings, and refers to habit awareness goes like this "... if enough people say you're an idiot - you probably are..." Feedback is the food of champions and is a key step in changing or transforming any habit. Your level of willingness to entertain the idea that you have a habit that needs to change is the first stage of releasing a habit and breaking a bond that some say "...is too hard to break".




"First we make our habits, then our habits make us".
Charles C Noble

Consistantly Constant

This is another article to add to the series on I've been writing on mastery. The last posting I wrote was on how practice alone, is not enough. This article follows on from that one.

A brief reminder for you. Although I use the term "mastery" , it can easily be replaced with the words success, goal getting, achievement, champion, leadership or management etc....

Read the article from your perspective and use the word that best suits your interpretation of the word "mastery"



Add to Your Practice

So you're working your way towards being exceptional at what you do. Whether it's a new sporting activity, fitness regime or business venture, it doesn't really matter. You, wanting to achieve and practicing alone, isn't enough. A key factor in your long term success, is you're ability to be consistent over time.

Consistency is a critical component if you're wanting to master a specific endeavor. To put it plainly - you must apply yourself regularly to your pursuit and do it without deviation over a long period of time. In doing so you will have a key element in mastering it.

What I have seen from watching many people, is they start out with a hiss and a roar! Throwing themselves and all they have at it, to be good at what they are passionate about (at least at the start) and over time, they fizzle out completely. They have lots of energy in the early stages. (I call this the honeymoon stage of learning). Blinded by their initial enthusiasm, not realising the need for them to apply themselves in such a way, that they can see it through over the long term. The early signs of fizzling out that I've seen over the years, are a loss of drive to regularly attend to class, training or the standards they set for themselves.

As a former Fitness Centre owner this was a regular observation of mine. People start out training with all the best intentions in the world to achieve their goals of weight loss or weight gain etc... The common theme for many of these fitness enthusiasts is they begin to fade from their original attendance of 3-4 visits a week, to an infrequent level of 1-2 times every 2 weeks or so. Slowly but surely, they regress to not attending at all.

Consistency Applied

Consistency is a quality necessary to master parenting, leadership, business or long term transformational change etc... Parents who are inconsistent with what they say and do in the raising of their children will teach their children that stick ability is not important and consistency is an unimportant quality for personal long term success in their education or maximising their chances of future employment.

Leaders who are not consistent with what they say and do will be teaching those they lead that they do not mean what they say and that they will change their standards whenever it suits them and deviate from what they say they stand for, when and if, their mood so chooses.

A business allowed to operate without consistency of practice, will lose customers and their place in a competitive global market, because they can not be relied on, to honor their company service statement, vision or mission.

Those of you who seek a positive change in your life will not experience it until you embrace the change you want - constantly. Think of those who wish to change a habit like smoking, drinking or eating less, to name but a few. Your success in achieving a transformational change will be the direct result of your consistent embrace of the change you wish to make, over a long period of time. After all, the best indicator that change has occurred, is not found in your words but in your actions.

Masters and champions have mastered the ability to apply themselves to their pursuit diligently. They are not easily swayed nor are they willing to excuse themselves from attending to their study, training, practice etc... because they know the importance of being consistent.

When the Going Gets Tough

Are there times when they may wish to take a day off, go back to being the way they once were, to not attend class at school or turn up at their weekly training? Yes, they do experience this.

How do they respond though?

By remembering what it is they are in pursuit of. They recall their highest intention. They renew their commitment. They regain their focus. And apply themselves to the long term journey of mastery.

One specific group of people who know the importance of consistancy are athletes. They know that to be a champion in their chosen sport they must constantly turn up for training and practice and consistantly out perform their competitors. Being inconsistant is not an option to an athloete who wishes to dominate thir sport.

Are you willing to recognise it yet, if not already? The need for you to be consistent and it's vital place in mastery? Are you willing to commit yourself to the persistent commitment of applying yourself to mastering what it is that you are wanting to achieve. Whether it is your need to save money for a home mortgage, lose weight to be a slimmer and trimmer you or grow a successful business. You must be consistent.

Consider this message seriously. Be consistent and enjoy the natural outflow that constancy brings to your success. The choice as always is yours. Decide the level you are willing to be consistent and that will set the ceiling, to the degree of mastery you achieve.

Practice is NOT Enough

Congratulations!

You'd started to learn the guitar early and you'd been casually playing for 2 years. At 10 years of age you showed some natural ability in playing the instrument. Mum and Dad enrolled you to receive professional, one on one lessons, twice a week totalling 3 hours of tuition per week. You were an enthusiastic and committed student and you religiously attended your lessons without missing a single session and you made very good progress. You also did your own private practice at home, in your room. And you practiced playing your guitar an additional 5 hours per week.

At 15 years of age you were enrolled in a prestigious guitar school where you received 4 hours of specialist lessons per day (as well as other academic studies) for the next 3 years till you were 18 years old, where a selection was made to determine the elite guitarist's at your school, who would receive a full scholarship for continued higher guitar instruction and a guaranteed professional guitar career is a near certainty.

Let's have a look at some of your figures:

• You've been playing seriously since the age of 10 and had committed 8 years in total to playing your guitar so far.


• Over that 8 year period, you had spent a total of 2,080 hours of additional private self- directed practice, aside from your formal classes and lessons. Congratulations!

Did you make the selection to secure that much admired scholarship? - No, you did not!

Why?

The difference between you and those guitarists who reached the elitest level and selection for the scholarship you sought, was not in the years you spent practicing, nor was it in your consistent attendance to your regular, frequent lessons. As all your other class mates did just the same as you in that respect. The difference that made the difference was in the total hours you spent in your own self-directed practice versus the hours they committed to practicing, outside of the usual required lessons.

The specific difference is they spent as much as 100% more time practicing the guitar than you did! That's right, they accumulated more than 4,000 hours than you. Even if you wanted to catch up to those elite students you couldn't. They are now too far ahead of you, based on the time they have accummulated. It's just too hard for you to close the gap on them now.

This is a consistent indicator that separates the elite student and the above average student. Both are gifted and show a natural affinity to playing the guitar (or any other pursuit i.e. sport or business etc). Both are passionate about what they are learning. Both commit to their scheduled lessons. They do not however, do the same amount of additional practice, over and above what is required of them.

Do More - Get More!

So there it is - if you want to be great at anything - you must do more than attend the required classes or lessons expected of you. Also, you must commit additional time and effort to practice, over and above your scheduled practice sessions with your teachers, instructors or coaches etc... The amount of additional self-directed practice you are able to commit to, is entirely up to you.

Be very aware, that it is this component, that will ultimately determine your level of success. Even if you show you have natural talent. Natural talent will get you recognised but will not ensure your long term success. Your natural god-given talent, will amount to nothing, when compared with an equally talented student (in fact, a student with less natural talent than you, will achieve more) who is willing to put in the "extra" hours of practice. It appears the more time you spend in self-directed practice the better.

This may, depending on the activity, require you to spend time researching, physically training, watching recordings, reading, evaluating your technique and developing mental toughness training or receiving feedback etc...

Effort & Time Required

It's totally up to you. As I mentioned in a previous blog. Mediocre effort will never result in maximum results. Going to your scheduled weekly practices will never be enough for you to realise your potential. The difference that makes the difference is the "extra" self-directed practice you do.

How much you do - is up to you! It will ultimately determine the level of expertise you attain.

The Need for Obsession

If you want to waste your hard earned money, spend it on attending conferences and listening to some international speaker, buy their numerous DVD's and books promoting the message that you need to seek a health approach to life through achieving a work-life balance!

This topic has got to be one of the best lies promoted by so called, motivational speakers and personal wellness guru's. To actually think that personal success, excellence and achievement of the highest kind, can actually be achieved by living a balanced life between your passion and the other needy demands of life. Some of these needs requiring attention are, family, your health, education, fitness, saving for a home and retirement and the list goes on. Apparently the message is for you to balance your life in such a way that you achieve a delicate balance, between work and your personal life demands.

Wake Up & Smell The Coffee

Let's get real!!!

Show me where the highest level of excellence has been achieved in any endeavor and the person who pursued it had a balanced life. Study these people carefully. You will find that they all had a never before seen obsession that drove them to achieve results that exceeded all who came before them and the many that would attempt to pursue them long after they had retired. maximum results requires maximum effort and time. It requires an obsession that consumes your every thought, muscle fibre and cell you have within you. This is the level of commitment at the highest level. Yes, there are those who achieve a level of excellence by committing themselves to balancing their demands of life. Yes, they do achieve (to some degree) - No, they do not achieve the heights of achievement that awaits those who are willing to make the sacrifices that a passionate, obsessive nature requires.

Forget the lie of living a balanced life if you ultimately wish to lead the field, make leading edge advancements or set records that have never been heard of before. Average commitment results in average achievement. Maximum commitment, energy, focus and an unrelenting obsession to succeed. Results in a level of human accomplishment that all will admire and few are willing to commit to.

Onto The Summit

It's easier to believe that champions get where they have by seeking a work-life balance. This is an out and out lie. Sir Edmond Hillary did not become famous for climbing half way up Everest and turning around and returning home. No, he went all the way to the summit with his mate Tensing. They are both remembered for all eternity, due to their compulsion to go all the way to the top of Everest. Like him, high achievers think, eat, drink and dream what they want and must pursue. They read, train, study strategies and focus on what they want and do it with an unchastend relentlessness, that I can only explain as an obsession.

So easy to think that the Olympic champions, the billionaires or revolutionaries who turn around a nation all did it while maintaining a lovely work-life balance. They most certainly did not!

Do what you must do to be the very best you can be. Each of us will put limits on what we are willing to commit to. That is fine with me. I understand the need for many to achieve work-life balance, however, under no circumstances are you to believe that maximum results can be achieved by mediocre efforts.

Only A Willing Few

It's a road trod by but a few, and the rest of the world will count you as an enigma of sorts. For you are to them a possessed being with no regard for anything else other than that which you pursue. Some will call you a selfish shit and much more. And this is how it is and it will never be any different for those who set their sights on all time greatness. Show me a man or woman who has achieved greatness of the highest order and I will show you a person who was extreme in their every effort, with a laser like focus, like no other before them.

Anyone who says you can achieve maximum results with mediocre efforts has likely never achieved anything of any real significance in their own life. Or even worse, they have, and are now promoting an approach that they never used themselves in the pursuit of their previous success.

Here's to your obsession in being the best you can be and to hell with your work-life balance!

I know that few will accept this message and I make no apologies for it.

Pictures of those who know what I am taklking about here:- NZ All Blacks Rugby Team, Valeri Villi Olympic Shot Put Champion and Sir Edmond Hillary & Tensing on Mt Everest - obsessive qualities all of them!!!

You Get What You Accept

This is a follow on of an earlier blog I've written which I called "You Get What You Focus On". With this blog I carry on the theme and state here, that you also get in life what you accept.

Had Enough of Being Treated Badly?

Complained about how you get treated by your team at work, recently? Have you been unhappy about the way your staff speak to one another? Are you saddened by the way your children treat you? Are you not happy about the way your wife or husband approach you when they have a problem with you?

The good news is, YOUR the problem - not them!

(Please... stop it! Yes, they do have a role to play in causing the situation - but only a minor one role. I'm not focusing on the role they play here, so pay attention and follow what I'm about to explain to you).

Think of how you are unhappy about the way you're being treated by certain people or someone in your life. Think of the specific situation, where and how they treat you poorly. Now understand this - they treat you that way because you have been allowing them to do that to YOU!

You have been training people to treat you the way they do. You never stopped them from speaking to you that way or behaving that way towards you. If you have attempted to stop them - it was just that, an attempt, and a poor one at that! An inconsistant attempt on your part to get them to not treat you the way they are. Alternatively, you have ignored their behaviour and thought, by ignoring it, it would go away. WRONG!

By saying nothing you have been condoning the behaviour, supporting and encouring it. With that in mind, how ironic it is, that you are complaining about it. After all - you've allowed it into your life and conditioned these people or person, to treat you badly.

Do you realise what I am saying? That people behave a certain way towards you, because you have allowed them to do so? Yes, you do get from people, the behaviour you are willing to accept from them.

By being passive when an argument is going on and saying nothing to the people fighting, is the same as saying it's ok to fight the way you have been, in front of me. It's ok to run each other down and belittle one another in front of me. NOT!

What will you accept as acceptable behaviour from others? What will you not accept from another person? What will you do if they ignore your request, for them not to treat you that way? Do you know when to say something about how you're being treated?

Don't complain if you're not going to do anything about how you're being treated. Either address the situation or, to put it bluntly - shut up and handle it! You may recall in a much earlier blog how I gave you 4 options you have when the shit hits the fan. These options are relevent in this situation also. Make a decision and decide what you're going to do - knowing that you have actually created the situation and have played a definite role in why you are being treated the way you are.

It's Easy to Contribute

I've had people I've coached say they wish "he" would stop lying to them. Or they'd like their kids to be more honest with them. Or a boss wanting his staff to be more transparent with her. The fact is, they are not and you have contributed to that situation. Do you know what you have done to influence people to lie to you, be dishonest and avoid being transparent with you?

I assure you, you have contributed to it and if it continues on for quite some time, it is because you are willing to accept things being the way the are.

A Way Forward

Decide what you have done to create the behaviour you're not happy with. Address the person concerned in a safe environment and explain what behaviour you're not willing to accept anymore. Own how you feel about the situation and accept the part that you have played in allowing the behaviour to continue and perhaps even escalate. Decide what action you'll take if they ignore your request, to treat you more fairly (leave, complain to the right person or consequence etc...). Once having done this, it is now up to you to honor what you have said and stick to it, consistently.

In my own opinion, it is unacceptable for you to accept being treated badly. It is unacceptable for you to be stressed out and worn out because of bad behaviour, demeaning comments, intimidating gestures or putdowns. My preference for you, is to make a stand. Know what you will and will not stand for and say so! Stop accepting less than you deserve, because if you do, you will continue to get more of what you are willing to accept.

Destruction of New Life

I've been wanting to write on this topic for quite sometime. It's close to my heart, and a theme I emphasise when training those who wish to gain mastery of a specific model, be it in coaching, training or leadership.
I believe that what I am writing about here, causes the destruction of all new discoveries in mankinds attempts to actualise their potential.

What I have seen so often, is people who learn a technique or style and worship the style they have learnt to the detrimant of their continued growth, of what is possible for them. They become entrapped by the models they have learnt, unable to free themselves from it or entertain new possibilities and potential that are avilable to them. Sadly, they can even fight to the death, to ensure the model remains the same, for centuries to come.

New Life Destroyed

What is the new life, I am saying is being destroyed?

It is all the new life, birthed from men and woman over the centuries, who have had an epiphany, revelation, creation or advancement of a new way of thinking, about old things. The easiest example that comes to mind, for me to give you, is the progression over centuries of psychology, psychiatry, psychotherapy and it's 1,000's of variations. There are specific and notable people in the history of self-discovery who have made specific break throughs and advancements in the field of personal development, and the understanding of the "psyche".

These people are recognised and acknowledged as having made a significant contribution to the advancement of the field as a whole. These notables have many people, wishing for new life, advancement and growth, who immediately gather around them and seek to learn directly from them. To learn the new model of how to do what they do. Naturally the growing throng of avid followers must become a formalised movement and this movement to become a global organisation - as good news travels fast. (...and rightly so)

You get the idea don't you? Look into all new movements, be they spiritual, psychological, training, management, leadership etc..., you will find a common trend.

Deaths Journey

In short - the sequence of new life's destruction goes through these stages:

1. A new discovery or advancement of understanding occurs through a particular insight, by a specific person or small group of people.
2. The sharing of the good news discovery with others.
3. The gathering of a growing group based around the good news.
4. The election of a recognised leader of the group.
5. A call to formalise the discovery into a documented and stylised model.
6. The maintaining and containment of the model. With some variations accepted, as it is (or not) applied to other fields - while maintaining the original integrity of the originator.
7. The resistance to any type of extension, challenging or discarding of the now formalised model.
8. The entrapment of the movements followers, by the need to maintain the model and in doing so, over time, resulting in the death of the life that birthed the original new advancement. Naturally the movement must resist (vehemently) any new way of doing what they have done for so long, to maintain the status quo!
9. They also will identify themselves by the name of the movement and fight to maintain their identity.

Am I Clear?

So do you see what I am saying here? Are you getting it?

The dangers I have observed in every movement I have embraced in my learning journey, is the death of the movement based on what I think is a human need to ritualise, canonise and indoctrinate the new discovery, resulting, sooner or later, in it's demise, death and destruction.

Am I saying that you are not to embrace or avidly learn any new model that breaths new life into old bones.

NO!

What I am saying, is learn the model, learn it well and master the model. Discard the model to the degree that is necessary for you to continue to extend yourself on a long term, continuous basis. This will result in the continued growth of the field you have mastered and will place you, often, back into the position of being a learner once again.

I believe there is a need to constantly challenge the model as you master it. To seek out new techniques and understandings. By testing and discarding what you once held sacred, when learning the model you will be contributing back to the domain you are passionate about. Learn the rules also, to learn how to break the rules and make new rules to discard them also as you learn and grow.

A Professional Approach

An example I can give you is when I am providing coaching. I have learnt many models that generate change and I've embraced them all. To generate change for my client I must be free, and willing to break the benchmarks, rules or doctrines of the accepted coaching models I have learnt, for me to continue to learn new ways to generate change byway of my coaching. In doing so, I am free to customise my coaching to align with the specific needs of the client and support them in their change process and self actualisation.

For me to use a formalised, systematised approach based on the rules of a learnt model is too limiting for me and negates the need I have to meet my client where they are at. By having this attitude as I coach, I am free to meet them without a predetermined approach, yet fully equipped with an expansive coaching model and knowledge, yet free from it at the same time!

While I do train people in a specific model of coaching, In my opinion you must seek to move beyond the model you've learnt. You are not to be limited by the model, but to use it solely as a tool to further advance your skill level and to discard it, as you gain new ground as a coach.

This will be very challenging for those who hold tightly to their formalised, ritualised methods of doing what they do (in every profession). I am challenging in this message the very essence of what they have discovered and fought tooth and nail, to gain a professional foothold as an accepted method of operation.

Take a quick look at religion, management, education, psychiatry, medicine etc... Each one fighting for their place as being "The Way" and the ONLY way!

In Closing

Ok. I've written enough for now. Hopefully, to have begun to make my point.

Seek to learn a technique, style, or model. Master it knowing you will discard it (in part or in whole) while taking from it what works, and adding to it by challenging all things considered once sacred, when you were first learning it.

Learn form to be free from form!

Use what you need to know, knowing that it has a "best before date", that it has an "expiry date". To avoid the destruction of any new life discovery, we must be willing to accept the field will evolve, be extended. To be willing to discard old sacred cows and embrace new life, ideas, techniques and styles, that births change and progress.

A Touch of Sarcasm

If you want a new life discovery destroyed, please follow the numbered points I've listed above and you'll achieve it within a short time frame. A sure sign that you're well on your way to destroying it is, you'll fight over how to protect the model from the heretics that threaten to undermine the way things are done!

Whew! - I guess that qualifies me as a heretic then ( ...am I alone out there?) - While others may consider this approach revolutionary the majority will have you burnt at the stake!!!

All the very best as you aim to have continuous growth and new life - free from rituals, routines and form.

You Get What You Focus On

Simple enough isn't it? The statement says it all - You get what you focus on.

Stretch the meaning of this little quote and you could cause quite a stir, and gain a lot of global attention, because it sounds so easy. All I have to do is focus on what I want and shazzam - it comes into my life? This idea of success and instant wealth naturally fills the "...There's gotta be an easier way to get what I want..." - mentality, dominant in society today. It meets the needs of those who want everything, and only willing to contribute as little as possible to get it!

Let's look into this quote a little more closely, to gain some clarity on this often used and misused statement.

It takes more than just focusing on something and you get it (aka "The Secret" - not!). The idea that you get what you focus on, popularised recently by the movie "The Secret" apparently supported by a mystical secret law called the "Law of Attraction". Personally, I thought it was a great money earner (don't buy the book - save your money) for those who produced it, and who eventually ended up being hosted on the Oprah Winfrey Show. It certainly worked for them financially and gained a strong following worldwide, of would be wealth creators. Hoping, if they thought of what they want often enough, it would be attracted to them! (Yea - whatever!!!)

Some Clarity Needed

I'll clear up a few things here to clarify what I consider the real meaning of - "you get what you focus on". The quote has been said in a number of variations over the centuries, like James Allen, who's popular book entitled, As a Man Thinketh (well worth a read) said it like this "...As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is". I've often used in my presentations the variation "...We become our most dominant thought..." Whichever variation you use, it all comes down to this 1 consistent factor, that our thinking powerfully influences what we experience in life.

7 Key Points to Follow

To get what you focus on you need to follow some very important rules which I have listed below, so here they are:

1) You need to have a clear and defined (specific) understanding of what it is that you wish to get more of in your life.

2) You need to consistently think of what it is you want (See step 4).

3) You need to have a positive emotional connection with what you want. Emotion will fuel your desire for what you want (read my earlier blog on the 4D's of Success). To give you an idea of the level of intensity that emotion plays apart in this for you is that it needs to be a physical sensation. I recall personally when wanting to achieve a specific outcome in my life how I could be physically moved by the emotion (i.e. tears, muscle tension, a smile, clenched fist etc...). It needs to be at a level of intensity that you "feel' the emotion as being near overwhelming and it is directly linked to your level of certainty of what you want will eventuate for you.

4) You need to have an obsession with what it is that you want. This means that you will think of it often throughout the day. It will be the 1st thing you think of when you wake up and it will be the last thing you think of before going to sleep. And, you may even dream about it while you're asleep! Are you getting what I mean? - that's intense isn't it! Yet this is what is needed. Too often I meet people who think they will get what they focus on, but have know idea of the degree to which they must focus on it. You need to hold it mind on a consistent and regular basis - day in and day out!

5) You need to actively be involved with making it a reality in your life. This requires you to be physically involved in performing practical, planned actions that will ensure you experience what you want, as a reality. Do you understand this part? You MUST practically do something physically about getting what it is that you want.

6) You must have a strong sense of it being "true" to you. There are things that you know are true in your life. What you want must also have the same level of meaning - that it is true and therefore you are certain that what you want will materialise for you (backed up by deliberate action). That it is not a dream, but a certainty for you, that this can and will happen - undeniably!

7) Complete and utter belief that any possibility of failure is not possible. The only possible outcome is success. Irrespective of setbacks, hardships and temporary failings. Nothing (...and I mean nothing) can stop you from getting what you have focused on.

As Easy As That!

So there you have it. Quite easy, really, isn't it! Naturally, if it was that easy everyone would be doing it. Many want things and they are really only wishing they had them and are unwilling to make the real commitment (as I've listed above) to do what they need to do to get what they want.

Use the list above as reminder of what you MUST do to get what you want by focusing on it. Use the 7 points to enhance your goal setting. It's entirely up to you, stop thinking that there is an easy road to success. Nothing comes from doing nothing. Focus on what you want and actively pursue it! All the best in applying these principles to your future goals and aspirations.

In this article I've focused on the actualisation of your goals byway how you think of what you focus on. In a later article I will write about how your behaviour and therefore your results are radically influenced by what you most consistently think of.

Nine Lives to Live

I'm sure most of us have heard how cats have 9 lives. (If you haven't - you have now!)

It's one of those urban legends or old wives tales based on the family cat surviving some close shaves, when crossing the road, falling from a great height, being stuck in the neighbours drain pipe etc... And it is easy enough to draw the conclusion that cats have 9 lives. For those of us with an accounting brain we tend to start counting the used lives, much like playing a PS3 game. Checking on how long the cat has, before it uses it's last life and the game is over for the cat!

I have a question for you. How many lives do you have?

(No, this is not about whether there is life after death)




I'll ask you again. How many lives do you have?

1-2-3-4 .... 9?



What's your answer?



The answer I was wanting, was - ONE (1)

The only life you have to live is the one you have right here, right NOW! That's the only life you or I have. That we can be certain. As long as your heart is beating and you are breathing. You are alive! And this is the ONLY life you have.

The only moment that you live for is the here and now. I have met far too many people that think they live for retirement, that upcoming holiday or when the kids have left home. People who live for tomorrow and miss the beautiful moment they are actually having, that very second!

Let's Take a Trip

Our planet has time zones. If you fly Eastward, you can leave Auckland (NZ) and arrive in Hawaii before the time you left New Zealand???? If you were able to transport yourself to the other side of the world you can either end up in a time zone before you left or travel ahead in time and miss a day completely. I remember Lena and I leaving Los Angeles on Sunday evening and arriving in Auckland NZ, on Tuesday morning. The flight was only 12 hours, yet we had not had a Monday!

Hard work jumping from one time zone to another. You not only miss out what you're experiencing at the time, but you can be worn out by it all. Quite exhausting - it is, travelling time zones (ask any international traveller).




What time zone do you live, the 1 life you have?

• Do you more often think about what could be, should be or may be?
• Do you focus on your tomorrow's and the years ahead, more often than the moment you have right now?
• Do you think of what was and could have been back then? How you could've made a different choice and things would have turned out different.
• Got some past regrets that you catch yourself dwelling on regularly?
• Do you live for something else, someone else, an event that is nearing?

What life do you live, and more importantly, what time zone do you live in while living this gifted life you have been entrusted with, from birth?




A Time Travellers Tool

Yes, we can learn from the past. In fact it's a great thing to do!

How many times do you have to go back in your past to do that though? How about you do it only once!

Simply ask yourself the question - "What would I do differently next time, that would have made a positive difference should a similar situation occur to me?" Make some notes based on the lessons you've learned from asking this question, and apply those learnings to yourself.

Next thing is...

Travel ahead in time (your only imagining - ok!) and visualise yourself in a similar situation as the one you had had in the past - but in the future. Imagine yourself, using the positive lessons you have learnt and how things will be different for you in the future. Should a similar situation happen again. Then immediately return to the present and completely notice where you are, and be in the moment, you are living NOW!

You only get one life. Being present in the moment, by finding each moment intriguing, curious, fascinating, interesting etc... enables you to be present. As a manger, team leader, coach or trainer. When you are present with your staff, client or students, you are free from the weariness of mental time travelling. You will hear more, see more, feel more and understand more. When you allow your current life to be splintered by psychological time zones, you lessen the ability to manage and deal with the situation you have at present. You will miss things, misinterpret conversations and not have your full functioning brain at your disposal when you most need it.

At the moment there is an add on TV which depicts 2 mouths talking at exactly the same time. It's impossible for the viewer to accurately make out what either of the voices are saying. The point of the add? To let you know that while you are driving and talking on the phone, you can not be fully aware of what's happening around you as you drive! (try it as an exercise with 3 people talking to you at the same time for 15 seconds and then repeat back to each of them what they each said!)

How many lives do you have then? Where do you mostly live the life you have?






Be There

Practice living in the moment. Learn from the past and ensure that the future you visit in your mind, is one that serves you well and ensures your success. We too easily imagine the worst for ourselves. How we will forget out words at the upcoming business speech we have to make, or how they'll hate me at the job interview next week. Shit! Stop that type of thinking and time travelling!

If you're going to visit momentarily, either the past, or future do it with some style! Stop shitting on yourself in every time zone you visit. YUCK! I certainly wouldn't want to travel with you, if that's what you do! Sadly, more people seem to do that, than not.

Learning to live your ONE life in the moment is a skill. You can learn (we teach it, as do others) and you can be coached to it. And you can learn it yourself, just on your own. Either way - DO IT!

You'll be pleased you did.

What One Must Be

"A Musician must make music, an Artist must paint and a Poet must write, if he is to ultimately be at peace with himself. What one can be, one must be..." Abraham Maslow.

• Do you know what you must be?


• Do you know what it is that you identify as being?


• Do you know what you must become?

What do you identify yourself as? A Plumber, Painter, Butcher, Philosopher, Mother, Coach or Trainer?

Maslow, in his quote that I've written above, identifies the importance that each of us is to know what it is we must be. And to realise it by becoming it fully. To realise our potential and in doing so actualising ourselves. In essence, becoming that which we truly can!

Are you doing that today?

Did you contribute towards that yesterday?

Are you planning on doing that in the very near future?

Do you even know what it is that would be so fulfilling? So fulfilling that you would know you had become all that you can be!

Maslow writes that those who do not pursue who they must be, will ultimately be unhappy! So there's a connection - becoming the person I must be equals personal happiness. We seem to live in a world that pursues happiness byway of external activities. And the pursuit of happiness through others, yet in Maslows words it appears we can realise happiness by actualising ourselves by becoming the person we must.

• Who must you be?


• What is your purpose, here on planet earth?


• What is it that would truly fulfill your life's existence?

Big questions that you will need time to consider. Big questions that must be answered. Big questions; that in answering them you will know what it is that you must do daily to move closer to the person you are to become. Personal happiness will be found in the journey of actualising your potential in fulfilling that which you identify as being the ultimate expression of you. Just as the Musician must play music and the Artist must paint to be who they truly are. In doing so they express their essence, their very being is magnified in the activity they have committed themselves to. And in doing so, a sense of true personal fulfillment is experienced by them.

In brief, it appears that a fulfilling life is a life of actualising that which expresses your highest sense of self. For you - what is it? What is it that truly expresses the being within?

A Boys Journey

As a young boy I wanted to be a soldier and serve in the Army. As I grew up I found myself serving an apprenticeship as a Butcher. Later I became a Gym Owner and worked within the Fitness Industry. From one job to another, to another, to another. Fulfilling me momentarily.

Now, as a Corporate Trainer & Executive Meta-Coach I recognise a unique point that wasn't present in all of my previous jobs since leaving school. I no longer think of what I do as work. Work was once laborious, whereas what I do now is a labour of love. What was once laborious is now joyous. I don't even think of it as "work" anymore - more as a conviction. These distinctions, though small, are huge in determining whether what we do daily is in fact an actualising activity. Would I do it if I suddenly won $10,000,000's? Yes I would! Sadly many are working in jobs that are unfulfilling and meaningless. If anyone of them had a lotto win-fall they wouldn't turn up to work the very next day! This is a simple measure scenario of whether what you are doing is fulfilling you daily. If it is not - what will?

To find that which we must become, is to find the meaning of life. A life that has meaning and purpose. A life which you will daily contribute to, and in doing so, experience happiness and personal satisfaction in your career.

So... what is it that you must become. Once you know this, then you must become it!