The Golded Rule - An Epilogue

You'll find in the archives, the blog I wrote on my view of the Golden Rule (GR) it reads like "...Treat others as you would like to be treated". I want to add a short epilogue to that older blog of mine. It's about a finding I have come across in many different work contexts and have observed its presence in personal relationships also.

The Golder Rule version I am talking about is...

"I'll treat you in a way that I would NEVER accept being treated myself!"

Now... take a brief moment to think about how that version of the GR works. With a little imagination I'm sure you can get the gist of it. Something like - "I will talk to you in a manner you're not to talk to me in. I will do to you what you must not ever do to me!" Or another version is "I'll treat you any way I want and don't think you can do this to me".

I find this version of the GR really interesting. What are the motives that drives a behaviour like this? A behaviour and attitude that is abhorable to the "doer" yet they will do it to others, and at times, to those they say they love. In a work context this can be interpreted as blatant workplace bullying, and may even have a vindictive component ("I'll get you back!") to it. What is it that drives a person to treat another in a manner that they would not accept themselves?

Guess, is all I can do, in an effort to try and work this one out. Unless of course you are able to ask the person involved, then you may not get the real answer anyway. So let's guess and see if we can bring some understanding to this version of the Golden Rule.

An Explanation

1: They are not aware of what they are doing to you:

This may be the reason. They simply have never thought of things that way. "Hey, you're treating me in a way you'd never accept yourself!" - "Oh, sorry I didn't realise that, and your right. I wouldn't like you to do that to me. I'm so very sorry, I'll make sure I don't do that to you in future." Wouldn't that be a nice outcome for both parties.

Be tactful how you bring awareness to another about a specific behaviour they are doing. If they truly do not know they are doing it (non-conscious) then they may deny that they do it. This is a strong indication they have no awareness of what they are doing. I recommend a gentle approach to bringing awareness to a persons consciousness. Yes, I agree at times a more confrontational approach has it's place - just not 1st place! Learn some skills in influence and persuasion, before you attempt a more confrontational approach.

2: They know what they are doing to you:

This possibility presents a number of additional possibilities that may weave together, to explain the many variances that this option provides.

• They don't like you, or if they do, it's not that much. (How come you didn't figure this one out?)
• They have a mean and nasty streak in them and are just, plain mean and nasty. (Make a run for the door!)
• They enjoy the fact that they are treating you like that. (They're havin' fun at your expense)
• They do it because it makes them look good to others. (look you guys at what I can do to him/her)

You need to collect your thoughts and consider if any of these are relevant to your situation. Then you need to decide how you will address it. It could be a mix of all 4 points I've listed!

3: They don't know anything different:

This is what they think is acceptable way to treat another person. Links a little with option 1 but more with this is how they do it based on either it's worked for them in the past or it's what I've learnt to do to get what I want (little linkage with power and control over others). If you were raised in a war zone where you learnt to be at war with others, then you'll never know how to be at peace or you'll struggle with it when there's no war to fight.

GR Summary

It's not right to treat people in such a way that you personally would be unhappy if they did the same behaviour back at you. If you're on the receiving end of someone in the workplace, treating you like this, and you do not treat them in a similar manner. And it could be your Manager! Then, read my earlier article on "Should I stay or should I go?". That article will give you the 4 basic options that you have in a worse case scenario.

Don't settle for being treated like a door mat! You deserve to be treated fairly and respectfully.