Hardwired Habits?

The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.
Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

Habits are an interesting thing. We form them gradually over time from the way we consistently respond to the world around us. As they form and become fixed they then begin to define who we are and how we react. Those we have come to know over time, are able to recognise us by our predictable responses that they've learnt from their experiences of being with us in a variety of situations.

They're sneaky critta's, habits. Habits, in their early formative stages have to learn to habitually and consistently respond in a specific way. Then, once you've mastered your response (remember this can be positive or negative), it becomes almost hard-wired and you lose conscious awareness that you behave in a certain way, consistently. That is to say, the habit slips from your consciousness.

Forming Habits
There are 2 ways that I'm familiar with, how habits are formed:

One is you have to develop your habit response consciously till you get very good at it.
The second way of forming a habit is that you learnt it without realising it.

How do you do this?

Well... you are exposed to it on a regular basis (usually as a young child) and it is considered an acceptable and appropriate way of behaving. You don't question whether this way of responding is good or not - you just do it cause that's how people you know (and often respect or love), behave. And there you have it, a well formed, non-conscious habit, alive and well on planet earth. Oh, by the way, if you've got a well formed and mature one, it's highly likely you don't know you have it, but everyone else knows you have it!!!

Habits can empower you, assist you in maximising your potential, grow your relationships, enhance your days, or destroy everything you consider precious. Habits define you and people know you by them. Whether you are trustworthy and honorable or a habitual liar or thief. Your habits form the reputation that you will have around town. Your habits will speak for themselves and be more convincing than any eloquent speech you offer. People will remember you by your habits and not by your words. They can be as simple as an idiosyncratic finger twitch or a tapestry of behaviours that result in the destruction of many lives.

Reflection Time
Here's are few questions to prod you, to consider what habits you have:

• What habits are you aware of that either enhance your life or limit it?


• Which habits do you have that enhance your relationships and which one's are destroying them?


• Do you notice a familiar pattern emerging in your life i.e. employment, schooling, relationships that would indicate a cycle of behaviour that's forming?


• Are a number of people giving you similar feedback about the way you behave or communicate and you're ignoring it or brushing it off (either good or bad)?


• How will you find out about those habits you don't know you have?

Habits, we all have them. They direct and determine our level of success.

Samuel Johnson says in his quote that I opened with, that they are "... too strong to be broken". This is often how they appear to be. That they capture you and compel you to respond in a given manner. Are they too strong to be broken? In my opinion no, they most definitely are not. They were formed over time with practice and diligent effort. They can also be dissolved in a similar manner (and in less time than it took to form them).

How to do that is beyond this short blog. I will say however, that you'll find many of the answers to change your habits, in my earlier writings i.e. you get what you focus on, consistently constant, self esteem are just 3 of many articles found on this blog site that will give you an insight into how to rid yourself of habits that are destructive or irritating you. (...or those around you!)

Take a Look at Yourself!
An old cliche I have used in many trainings, and refers to habit awareness goes like this "... if enough people say you're an idiot - you probably are..." Feedback is the food of champions and is a key step in changing or transforming any habit. Your level of willingness to entertain the idea that you have a habit that needs to change is the first stage of releasing a habit and breaking a bond that some say "...is too hard to break".




"First we make our habits, then our habits make us".
Charles C Noble

The Corporate Lethal Weapon

There's a secret self-defence program you'll find in the meeting rooms of corporate businesses and in the morning tea rooms of every big or small employer across our country (and yours). It's not a martial art, nor is it an Olympic sport. It's not taught at the local gym, yet is present in the majority of homes you'll call on. Once learnt you become a lethal weapon, making Mel Gibson look like a marshmallow of sorts and Bruce Lee a 1970's martial arts geriatric.

You'll destroy lives and the potential of those around you without even lifting a finger! You'll be skilled in fighting multiple opponents, whether they are standing around the photocopier or speaking to you in the Executive boardroom.

So what is this lethal weapon of maximum, human destruction?

A Trained Assassin
The lethal weapon, is in fact a skill. A skill, being a mixed blend of many language systems and negative reinforcing psychological loops (which I will explain in a later article). It's where we've learnt the ability to attack and destroy one another by using scathing, derogatory and degrading comments at another person or a group of people.

When you've become highly skilled at this Art, you have the ability to find offence at the smallest of remarks and escalate it to the 10th degree, to eliminate the person your speaking with using multiple unsolicited remarks aimed strategically at their most vulnerable points (usually a combination of personal and behavioural inadequacies) to cut them down to size. If not permanently then momentarily. As a race of people we are exceptional at doing this to one another. We seem to be natural at destroying one another with our words - as if we were trained, verbal assassins.

I am in awe of how well some of those I have come across in the corporate sector are able to do this to one another, and NOT able to recognise their level of absolute mastery, at destroying lives of those around them, with their tongues, via their scathing remarks.

No Confusion - Please!

Please don't confuse this with the communication skill of mediation or conflict resolution, as that is a specific communication process with clear guidelines in the hope of achieving a positive outcome for all parties. In the lethal weapon style of communication, there are no rules, nor is there a positive outcome for all parties. Only 1 outcome is achieved and pursued, which is the preferred speedy elimination, of the person you are speaking to and your own exaltation, by any means possible - so that you win!

It's about winning and being right and to hell with anything else. Paying no heed to the effect it has on the relationship with the other person or the consideration of any long term consequences. It requires you to see yourself as being totally right (irrespective of the evidence showing the contrary) and no need to reflect on what you have said (let alone ever think there was a need to apologise).

Remember - it's about dominance and winning. It's that primal animal instinct to kill, maime and destroy, at it's corporate best!

• Have you come across a person like this in your meetings, corridors or morning tea rooms?

• Have you had the pleasure of being chopped up verbally by a person with this skill set and left in emotional ruins, while trying to exit the staff meeting with some dignity?

• Have you said something ,with no intent to cause harm of any kind. And found yourself backed up onto the boardroom ropes by a barage of verbal blows, stunned and confused at how a simple innocent communication, could be taken so badly?

• Do you recognise yourself as being the person who is the skilled Corporate Lethal Weapon I've described above? (highly unlikely!).

If you have - then return for my next article on how to successfully defend yourself against the Corporate Lethal Weapon and how you can transform yourself, if it's you - that's causing all the grief in the workplace .

Consistantly Constant

This is another article to add to the series on I've been writing on mastery. The last posting I wrote was on how practice alone, is not enough. This article follows on from that one.

A brief reminder for you. Although I use the term "mastery" , it can easily be replaced with the words success, goal getting, achievement, champion, leadership or management etc....

Read the article from your perspective and use the word that best suits your interpretation of the word "mastery"



Add to Your Practice

So you're working your way towards being exceptional at what you do. Whether it's a new sporting activity, fitness regime or business venture, it doesn't really matter. You, wanting to achieve and practicing alone, isn't enough. A key factor in your long term success, is you're ability to be consistent over time.

Consistency is a critical component if you're wanting to master a specific endeavor. To put it plainly - you must apply yourself regularly to your pursuit and do it without deviation over a long period of time. In doing so you will have a key element in mastering it.

What I have seen from watching many people, is they start out with a hiss and a roar! Throwing themselves and all they have at it, to be good at what they are passionate about (at least at the start) and over time, they fizzle out completely. They have lots of energy in the early stages. (I call this the honeymoon stage of learning). Blinded by their initial enthusiasm, not realising the need for them to apply themselves in such a way, that they can see it through over the long term. The early signs of fizzling out that I've seen over the years, are a loss of drive to regularly attend to class, training or the standards they set for themselves.

As a former Fitness Centre owner this was a regular observation of mine. People start out training with all the best intentions in the world to achieve their goals of weight loss or weight gain etc... The common theme for many of these fitness enthusiasts is they begin to fade from their original attendance of 3-4 visits a week, to an infrequent level of 1-2 times every 2 weeks or so. Slowly but surely, they regress to not attending at all.

Consistency Applied

Consistency is a quality necessary to master parenting, leadership, business or long term transformational change etc... Parents who are inconsistent with what they say and do in the raising of their children will teach their children that stick ability is not important and consistency is an unimportant quality for personal long term success in their education or maximising their chances of future employment.

Leaders who are not consistent with what they say and do will be teaching those they lead that they do not mean what they say and that they will change their standards whenever it suits them and deviate from what they say they stand for, when and if, their mood so chooses.

A business allowed to operate without consistency of practice, will lose customers and their place in a competitive global market, because they can not be relied on, to honor their company service statement, vision or mission.

Those of you who seek a positive change in your life will not experience it until you embrace the change you want - constantly. Think of those who wish to change a habit like smoking, drinking or eating less, to name but a few. Your success in achieving a transformational change will be the direct result of your consistent embrace of the change you wish to make, over a long period of time. After all, the best indicator that change has occurred, is not found in your words but in your actions.

Masters and champions have mastered the ability to apply themselves to their pursuit diligently. They are not easily swayed nor are they willing to excuse themselves from attending to their study, training, practice etc... because they know the importance of being consistent.

When the Going Gets Tough

Are there times when they may wish to take a day off, go back to being the way they once were, to not attend class at school or turn up at their weekly training? Yes, they do experience this.

How do they respond though?

By remembering what it is they are in pursuit of. They recall their highest intention. They renew their commitment. They regain their focus. And apply themselves to the long term journey of mastery.

One specific group of people who know the importance of consistancy are athletes. They know that to be a champion in their chosen sport they must constantly turn up for training and practice and consistantly out perform their competitors. Being inconsistant is not an option to an athloete who wishes to dominate thir sport.

Are you willing to recognise it yet, if not already? The need for you to be consistent and it's vital place in mastery? Are you willing to commit yourself to the persistent commitment of applying yourself to mastering what it is that you are wanting to achieve. Whether it is your need to save money for a home mortgage, lose weight to be a slimmer and trimmer you or grow a successful business. You must be consistent.

Consider this message seriously. Be consistent and enjoy the natural outflow that constancy brings to your success. The choice as always is yours. Decide the level you are willing to be consistent and that will set the ceiling, to the degree of mastery you achieve.

Practice is NOT Enough

Congratulations!

You'd started to learn the guitar early and you'd been casually playing for 2 years. At 10 years of age you showed some natural ability in playing the instrument. Mum and Dad enrolled you to receive professional, one on one lessons, twice a week totalling 3 hours of tuition per week. You were an enthusiastic and committed student and you religiously attended your lessons without missing a single session and you made very good progress. You also did your own private practice at home, in your room. And you practiced playing your guitar an additional 5 hours per week.

At 15 years of age you were enrolled in a prestigious guitar school where you received 4 hours of specialist lessons per day (as well as other academic studies) for the next 3 years till you were 18 years old, where a selection was made to determine the elite guitarist's at your school, who would receive a full scholarship for continued higher guitar instruction and a guaranteed professional guitar career is a near certainty.

Let's have a look at some of your figures:

• You've been playing seriously since the age of 10 and had committed 8 years in total to playing your guitar so far.


• Over that 8 year period, you had spent a total of 2,080 hours of additional private self- directed practice, aside from your formal classes and lessons. Congratulations!

Did you make the selection to secure that much admired scholarship? - No, you did not!

Why?

The difference between you and those guitarists who reached the elitest level and selection for the scholarship you sought, was not in the years you spent practicing, nor was it in your consistent attendance to your regular, frequent lessons. As all your other class mates did just the same as you in that respect. The difference that made the difference was in the total hours you spent in your own self-directed practice versus the hours they committed to practicing, outside of the usual required lessons.

The specific difference is they spent as much as 100% more time practicing the guitar than you did! That's right, they accumulated more than 4,000 hours than you. Even if you wanted to catch up to those elite students you couldn't. They are now too far ahead of you, based on the time they have accummulated. It's just too hard for you to close the gap on them now.

This is a consistent indicator that separates the elite student and the above average student. Both are gifted and show a natural affinity to playing the guitar (or any other pursuit i.e. sport or business etc). Both are passionate about what they are learning. Both commit to their scheduled lessons. They do not however, do the same amount of additional practice, over and above what is required of them.

Do More - Get More!

So there it is - if you want to be great at anything - you must do more than attend the required classes or lessons expected of you. Also, you must commit additional time and effort to practice, over and above your scheduled practice sessions with your teachers, instructors or coaches etc... The amount of additional self-directed practice you are able to commit to, is entirely up to you.

Be very aware, that it is this component, that will ultimately determine your level of success. Even if you show you have natural talent. Natural talent will get you recognised but will not ensure your long term success. Your natural god-given talent, will amount to nothing, when compared with an equally talented student (in fact, a student with less natural talent than you, will achieve more) who is willing to put in the "extra" hours of practice. It appears the more time you spend in self-directed practice the better.

This may, depending on the activity, require you to spend time researching, physically training, watching recordings, reading, evaluating your technique and developing mental toughness training or receiving feedback etc...

Effort & Time Required

It's totally up to you. As I mentioned in a previous blog. Mediocre effort will never result in maximum results. Going to your scheduled weekly practices will never be enough for you to realise your potential. The difference that makes the difference is the "extra" self-directed practice you do.

How much you do - is up to you! It will ultimately determine the level of expertise you attain.

The Need for Obsession

If you want to waste your hard earned money, spend it on attending conferences and listening to some international speaker, buy their numerous DVD's and books promoting the message that you need to seek a health approach to life through achieving a work-life balance!

This topic has got to be one of the best lies promoted by so called, motivational speakers and personal wellness guru's. To actually think that personal success, excellence and achievement of the highest kind, can actually be achieved by living a balanced life between your passion and the other needy demands of life. Some of these needs requiring attention are, family, your health, education, fitness, saving for a home and retirement and the list goes on. Apparently the message is for you to balance your life in such a way that you achieve a delicate balance, between work and your personal life demands.

Wake Up & Smell The Coffee

Let's get real!!!

Show me where the highest level of excellence has been achieved in any endeavor and the person who pursued it had a balanced life. Study these people carefully. You will find that they all had a never before seen obsession that drove them to achieve results that exceeded all who came before them and the many that would attempt to pursue them long after they had retired. maximum results requires maximum effort and time. It requires an obsession that consumes your every thought, muscle fibre and cell you have within you. This is the level of commitment at the highest level. Yes, there are those who achieve a level of excellence by committing themselves to balancing their demands of life. Yes, they do achieve (to some degree) - No, they do not achieve the heights of achievement that awaits those who are willing to make the sacrifices that a passionate, obsessive nature requires.

Forget the lie of living a balanced life if you ultimately wish to lead the field, make leading edge advancements or set records that have never been heard of before. Average commitment results in average achievement. Maximum commitment, energy, focus and an unrelenting obsession to succeed. Results in a level of human accomplishment that all will admire and few are willing to commit to.

Onto The Summit

It's easier to believe that champions get where they have by seeking a work-life balance. This is an out and out lie. Sir Edmond Hillary did not become famous for climbing half way up Everest and turning around and returning home. No, he went all the way to the summit with his mate Tensing. They are both remembered for all eternity, due to their compulsion to go all the way to the top of Everest. Like him, high achievers think, eat, drink and dream what they want and must pursue. They read, train, study strategies and focus on what they want and do it with an unchastend relentlessness, that I can only explain as an obsession.

So easy to think that the Olympic champions, the billionaires or revolutionaries who turn around a nation all did it while maintaining a lovely work-life balance. They most certainly did not!

Do what you must do to be the very best you can be. Each of us will put limits on what we are willing to commit to. That is fine with me. I understand the need for many to achieve work-life balance, however, under no circumstances are you to believe that maximum results can be achieved by mediocre efforts.

Only A Willing Few

It's a road trod by but a few, and the rest of the world will count you as an enigma of sorts. For you are to them a possessed being with no regard for anything else other than that which you pursue. Some will call you a selfish shit and much more. And this is how it is and it will never be any different for those who set their sights on all time greatness. Show me a man or woman who has achieved greatness of the highest order and I will show you a person who was extreme in their every effort, with a laser like focus, like no other before them.

Anyone who says you can achieve maximum results with mediocre efforts has likely never achieved anything of any real significance in their own life. Or even worse, they have, and are now promoting an approach that they never used themselves in the pursuit of their previous success.

Here's to your obsession in being the best you can be and to hell with your work-life balance!

I know that few will accept this message and I make no apologies for it.

Pictures of those who know what I am taklking about here:- NZ All Blacks Rugby Team, Valeri Villi Olympic Shot Put Champion and Sir Edmond Hillary & Tensing on Mt Everest - obsessive qualities all of them!!!