REVENGE - Because I can

Have you been tempted yet? Given them back, some of the same treatment they gave you?

Come on... think about it –

That time, awhile back, when you thought to yourself “...I so want to punish them for what they have done to me!”

It seems that this is far more common than many of us like to admit. The need to get back at some one or some thing, that has caused us harm. I’ve seen it at the most senior level of business management, in the school playground or amongst groups of people who are brought together because of a unified foe.

Getting even, getting one up, pay backs or getting your own back. Whatever you may call it – we’re talking about revenge. Look back over the course of history and you’ll find it woven, into the fabric of our cultures. The desire to avenge ourselves or our loved ones for unforgivable attrocities, is deeply embedded in us as a human race.

I read recently how we can quickly get angry by being in the presence of an angry person. We have mirror neurons that quickly align with the emotions a person is presenting to us and we can find ourselves becoming angry as a direct result of how they are behaving toward us. We seem more able to meet anger with anger than anger with calmness and peace. There is a place for mirroring another, yet that place is not in a conflict situation. It requires a different type of approach. An approach that doesn’t repay others, in kind.

It's an approach that I took sometime to come acrosss myself. I recall too well, the times I had remained awake for many a night scheming how I would pay back those who had deeply grieved me. Thankfully, those days are long gone, and so too can they be for those who you know suffer from the need to seek revenge. Read on.

Corporate Revenge
When I’m Coaching in a corporate setting. I’ve found that some are hurting because of an injustice (there perspective) that has happened to them. As a result of this, they take on the view, that if that’s how I’m treated, then they will do the same back to them. This is the age old premise of an “eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth”. (No I’m not going to begin a theological view on the biblical scriptures). This view is not too uncommon across the globe. What I want to present here, is how I coach a person away from avenging themselves onto others.

To become like those we despise, hate or are infuriated by. To take time to plan and follow the plan through to avenge yourself on another. To be consumed day and night, with thoughts and emotions on how to get back at another – has dire consequences. Both mentally and physically. Here are a 3 techniques I use as coaching strategies, to quell the desire in those I coach, to gain revenge over others.

A Never Ending Cycle
Revenge creates an ongoing cycle of “I do to you and you do to me”. And it continous on and on and... You’re always looking over your shoulder for the next pay back that’s coming your way. You’re constantly on the lookout for an opportunity to pay them back. There is no rest for you. You’ll wear yourself out and those close to you. Sadly, the act of revenge can be passed onto others and overtime those that have hatred for others (clans, gangs or brands) don’t have a damn clue why we hate those people!

Realise the never ending cycle revenge brings with it and decide whether that is the life you want. Is it also the life you truely want those you love, to have also? If not then make plans to change what you’re doing. Plan to stop being vengeful. What will you do, that will cause this desire to gain revenge - to stop?

Become Like Them!
The more we become consumed with hatred, vengence or similar thoughts. The more we focus on what we can and hope to do to others and how bad they are. We become, overtime – like them! The awful truth is we become the thing we disliked or hated. When this happens we have no inner peace, as we realise the behaviours we hated are now our own. Transference has occurred.

On a personal note, when my Grandmother said to me, as a rebelious 13 year old, how I was just like my Father (whom I hated at the time and resolved this many years later). I immediately realised how I was mirroring the behaviour (anger) I despised in him. As a result, I changed my behaviour for the better.

Did you like the way you were treated so much so, that you will replicate it within yourself? You didn’t like it being done to you and now you’re doing it to others! Wake up! Realise what you’re doing and stop it immediately! Make the choice to no longer be like that.

When a person truely realises the total cost of revenge. The emotional and psychological drain, revenge has on them and those close to them. It is easy to begin to plan an effective strategy to move away from revenge and towards a peace of mind that superceeds revenge.

Success Overcomes!

The best form of revenge - if that's what you want to call it, is for you to be successful. For you to rise above those setbacks that have caused you hurt. Those people who want to see you fail. By being successful you show that you are resilient and able to powerfully overcome those who try to put you down. That you are made of "the right stuff".

You do this by simply - being successful. Achieveing, striving and realising your potential is the best form of vengence. What I have found is, on the journey to realising your full potential, you will have your mind diverted away from seeking revenge. By being successful in small things you will learn progressively to fully enjoy the pursuit of your own excellence. Give it a go!

Revenge Free
I hope these 3 points will help you should you find yourself in a situation, either at home or in the office, where revenge may rear its ugly head in someone close to you.

Happy coaching, training, menotoring and managing. As you remain free from seeking revenge from those you feel have wronged you.