Self-Esteem - From Where?

Self-Esteem Part 1

Who's that?

Looked in the mirror recently? What did you say when you saw yourself? Noticed your reflection in a shop window, while strolling along the street? What thoughts came to mind then? What are the most dominant thoughts that you hold in mind about who you are and the level of worth you hold true for yourself?

Let's talk about self-esteem (SE). Now... this is a "hot topic" for me and has been for a number of years. I personally believe that the level of esteem you have for yourself dramatically influences how you interact with those around you and how you respond, or not, in situations that arise daily.

There has been much written about SE. I have read and heard many theories of what it is and how you get it. SE drives a large multi billion doallr industry of coaching & training from coaches, workshops, public speakers to authors of books on every concievable angle to increase SE. High SE has been linked with high levels of personal achievement and at it's low end suicide, business failure and psycho-somatic dysfunction etc...

Well... that's enough about the world of SE. I want to, in this brief article, cut to the chase and give my views on what it is and is not. And even more briefly, provide a couple of ideas on how to grow SE. I make no apologies for stepping on the orthodox opinions of what is generally believed to be SE.

World View

Contray to the popular world view, SE is not "Bling-Esteem" nor is it "Thing-Esteem". Ones personal value when linked to bling: jewellery, pendants, watches, studs etc... or things: House, cars, status, income, fame etc... These "bling-things" are often linked, mistakenly to SE.

Will you have a healthy level of SE if you lost all your bling-things?

This question will determine whether you have SE or psuedo-SE.

So...

SE is not generated from bling-things. I'm not saying you should not own bling-things - what I am saying is, they are not to determine your level of SE. Sadly in many cases, the pursuit of bling-things results in this false SE. Although you may have all the bling, you'll lead an empty life and need more bling-things to satisfy your need for SE.

"Others-Esteem" is another psuedo type of SE. This is where your value is directly linked to other people.

"I feel valued and worthy when I'm praised by others".

"I'm nothing wthout you in my life!"

These comments and many others of a similar nature, reveal that the persons worth or value is directly linked to whether others value them or not. When the crowd applaudes you or the paparazzi are present clicking away, do you feel important? When popularity from others determines your value byway of public acclaim or praise recieved from the vast majority, or from your inner circle of friends or family. When you feel, or believe you are of value due to "others" this is not SE but "others-esteem".

Both bling & thing esteem along with others esteem, is not Self-Esteem. Yes, I know, this is how we often identify personal value or SE. In fact it is how the world portrays personal value and link it to ones level of success and personal worth. I call this type of SE - the Hollywood Syndrome. Those with Hollywood Syndrome are the likes of Marilyn Monroe, Elvis Presely, Anna Nicole-Smith and Heath Ledger. Stars who by the worlds standards have all the bling-things and others who adore them. Yet each of them lead known empty lives and lacking true SE. Sadly resulting in the loss of their lives.

Finally SE is not "looks-esteem" either. Is your value or worth based on your personal appearance? To look a certain way, to be a certain weight, skin color or height? To have a specific age appearance, color of eyes or hair etc...? This is an issue that I faced, as mentioned in my earlier article on me now having Vitiligo. Will I determine my skincolor and tone, to define my level of personal esteem? By the millions people mistakenly link their looks to their sense of personal esteem. This is more common than not.

There is a multi billion dollar cosmetic industry growing rich because of the promoted need to look and be a certain shape or look. Cosmetic surgery is booming like never before and shown on popular TV shows beamed into our homes. Promoting extreme make-overs to feel better about yourself! All in an attempt to gain an increased level of SE.

What's Next?

What is self-esteem then? If it's not that - what is it? Where do we get it from? How do I gain an optimum level of SE?

I'll follow this article with answers to those questions.

Vitiligo - Viti What?

If you haven't heard of it - you have now. The word is Vitiligo, a chronic skin disorder where the skin loses it's pigment to the point where it becomes void of colour. Pictured to the right is Lee Thomas and how Vitiligo appears on his face - click on the Youtube link at the end of this blog to learn more from Lee Thomas.

There is no known cause and no known permanent cure, and affects approxiamately 1-3% of the worlds population. It is an auto immune disorder where the melanocytes are attacked and destroyed by the auto immune system, usually resulting in patches of lost pigment on the body and it's extremities. Most commonly Vitiligo can be seen as patches on the hands and/or face of those who have it. In my case it is noticeable on the left side of my mouth & jaw and down onto the left side of my neck radiating out towards my left ear.

I've inserted a brief video clip on the subject, which you can view right here (see below).

The most famous person with vitiligo is Michael Jackson and you've likely heard how it was rumored that he supposedly wanted to be a white man! His loss of pigment wasn't voluntary, but as a result of vitiligo.

You can search the internet for info on Vitiligo which I have done since having it appear on my face. It was likley it began from a time when I was sunburnt on my face and lips while out surfing last summer. I noticed it firstly as a small colourless patch in the corner of mouth and chin. Which over the year grew to be a larger patchy area further moving onto my neck and up towards my left ear.

Now in 2009 it is well established and due to it's obvious appearance, has caused me to re-engineer how I think about myself and how I define myself. This of course is a process we all go through as we grow in age and abilities, gained or lost over time. For me it has included the need to re-evaluate my level of self-esteem, self-image and self-confidence. All of which I am pleased to say are well intact and robust as ever, if not more so, as a result of the Vitiligo. This is often not the case with those who have vitiligo, especially those with darker skin tones. For many with dark skin tones it can be a debilitating affliction, destroying ones self-image and esteem, with far reaching implications if not effectively dealt with at a psychological level.

If I didn't know what I know via Neuro Semantics and the many other models and principles I live by, I have no doubt the percieved dis-figurement of Vitiligo could have caused me to withdraw as a recluse and result in the loss of my much loved career.

Click on this Video Blog clip of myself chatting about Vitiligo "unplugged".

It has caused many to lose their sense of self-esteem & self-image. The emotional strain for young children, in addressing the taunting words of other children in the playground as they grow, through those important formative years, could and often do have, a devastating impact on their future. To have it appear as an adult can be also traumatic. Often we have formed many strong definitions of ourself as a mature adult, with many finding it too difficult to redefine themselves with emotional & psychological consequences.

I'm supported emotionally and morally at home by my partner Lena, and my family. This and my own mental processing and re-evaluative processes, of who I am, beyond facial appearances and skin color have positively contributed to me now wearing Vitiligo with pride!

If you have Vitiligo or any other percieved physical dis-order, that causes you to lose your sense of personal worth & self image - contact me.

For an insight into life with Vitiligo and being present in the public eye, click on this link and you'll watch Larry Kings interview with anchorman from Detroit, Lee Thomas and his journey as a black man turning white.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtHW7ptF76c